Lowering interest level. I went no Contact

[charlezz]

I have been seeing this girl for 3months, we had sex and bang like horny bunnies, we are not exclusive yet but indirectly, friends are referring to us as couples;

Situation is:- she has to go back to her home country to deal with some immigration stuffs (official work) for a month, she will be back in a months time.
Before she left, we are still very much into one another.

Initially when she returned to her country, we still text sensual messages to one another.. Slowly the intensity seems to be lower and the quality of our conversation seems to weaken. Signs of her having lower interest level than before.

The only AFC text I have done is:- there is once when I am drunk, I told her how much I hope she's beside me. But she did reply positively the next day. But enough to let her sense that I'm into her more than she's into me.

Although she's still texting me how much she misses me or love me, mostly of the time, she ends the conversation first more than I do.

Action > words

I am sensing a slight lowering of interest, thus I NC her (even though she did not LJBF me or whatsoever, our last conversation ends with her saying luv ya with kisses) I was pretty confident that she will initiate contact first, but I was so wrong..

I have NCed her for 7 straight days, she did not even initiated any form of contact. And I was thinking... Was NC even the right move initially?

We used to contact one another every day or 2.

I may be rationalizing that I should be contacting her but I have always read that NO CONTACT is the right thing to do if you sense a lowering of her interest level. Or am I wrong?

In any case, she will be back in my town in 3weeks time.

Continue NC?

I am actually spinning some plates, and happens that one of my plate And my girl above shares some common female friends. What a small world

 

[Tenzen]

shes in another country for a month.
shes not a girlfriend.
why would u be contacting her for anything whens she out of country?
see her in a month she'll be all over you.
Give the gift of missing you no reason to send pointless texts or phone calls which will only lower interest if shes so far away.

 

[bigneil]

Yes you need to make her wonder what you are up to, not to care what she is up to. Expect her to have sex there and to lose all feelings for you. But she will also miss you and want to see you when she returns (though give her a few days after she gets back). You will need to play it cool and not be all over her when you get together again. Otherwise you'll scare her off because she will have detached somewhat but might be wanting to reattach over a few dates.

 

[charlezz]

Thanks guys for the advice. That reinforce my intention, just wanna know what i m doing is correct. Thank you

 

[charlezz]

Oh well, she hasn't contacted for the past 2weeks. Very weird. I was even beginning to second guess the NC move.
As I mentioned, theres no LJBF involved. Our previous conversation still ends great. Just that she's overseas.

Then again, if a girl is interested. She will contact me.
If she's not interested, she will NOT contact. But still weird

 

[MisterD]

Then again, if a girl is interested. She will contact me.
If she's not interested, she will NOT contact. But still weird

That's not always true. Remember, most girls expect the guys to chase and are over there saying the same thing "if he really likes me, he'll contact first"

Then it becomes a stalemate and nobody wins.

If you don't want to break NC, then don't, but don't assume that since she hasn't contacted you first she has no interest. Read almost any female forum you can find, the consensus seems to be they have the exact same idea when it comes to contact. "If the man doesn't contact first, he doesn't like you"

 

[bigneil]

That's not always true. Remember, most girls expect the guys to chase and are over there saying the same thing "if he really likes me, he'll contact first"

Then it becomes a stalemate and nobody wins.

If you don't want to break NC, then don't, but don't assume that since she hasn't contacted you first she has no interest. Read almost any female forum you can find, the consensus seems to be they have the exact same idea when it comes to contact. "If the man doesn't contact first, he doesn't like you"

This is true about 5% of the time. In general if a woman doesn't text YOU after a date consider it over.

 

[charlezz]

In actual fact, I was so confident that NC will work. I am removing the attention that I used to be giving. But apparently, she seems to beat me on my own game... If right now I reinitiate contact, I feel that no "testing" have been made.. I wanna test if she will initiate contact.. May be a wrong move I dunno. Advice?

There are some ppl whom advise continue NC, but some saying that since there is nothin wrong between u guys, you shouldn't NC.

Opinions?

 

[youngmack]

Bruh ,if you spinning plates WHY are you so concerned and caught up with this one girl? You're overthinking...shes overseas doing her,meanwhile you need to do you

Stay in NC though.... if she contacts you, she contacts you, if she doesn't she doesn't..Dont let the ball fall in her court by contacting her. Wait till she gets back to start worrying about her.

