LTR Questions/Discussion

[Serg897]

Hey all,

I notice many of the posts on here have to do with the initial stages of ones interaction with a woman (the number close, the first date, the first kiss, etc).

I can confidently say I have close to mastered this part of the game.

Nobody is perfect, but generally I find getting numbers to be easy, and its just a matter of screening out the interested ones from the non-interested.

What this post is about is LTR strategies, namely, the question of how to maintain a good relationship and how to keep the woman interested.

This is the bigger issue on my mind at this point and I invite everyone who wants to talk about this, particularly those currently in an LTR. I want to see if this board has enough people that want to talk about this or if I should go elsewhere. I really hope that I can have this discussion here, because I learned a lot of what I know about women from this website.

I really like the concept of interest level that Doc Love has coined. I would like to keep my girlfriends interest level in the 90's.

Briefly, my story:

I have been seeing my girlfriend for about 3.5 months. Exclusive for about 2.5 months, after she asked for it one Saturday night. I am a grad student, 22 years old, and she is a teacher, 28 years old. I met her in the Salsa dancing scene in the city where I moved to earlier during the summer. We frequently go out to dance - I've met a lot of her friends this way.

Although I haven't seen any signs of interest lowering significantly, I am afraid I see her too much and I have become too predictable. Like I said, things are seemingly fine. She initiates contact almost everyday. I initiate sex often, and she has NEVER said no. She LOVES to have sex. She ALWAYS returns phone calls in a timely manner. But I see her very often - It has generally been every Saturday, almost without fail, and at least two other days every week. Fridays AND Saturdays are very typically spent together. We sleep together in the same bed (her place or mine) everytime.

So, John McLaughlin style

Question: Am I seeing this girl too much? Is this course a.) sustainable or b.) doomed to failure? Is my challenge so weak that her IL is destined to plummet, or is there something different about this woman that will keep her around?

How often should a Don Juan contact/see his girlfriend?

Im curious to hear what people think. If anyone else wants to ask a question, please do.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

How often should a Don Juan contact/see his girlfriend?

Im curious to hear what people think. If anyone else wants to ask a question, please do.

As it is, it's certainly doomed. You getting rid of any anticipation and it's pretty much like you've got a **** buddy. She's teaching and seeing you half of her free time, and you're learning and seeing her half of your free time. And, that time is pretty much like it's on a schedule. She's at the top of your priorities otherwise you'd be socializing on your own more often on weekends instead of being with her during the prime times hang out/meet people.

It won't be long before her interest level plummets and she "needs space" (for someone else she meets). No matter how much you like it, it's like you two have a "deal".

And, no, there isn't anything different about her that will keep her around. All women want some mystery, uncertainty, anticipation, and to have to work at getting what she wants.

Don't initiate sex most of the time. In fact, play with her sometimes when she wants it and delay it for a while. Even pretend to be tired and when the time is just right, jump her

As soon as she starts to ration sex when you want it, the ship already has a huge hole in it, so let her want it more than you.

No more set schedule for meeting. Cancel sometimes as well.

Spend less than half of your friday's and saturday's with her. Get a separate life.

As far as her IL, it's not in the 90's right now. If it was, she'd be practically tearing your clothes off ASAP when you see her. You need to move it up by doing the above....WOMEN WANT RESISTANCE AND ANTICIPATION NOT JUST CONVENIENT SEX/FRIEND/COMFORT for an LTR.

 

[Serg897]

Good post. Im going to listen to much of it and apply it - thank you

She's at the top of your priorities otherwise you'd be socializing on your own more often on weekends instead of being with her during the prime times hang out/meet people.

Im guilty of this, no doubt. The fact of the matter is that the move to the new city for graduate school was a complete reboot for my social life - I knew very few people when I first got here. So when she came along she naturally started to fill a lot of the gaps, and I came to realize this fact, recognized that it wasnt necessarily a good thing...but let it happen anyway. It was simply difficult not to. The fact of the matter is that in a way she HAS been different than a lot of women. Eager for attention and an LTR. She is problably not different from other women fundamentally, but definitely along some characteristics.

Its true that I've been neglecting other opportunities to make friends in favor of seeing my girlfriend. This is my fault - I have to do better.

