LTR situation - gf goin goin gooooone overseas

[ph00k]

hey guys,

need a little bit of advice. this is a little bit different to the problems people normally post about getting a girl.

i'm currently in an r'ship with a decent HB7.5, and these holidays she's going overseas. this relationship has been good so far, she has shown high interest level throughout it, done a bit of stuff here and there together, and is usually all over me when we're alone, always lets me make the decisions whenever i feel like it, happy to go along with anything i say (except GET ON UR KNEES NOW! haha just kiddin).

i briefly spoke to her about her trip last night, and she's going for 3 months (leaving in a weeks time), to which i basically replied: "3 months is not going to work for me". she has told me before how much she's looking forward to going back for the shopping and what not, and then she goes "i have no choice, if i had a choice i wouldn't go" followed up by a stupid grin, heh. i wasn't too impressed, so i grinned back and denied her lip service and walked her out the door

in any case, she msged me last nite --> that everything was up to me, and that she doesn't mind what i decide, and she suggested a temporary breakup as the only solution she could think of, and to 'see how it goes' when she got back.

not too sure what to do, obviously she would prefer one of the two options (stay together, or temp breakup), but she won't let on, saying instead "she doesn't mind" and that its up to me. this neutral decision making is a bit annoying....

not too sure how to proceed from here. i'm not prepared to do anything AFCish like confront her and have a whinge about it, yet i'd like to know whats going on in her head. i'm not particularly keen on ending this r'ship ~ but neither am i keen on being the only one who makes the input

any thoughts and advice?
thanks fellas

 

[ph00k]

thanks for the reply dementia

that was pretty insightful

she always lets me decides things, thats her personality i guess. she told me as long as she was spending time with me it doesn't matter what we do etc. blah blah, mindless drivel, but you get the point.

it could be a test, because i'm pretty aloof when i'm with her, don't really talk about my feelings, and i like to play little games with her which she hates. (the way we basically hooked up was me ignoring her for a week, hot/cold then laying on the moves in one night after i totally made her feel vulnerable)

to be totally honest with you guys, i don't think i'm ready to end the relationship, as AFC as it sounds, i click well with her, and we get along etc.

i'm just thinking of the best way to respond. atm, i think i'm happy being confident and telling her t hat i've decided to stick through it, i just don't want to compromise my lifestyle by subjecting to it with a girly resistance if u know what i mean....

 

[Pugsley_f5]

Now I have a good question, how can he respond to this test appropriatley to show that he is interested (if in fact thats what it's for) but still not throw the ball (control) in her court and keep the control in his hands...this would really help me in the future when i come across this type of thing cause its happened b4 to me.

thanks for the answers
Pugs

 

[Pugsley_f5]

Bump for the question

 

[ph00k]

yeah pugs, that is a pretty good question

just an update for you guys:

she sms'ed me saying she was sorry and tired and thought i misunderstood. basically said it was really up to me because i was saying how 3 months was not going to work for me, and that she only mentioned it because i said that.

it feels like power is back in my court now, because she sounds worried, but still wants to know, because she said "if thats what you want, don't worry you can tell me etc". haven't replied, not gonna reply, need to sit back and think and relax and enjoy my holidays first

 

[Desdinova]

I think it all depends on how long your LTR has been. If you're counting years, 3 months isn't going to kill it. If you're still counting months, give her the "temporary breakup" 5hit, and go have some fun with other women while she's gone.

not too sure what to do, obviously she would prefer one of the two options (stay together, or temp breakup), but she won't let on,

Like I've said many times before on here, women are the worst decision makers. You have to take the lead and figure where the relationship is going to go. If you leave the decision in her hands, you're going to be confused when she leaves, and you're also going to be confused for all 3 months. Take charge, and tell her where the relationship is going.

When she comes back, you'll also be able to make the decision of whether she's welcome back into your life or not.

 

[smoke city]

OK, guy...I have way too much first and second hand experience with this. But here goes:

Break up with her.

