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LTR advice - kind request for your opinion

ShePays

Master Don Juan
Joined
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Messages
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Location
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2 yars of mariage, 5 years of living together.
5 years shacking up prior to making it official, for a total of 7, or is 3 years shacking up, for a total of 5?

I'm 30, same as her.
That's excellent news (for you, not so much for her)

No, we don't have children. I sometimes feel that she is one - if it counts.
She is, and you have legal custody of her, unfortunately.

No, I'm independent. We only use one shared account with a fixed amount of money each month for necessities.
Is she also self-sufficient?

I thought it was wrong to be myself, for whatever reason. I used to be a much more extroverted person who loved to be around people. Over the years I become more a lets-stay-at-home guy. I'd like to feel that positive side of life again. It's like focusing on the time with her became my main goal, and when she noticed it, my image of a happy, optimistic party dude vanished. I thought something is wrong with my relationship and that it may blow up soon - I seriously did, but I didn't know what to do about it. Shortly speaking, I'd like to be 'me' again as I feel I'm still the same person inside, just suppressed. And when I've found sosuave.net, went through the readings you guys recommended I finally got this kick in the back to start doing it immediately. Like I finally have the proof that being this nice guy to any woman, as I was always said, is a lie.
It isn't about being a "nice guy" vs being an "as shole." It's just about looking out for #1. Imagine how friendly you'd be to someone who was bullying (psychologically or otherwise) your own 5 year old son -- right in front of you! How long would you tolerate that? Would you put up with it for years? Would you try to empathize with your son's tormentor? No! You wouldn't even hesitate! You'd respond without even considering your response! You'd snap! You should be exactly as vigilant and intolerant of any kind of abuse aimed at YOU!

When you hesitate before responding to abuse, or just let it slide, you send the message to your abuser that she(in this case) is more valuable than you are, more valuable to YOU than yourself!

I honestly had to stop reading RM and DJ Bible a couple of times to prevent my brain from overheating. I felt like something fights this knowledge back all the time, but curiosity won, thankfully.
I have a different take than Tomassi, but it's better than nothing.

I was in great shape when we met, but after I've got a back injury I lost it and never came back to the same shape again.
You just need to do different things(swimming?), but it's important, if only for your own self-image, to get back on that horse.

Does this mean the same as the frame? I actually don't get the idea. Does maintaining the frame mean simply doing what I want and what I need, like taking care of my job, my friends and hobbies and letting her be a part of it? I already read The Rational Male and a part of DJ Bible, but I still didn't find the answer.
Well, there's the "fake it 'til ya make it" mindset, and a lot of PUA thinking is driven by the "act as if" mentality (and honestly rarely gets passed it).

James Allen would advise just the opposite, to conquer your mind, first, and that your surroundings will conform to your altered mindscape.

I would argue that both are important. Few men can become Zen within the confines of a Vietcong POW camp. It's probably easier to take Zen there than to find it there. It isn't enough to simply alter your environment, but you probably won't get you mind right, either, until you make some adjustments. Fortunately, you're not a POW, and still have some control over your environment.

Ultimately, you'll want congruity; so that what you say and do express not only who you want to be, but who you already are.

If you have to censor every thought before expressing it, or apologize for getting annoyed, you've set a long series of bad precedents. If you need a landmine map to navigate a conversation, something's gone too wrong for too long. On the rare occasions you express annoyance with your companions, they should be apologizing to YOU. Would you apologize for defending your boy? He'll NO!

For her, the reason is simple - if I as a wife turned to another man and wanted to leave my husband, the love we used to have isn't there or is very unhealthy. Otherwise, it would prevent me from doing it. Going the level deeper, she said I wasn't the same person anymore. I became more and more like she wanted, losing my happiness on the way, becoming depressed and unsure why I'm so happy. Then she lost interest and went after the next emotional spark she found.
Not that it should make any difference, but she didn't even acknowledge any wrongdoing? It was A L L your fault? Did you apologize to her, for making her break her marital vows? She's a piece of work...but she's a child, and accountability isn't really their thing.

I'm pretty sure she doesn't speak to this guy anymore, but I see that she still can't decide if she wants to catch up on a late carousel or not.
Yeah...you see...you haven't even been able to legally buy beer for 10 years, yet! It's only 5 years since every auto insurance company considered you a menace on the road. You've only been old enough to vote in 3 Presidential elections. You aren't even the minimum legal age to run for President. Most of the time you've spent on this planet, so far, has been as a child.

You are still very young. You're financially independent. You have no children. Your wife cheated on you. You were a saint or a sucker enough to give her a second chance, and she hasn't expressed remorse, and is still treating you like shiit.

The way I see it, she did you a favor. Can you imagine having two kids with her, before discovering she's a disloyal hoor? What if she waited until the kids were in college, to split with your business partner? She did you a favor. You're 30 and un-incumbered!

Go talk to a divorce lawyer who specializes in men's rights. Tell the lawyer everything. And, get your life back! Just don't let the hoor know what you're up to.
 
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