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LTR advice on wife meeting husband’s needs

whynot123

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I’m new to the whole game, terminology, etc. I’m married, 2 kids, 42. I love my wife and she loves me and we have a pretty great relationship.

I used to be a natural Alpha-ish male when I met her but turned beta.

What I want:

-Respect
-Attraction from her toward me
-Affirmations—like how highly she esteems me as I do this for her all the time. Yes I know I don’t need it—I just want it.
-Passion from her

She’s not disrespectful, she affirms better than she used to and has some attraction, with no passion. She’ll always give me sex but it’s always boring and with no lust.

I’ve started working out, losing weight and being more confident as I have a really good job now. She just lost hers.


What can I do to get her to do what I want more likely? And from a genuine place?

Thank you.
 

Young OG

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I’m new to the whole game, terminology, etc. I’m married, 2 kids, 42. I love my wife and she loves me and we have a pretty great relationship.

I used to be a natural Alpha-ish male when I met her but turned beta.

What I want:

-Respect
-Attraction from her toward me
-Affirmations—like how highly she esteems me as I do this for her all the time. Yes I know I don’t need it—I just want it.
-Passion from her

She’s not disrespectful, she affirms better than she used to and has some attraction, with no passion. She’ll always give me sex but it’s always boring and with no lust.

I’ve started working out, losing weight and being more confident as I have a really good job now. She just lost hers.


What can I do to get her to do what I want more likely? And from a genuine place?

Thank you.
I'm going to be honest with you. It's too late to change things. She sounds like she lost attraction for you and you already said she doesn't respect you. She is most likely only in the marriage still because of the kids and only is giving you sex because she doesn't want to turn you down. The sex is boring because she isn't attracted to you anymore and she's just going through the motions. There really isn't much you can do to make her attracted to you again. Don't be surprised if she eventually leaves you.
 

whynot123

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I think you’re right—she’s lost attraction for me. In my definition of respect—you’re right she doesn’t respect me. I don’t know that she’s in the marriage just because of the kids, I don’t think that’s true. But then again, you might be right in a subconscious way — she might feel differently if we didn’t have kids and we both just don’t know it. I think you’re spot regarding her not wanting to turn me down. She’s that type who wants to please, dutifully, her husband. But honestly, even when she was insane about me 10 years ago when we got married, sex wasn’t that great. She was one of my hottest lays but never super passionate on bed. She knew she was hot enough to just lay there. I think with our religious beliefs and the downward trajectory of women’s sexual value it is unlikely she’ll leave me. I’m C-suite now and am getting back to my old confidence and I meet a lot of her needs. But you never know, you could be right. Where I mostly disagree with you is that nothing can be done about it now. People always lose attraction at points in their marriage. I know there are tactics and I’m just learning them. I just don’t know which ones and where to employ them. It sounds like you think it’s hopeless but I imagine some others wouldn’t and I’m interested in what they might have to say. Thanks for the thoughts.
 

metalwater

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I’m new to the whole game, terminology, etc. I’m married, 2 kids, 42. I love my wife and she loves me and we have a pretty great relationship.

I used to be a natural Alpha-ish male when I met her but turned beta.

What I want:

-Respect
-Attraction from her toward me
-Affirmations—like how highly she esteems me as I do this for her all the time. Yes I know I don’t need it—I just want it.
-Passion from her

She’s not disrespectful, she affirms better than she used to and has some attraction, with no passion. She’ll always give me sex but it’s always boring and with no lust.

I’ve started working out, losing weight and being more confident as I have a really good job now. She just lost hers.


What can I do to get her to do what I want more likely? And from a genuine place?

Thank you.
welcome. you will get different advice in this forum from what other forums tell. These are the ideas that are real and not filtered to be politically correct and friendly.

It can be done what you ask, but you have a lot of ground to cover.

Search up married red pill on reddit. read all the books they tell. it is a lot of info but you will need it all.
The married red pill has a step-by-step plan and it works. very difficult to do, some of the ideas in it will challenge you or anyone, it did me.

I went from having a woman that was a lot worse than your telling, that now more or less is exactly what any guy is looking for if they like the physical type. The behavior is now decent. It required doing all the things in that Reddit and to continue doing, plus at least one thing that most will find distasteful. In short women's behavior can be hacked, it's just much harder to do for someone that she has lost attraction for. It is easier to do it with a girl you just met, or for a man that she just met to do it to her. But you CAN do it. Read all that stuff and start reading all the topics in this forum. LOTS of guys just like you in the world with exactly the same problem.

Decide soon if you going to try or abandon and get rid of her. No sense trying for another year and then getting rid of her. That is a waste of a year. If you're going to fix it, do it now as from what your describing she is currently available to others.



--
 

Atom Smasher

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It’s absolutely not too late. 95% of what is taught around here is applicable to marriage. It will just take a little time. It sounds like you’re on the right path. Get yourself into good shape and effect a very subtle occasional rejection of your wife. In other words, show some independence from her. Don’t overtly threaten. Just let her see that you are desirable to others.
 

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Serenity

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Are you doing things you both enjoy together, just the two of you without the kids? I believe it's very important to nurture the relationship in this way fairly regularly, but it seems many couples forget this and go through the monotony of everyday life day in and day out.