1. I'm guessing you're in college or something, and she's going abroad to study. At least, your situation is exactly like that one.
I've NEVER seen a relationship like that work out. ever. I've seen many of them, and the hard truth is that ALL of them involved the girl going away and cheating on the guy.

2. Many women, esp. young women, like to believe that they don't have choices in their life. This is a coping mechanism--future consequences are easier to handle if you don't believe that YOUR OWN actions caused them. Get it out of your head that this is a force beyond her control...she's going because it feels right to her (you'd probably do the same). In fact, she is so sure of her decision that she put her relationship with you on the line for it (hence, she left it "totally up to you").
If she wasn't open to being with anyone else, she would be INSISTING on YOU to be faithful.

3. Not to say she's not into you--she probably really is. But you're both young, not married, and you're probably not going to be (to each other, at least). My question for you is: Why would you want to restrict YOURSELF?

Here's how I have handled this (with some success)--what I think is the best way...
Be apart for a while, tell her "all the best" and do your own thing. Let her do her own thing. Agree to NEVER TALK ABOUT IT (very important) no matter what. Oh, and don't have the mindset of "It's just temporary." That will drive you insane.
Take the time to meet new people, improve yourself, etc...
when she gets back (to a new you) maybe there will be a spark again....

Best of luck, man...

 

[ph00k]

firstly, i'd like to really thank you guys for contributing... especially smoke city and desdinova

alot of the time i read alot of the posts and it involves bashing the guy who started the thread, so firstly, thanks alot, heh. really appreciate the advice.

she's going overseas for holidays, we've just finished a year of uni / college, and while i'm pretty sure she's faithful and won't cheat on me, but at the same time i rather not give it the benefit of the doubt- she has had several boys on her tail when i was seducing her, and even now one or two still. i don't mind so much because i have some side interests of my own (but i don't really humour them because i'm in the LTR)

she has tried to tell me she only brought up the "temporary breakup" because i looked and sounded like i was having second thoughts last night when we talked about her being gone 3 months.

but smoke city... you put it succinctly in a sentence for me:

smoke city:

If she wasn't open to being with anyone else, she would be INSISTING on YOU to be faithful.

i guess thats all thats bothering me right now, and i appreciate the advice about women being indecisive. well my decision is to give the relationship a go, but i'm going to take it slowly...

Desdinova:

If you leave the decision in her hands, you're going to be confused when she leaves, and you're also going to be confused for all 3 months

i'll tell her what i want, and whats going to happen. if she has any issues, she will protest and then i'll know to shut it down i guess. i'm thinking of not talking to her today, maybe talk to her tomorrow... with all these thouhgts flying around, talking to her too soon may make me act on impulse

 

[Slash]

Live in the moment... say 'Get back well see' with a smile.. She should be hooked..

 

[ph00k]

an update for those with an interest, heh:

went over to her place last night, she didn't pick up my call like 3 times which pissed me off, but she was in a movie, although i lost my cool and told her "i'll give u a call in 10mins, if u don't pick up then i'm outta here". ok, so maybe a little AFC, but i'm admitting my faults.

anyway i just went over to her place etc, and she was looking real sad etc. and we were talking on her bed, so i talked to her about the temp breakup.

it turned out to be a bloody test after all. she wouldn't answer me when i asked her what her preference was (to breakup or not). She just kept asking me to decide. so i kept it short and told her what would happen -> ie. i didn't want to break up

then she was all happy etc smiles, just started kissing me etc, and only then did she say she wanted to stay with me and really didn't want to breakup at all even if it was temporary, but since she was the one that was leaving on holiday it was up to me to make the decision. girls and their f*** games i swear haha

 

[Desdinova]

i'm pretty sure she's faithful and won't cheat on me, but at the same time i rather not give it the benefit of the doubt

so i kept it short and told her what would happen -> ie. i didn't want to break up

Women know their poutty face works. It worked on you.