LTR: Should We Prioritize Meeting Our Needs Over Feeling Love?

jhonny9546

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I have had 2 LTR's where I felt deeply in love, but both ended.
I then had several STR's where I didn't feel anything romantic, but I did receive a lot from my partners. They made me feel loved and sometimes even showed clingy behavior.

Recently, a friend shared his experience with me. He had a similar pattern of falling deeply in love with a woman, only to have her never reciprocate his feelings. After his breakup, he decided he would never have another relationship where he felt that intense love. Instead, he started looking for a woman who could meet his needs. (like buying a product at supermarket).
He eventually found someone who fit his criteria and has been in a lasting LTR since 2012.

This relationship is quite unique, as my friend has very low commitment and the woman handles most of the responsibilities, such as organizing holidays, taking care of the house, and setting up their weekly routine. It's like a boss and secretary arrangement!

This experience made me think about whether it's better to look for someone who can meet our needs rather than going for someone we feel something for.
Is this approach genuine and good for an LTR?
I'd love to hear about your experiences on this topic.
 

The Duke

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I certainly don't look to others to meet my needs. I meet my own needs.

I'm wise enough to know true love isnt true. It's always conditional. Women are very opportunistic.

I look for submissiveness, conservative values, great body, pretty face, long hair, can cook, subscribes to man leads/woman follows theory ,clean house/car, pays her bills, decent job, no drama, can discuss issues, likes sex, and enjoys hobbies I enjoy.

If she is all that then I keep her until things go bad, usually a few years. When they do I go bang some randoms and look for another long term deal.

Nothing lasts forever. Stop thinking so much. Just enjoy them while you can.
 

Mertz09

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True. The reason is “she was never yours. It was just your turn.”
 

Pierce Manhammer

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I certainly don't look to others to meet my needs. I meet my own needs.

I'm wise enough to know true love isnt true. It's always conditional. Women are very opportunistic.

I look for submissiveness, conservative values, great body, pretty face, long hair, can cook, subscribes to man leads/woman follows theory ,clean house/car, pays her bills, decent job, no drama, can discuss issues, likes sex, and enjoys hobbies I enjoy.

If she is all that then I keep her until things go bad, usually a few years. When they do I go bang some randoms and look for another long term deal.

Nothing lasts forever. Stop thinking so much. Just enjoy them while you can.
My experience as well. It’s nice when you find someone you genuinely care for and you have all the other things as well, including crazy sexual chemistry. But given I will not be moving in with a woman for at least another decade I’m playing the roulette I know…

Whenever I see a guy in his fifties (like me) with a hot younger companion I take solace in knowing he’s in my situation most likely, where he’s just holding his breath waiting for her to go native…
 

jhonny9546

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I certainly don't look to others to meet my needs. I meet my own needs.

I'm wise enough to know true love isnt true. It's always conditional. Women are very opportunistic.

I look for submissiveness, conservative values, great body, pretty face, long hair, can cook, subscribes to man leads/woman follows theory ,clean house/car, pays her bills, decent job, no drama, can discuss issues, likes sex, and enjoys hobbies I enjoy.

If she is all that then I keep her until things go bad, usually a few years. When they do I go bang some randoms and look for another long term deal.

Nothing lasts forever. Stop thinking so much. Just enjoy them while you can.
Thanks for this comment. This really makes the entire POV we should have on People, but don't clearly reply to the question, or basically it does? (Don't fall for who you feel feelings for?)


ps: love this "I look for submissiveness, conservative values, great body, pretty face, long hair, can cook, subscribes to man leads/woman follows theory ,clean house/car, pays her bills, decent job, no drama, can discuss issues, likes sex, and enjoys hobbies I enjoy. " I can say I know many but "no drama" it's impossible. How do you find?
 

jhonny9546

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I'm wise enough to know true love isnt true. It's always conditional. Women are very opportunistic.
Also, women don't feel it like man.
I felt that in my life, and I would die for thta women.
I think you might felt it too.
 

The Duke

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Thanks for this comment. This really makes the entire POV we should have on People, but don't clearly reply to the question, or basically it does? (Don't fall for who you feel feelings for?)

ps: love this "I look for submissiveness, conservative values, great body, pretty face, long hair, can cook, subscribes to man leads/woman follows theory ,clean house/car, pays her bills, decent job, no drama, can discuss issues, likes sex, and enjoys hobbies I enjoy. " I can say I know many but "no drama" it's impossible. How do you find?
Typically feelings are based in emotion. Many women let their emotions drive their life and look at how that has worked out for many of them. You need to use more rational logic than emotional logic to be successful in life. Look at men you know who are overly emotional and how many stupid things they say and do. I can list a few forum members...they never become the best posters, they never get good with women either. @BeExcellent is a great example of a female that uses more rational logic than emotional logic. No one on this forum gets questioned/attacked as much as she does, yet she always stays rational and keeps her emotions in check. There is no drama with her.

You want a woman that is little to no drama? Then look for one that uses more rational logic for reasoning than emotional logic. She won't tolerate a bunch of dramatic female friends either. She will be selective with who she considers close female friends, and there will probably be only 1.

Also, women don't feel it like man.
I felt that in my life, and I would die for thta women.
I think you might felt it too.
I've never had the thought I'd die for some woman. That's all emotional schitt taking over.

You had those thoughts, yet you are no longer with her right? See how stupid that would have been? Thats a feeling based in emotional reasoning that led you to think that way. I'd only die for honor, women have no idea what honor means to a man.

There's a reason science only allows rational logic, and not emotional logic. It's why it drives the universe and offers the most accurate interpretations of phenomenon.
 
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I can say I know many but "no drama" it's impossible. How do you find?
As long as your emotional self control is good, her drama doesn't matter. IDGAF gets a long way towards negating her drama.

Drama queens select their victims. If they see you're unaffected by their drama, they will either try using other manipulations or go away to find a better victim.

Even notorious BPD / NPD women mute their drama with me because I will just treat them like the bratty submissives they are.
 

jhonny9546

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I believe that men should also be emotional, which is why we differentiate humans from other species. The emotional I am referring to is more about being "fun" or having a "playful" behavior, similar to when you play with children.

You are correct, but how do we distinguish between being logical and being "too serious"?
I would like to enjoy life while learning how to turn people, particularly women, into those who feel good around me. By doing so, I can put people in a positive state, making them "ask for my presence or seek me out". This behaviour, would then naturally extend to any woman.
 
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I would like to enjoy life while learning how to turn people, particularly women, into those who feel good around me.
At least you have the right focus. However, it's not about you turning people into feeling good around you, but about you becoming the type of company women seek out.
 
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I felt that in my life, and I would die for thta women.
The only woman I might consider dying for is my daughter, but I think many parents prioritise their kids over themselves.

But in general I prioritise myself in life/death situations. Within romantic relationships, I might put her well-being over mine, but not her happiness. You can treat someone better than yourself, but their happiness is not your responsibility, they have to be happy for themselves.
 
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