She’ll always give me sex but it’s always boring and with no lust.
Are you showing passion during sex? Is this a situation where both of you are waiting for the other to show some passion? I find that the more passionate I become in bed, the more my wife goes crazy for the sex. You say she "gives me" sex, it should be you giving her a wild time.

She just lost hers.
This isn't helping, but (hopefully) it's just a temporary condition that will pass. Best you can do is consider what I mentioned above and give her a good time, see if that improves things. If not then the problem is more extensive.
 

RickTheToad

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It's not too late, but you have some work to do. Focus more on you and not her. A successful marriage is where she puts you above anyone else; including the kids. Start doing things together such as working out and exercising if you want her to lose weight. As for your own personal safety net, you should start saving for a rainy day incase she does change her mind once the kids fly the coup. A dude I've known for 20 years is a stock market advisor. From the outside in, you can see he loved his wife and did the best he could to give his family a good life. Married for over 18 years, the kids are not leaving the coup to go to college and his wife told him she wants a divorce. He loses the house, half of his retirement, covers all the legal fees and has to pay her alimony for the next 9 years.

Don't be this dude. Setup a secret emergency fund that only you have access to. Get a bank safe deposit box and start buying gold and silver from the USMint or eBay and store it at a bank that she doesn't use. I'd go one further and buy 20.00 dollars of Bitcoin (BTC), Ethereum (ETH) and/or Cardano (ADA) on KUCoin and hold it offshore and separately. Do not sell, just buy and accumulate over the years. Once you sell, you would have to pay taxes. If, all works, you can share the proceeds with your wife and family at a later date. If it doesn't, you will not be wiped out in a potential divorce. Another thing you can do is open up a custodial account with an investment company in your children's name and invest on their behalf. Just list you and you only as the custodian and slowly invest into these accounts. Once you need the money, you can sell and pay the taxes; but if you start soon, you'd build up a nice fund to restart if you need to do so.

To try and turn things around, you need to put yourself first and she has to follow. You lead, she follows. You make the decisions, you say you want her to do things with her, etc. If you see she's resisting, then it's not a good sign. Unfortunately, you have to pull back and by your actions, make her chase you. This is done by actions and not words. Please check out the recommended books page for some good tips on how to right the ship.

-----> Recommended books for all men - New Members Start Here <-----
 

BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

It can be done. You must commit to yourself first as a man. Most of the men here advising you thus far are 40s thru 60s; several are in satisfying marriages. You can resculpt yourself. Become again or reassert yourself as her best option. Require things of her. No more complacency. Complacency kills passion. I’m 52 as well. So there are people here who get it. Read the books noted, welcome & all the best.

Cheers
 

RickTheToad

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Advice from the old lady:

It can be done. You must commit to yourself first as a man. Most of the men here advising you thus far are 40s thru 60s; several are in satisfying marriages. You can resculpt yourself. Become again or reassert yourself as her best option. Require things of her. No more complacency. Complacency kills passion. I’m 52 as well. So there are people here who get it. Read the books noted, welcome & all the best.

Cheers
38, ma'am.
 

Modern Man Advice

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I’m new to the whole game, terminology, etc. I’m married, 2 kids, 42. I love my wife and she loves me and we have a pretty great relationship.

I used to be a natural Alpha-ish male when I met her but turned beta.

What I want:

-Respect
-Attraction from her toward me
-Affirmations—like how highly she esteems me as I do this for her all the time. Yes I know I don’t need it—I just want it.
-Passion from her

She’s not disrespectful, she affirms better than she used to and has some attraction, with no passion. She’ll always give me sex but it’s always boring and with no lust.

I’ve started working out, losing weight and being more confident as I have a really good job now. She just lost hers.


What can I do to get her to do what I want more likely? And from a genuine place?

Thank you.
Be really careful with your thoughts. I think most (not everything) of this stems from an internal place.

It is pretty typical, and unfortunate if we are being honest, for the relationship between two people within a marriage to become dull. It is the nature and byproduct of routine and familiarity. So let's start by understanding and accepting that.

Secondly, while some of which you are stating might be true. It may not be the complete truth/reality. It is your interpretation of your reality. Be really careful of your thoughts, over time if they are consistently negative, they will translate into how you interact with her and effectively how she interacts with you.

Now to your inquiry or situation, never let a woman get comfortable. She might be becoming or has become too comfortable with you. You need to keep her on her toes. She needs to feel she can lose you at any given moment if YOU decide so. This is not to say, make her jealous and torment her, quite the opposite. Just raise your value so high that she feels she needs to keep up and make sure she attends t your needs. Understanding genuine desire is not non-negotiated.

Ultimately, your problem might live in losing yourself in the marriage, the relationship, and in your family. Find yourself again. Enjoy yourself again. Continue the focus on yourself (losing weight, confidence, finance, etc). She will notice (if she hasn't yet).

Last but not least, I personally think books are amazing. And when it comes to your situation I think no other book will best help you than The Way of the Superior Man by Davi Deida. Read it carefully, apply the knowledge. You will see a difference.

Hope this helps, and feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions.


Modern Man Advice
 

2Rocky

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Don't take advice on here from guys who cannot maintain an LTR.
 
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