 

[hawk29]

Serg, I think it's a really good thing that you do recognize that you may have a woman who is not "typical." All I mean by that is there certainly are women out there who play fewer games, desire fewer games, need fewer games, etc. A woman in love looks very different then a girl who is figuring things out. I think you're trying to respond accordingly and that is good. However, I do agree that you need to maintain your own life if you want to maintain this relationship. I think it comes down to just being who you are. If you want to hang with the guys and it's not your first anniversary or something, do it. If you need a night off, take it. Don't be an *******, but just state your need and do it. No questions. She may ***** a little...but she will stand in there. It just takes balance. We see all this crap on tv with all these romantic ideals...people merging together in bliss forever. It's BS. The healthiest relationships are those where each person is an individual...and as individuals, you mutually choose each other to come along for the ride. Women KNOW this. They feel it. This is WHY they test us. They 'want' the romance, but know deep down they 'need' the independence AND interdependence. This independence is what keeps things interesting.

Again, this doesn't mean being an a-hole. So much around here is how to be an a-hole to get some ass. The fact is that in real communication - being an a-hole gets you a night on the couch (or many!). There's a massive difference between assertive and a-hole.

One of the things that helped me was to make a chart of time. I know that sounds weird, but it helps. Make a chart. In that chart, put what percentage of time you want to devote each week to the following things: school/work, working out, hanging with friends, hanging with your girl, cleaning/practical stuff, hobbies/alone time. And then find a balance. In terms of time, find a balance. AND STICK TO IT. Not in a every Monday I'll see type of way - but just know for yourself, this one area of your life only gets so much time. This way you keep your own life intact, which can only benefit the relationship. IF this will be a change in your relationship - be a man and EXPLAIN it to her. Tell her: I care about our relationship and I know that in order for it to be healthy, we both need to have our own lives to some extent. The things that are important to me are x,x, and y...and I'm going to spend time doing them. Me spending time doing them does not mean I don't like you or I don't want to spend time with you. I just think this is important.

She WILL eat this up. It's assertive, it's honest, it's healthy, and it gets you some freedom to man up again (which will keep her interested). If she's worth ANYTHING, she will appreciate this. if she gets upset, do it anyway, but know she may not be as 'special' as you think. And consider that very very carefully.

 

[schttrj]

How Much? To Show Her You Care but Not So Much As To Make Her Feel Stifled and Think You Don't Have a Life. Be 'In Reach' but still 'Out Of Reach'.

 

[Frank_Tartaglia]

I think it's sustainable, but only if you play your cards right.

Seeing her a few nights a week at this point is perfect, just what you want. Don't try to see her more often than this. Talking to her once a day is also ok.

Of course you can't let this girl start dominating your life. If you do then you are doomed to failure. In order to prevent that from happening try to keep things unpredictable, a few surprises or changes in your routine are great. Remember to focus on yourself and keep your hobbies alive. And also spend time with other friends.

 

[Serg897]

Thanks to all who replied. I appreciate the thoughts and the advice. I dont think there are any solid answers to this, as every situation is different, but I think some fundamental principles apply.

I like the chart idea, hawk.

 

[Ease]

Lets revive this beast of a topic.

******* game in relationship is king imo. Dont reply to texts sometimes. Dont return all fone calls. Go a week NC. Flirt with her best friend. Flirt with other girls. Slap her. Keep her comfort and self esteem under control, dont let it get too high to keep your dominance.

Very misogynistic but its the way to go.

 

[Serg897]

Its funny, there is little doubt in my mind that an unstated reason why we broke up is that we spent too much time together. The more time spent together, the more potential there is to get comfortable, to get boring, to lose challenge and mystery, and for fights to start. (I started another thread about this - here it is to avoid confusion: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=170519)

Its really counterintuitive, especially to guys outside this site. But its true.

And the worst part is I knew this. I knew that I was spending too much time with her. This is why I posted this.

We did pretty well over the holiday break when we went our separate ways and visited our families - phone conversation every few days, maybe a text or two here and there. The contact wasn't excessive. But after we came back the old pattern resumed, and the fighting resumed.

Now she played a little text game with me today. Her first text is a picture of the Seinfeld diner (since she knows I love Seinfeld) with just "hehe"

I didnt recognize it, so I go
Me: hm?
Her: Its the Seinfeld diner in New York
Me: Wow. Didnt recognize it
Her: Yep. It was hard to get the shot in the sun

I didnt reply to the last one. She is just fishing for attention at this point.

Now I am facing a dilemma. I still want to go Salsaing at the usual places, but its likely I'll see her there. I dont really want to see her, but at the same time I dont want to shy away from the Salsa scene (easy to meet women that way as well - its how I met her!) So I plan to go and if I see her to be polite, but not overly friendly.