 

[charlezz]

Yah, I guess I am getting different opinions, thats why I am confused.

I have a PUA friend that says that some attraction may be killed due to distance and I should do some lighthearted text to regain back the momentum.

However.. I am more inclined to the NC idea
I am staying in NC to see what can turn out of it.

 

[youngmack]

I have a PUA friend that says that some attraction may be killed due to distance and I should do some lighthearted text to regain back the momentum.

Yes this has some truth to it..but remember attraction and rapport are created through physical interaction rather then through text or social networking,so doing some lighthearted texting to me wont really do anything but show her that you miss her and that she was on your mind...

But hey at the end of the day its really what you want to do

 

[charlezz]

Most NC topics I have seen at sosuave are evolved from guys that have been rejected, LJBFed, dumped or disrespected. My Case is that we are still good and I noticed slight lowering of interest on her side. (ending conversation first, blar blar blar)

I would like her interest to be sky rocket like before but since she's overseas.. Nothing much I can do. That's why texting... Is it going to be pointless? Btw my text game is very good

 

[bigneil]

Since she's away you can kill two birds with one stone: bide your time and let her miss you. You are just as capable of finding someone else as she is (how sad that our world has skewed things so blatantly in the favor of women).

Again, when she gets back you have to basically start all over. Don't make the mistake of jumping on her because chances are she has been with someone else and will feel awkward at first. But her seeing you will revive many feelings. Then you'll probably get a flood of messages after you say goodnight after the first get together. Listen mostly and let her tell you what's going on. Keep your needs out of it.

 

[charlezz]

Since she's away you can kill two birds with one stone: bide your time and let her miss you. You are just as capable of finding someone else as she is (how sad that our world has skewed things so blatantly in the favor of women).

Again, when she gets back you have to basically start all over. Don't make the mistake of jumping on her because chances are she has been with someone else and will feel awkward at first. But her seeing you will revive many feelings. Then you'll probably get a flood of messages after you say goodnight after the first get together. Listen mostly and let her tell you what's going on. Keep your needs out of it.

Thanks bro

 

[charlezz]

Actually there is something that i forget to add on. I am actually dating someone whom happens to be her friend's friend. They share a common friend. But they do not know each other personally.

The new girl i was dating actually likes me a lot! But i refrain from taking advances as she is just a HB7 at most. Not exactly my type. And i do not want my chick to get the "wrong" idea aka unnecessary drama

I was actually drunk one night and 'accidentally' kissed this new girl.. Oh gosh.. The potential problem is that the new girl may let this common friend (Her good friend!) know and in turn let my original chick know that "charlezz" is not really behaving well in town..

My chick actually knows that this new girl digs me, when she asked me (before the NC period) what her name is, i brushed it off by saying "I forgot her name"

As above.. may possibly be one of the reason why she didn't contact me..

 

[charlezz]

I break NC.. after 2weeks of NC

I was at my friends wedding and I saw a mascot that the bridegroom brought to his wife. A cute "whatever name" bear from japan. It's actually human sized and awesome cute (I hate To use this word)

My chick actually told me before she is a big fan of this "whatever name" bear.

So I took a photo and send it to her mobile
Me: Hey (chick name), saw this weird bear that you shown me before at my friend's wedding <attach pic>

Her: ehhh what bear??
Her: oh!!!! My <whatever name> bear!

I don't know what to reply. LoL. It's like a Q&A short dialogue.

 

[charlezz]

seems like youre developing oneitis.. Seems you are totally stuck on this chick and are putting her on a pedastool. You must think about her every minute of every day. YOu fvucked up by breaking no contact. You should of just done you and waited until she came back to you. Man I'll never understand how guys just over think the **** out of everything to the point where they act on emotions. You were at a wedding and had a terribly weak moment and sent that pic. You are really missing the boat here man. You couldn't wait three weeks bro?? And why are you messing around with a girl who is friends with her?? What do you hope to accomplish by that?? You should of been out having a good time with buddies spinning new plates that are not in your immediate social circle.

Bro, I understand what you mean. I can relate to your advice towards most guys with broken hearts in the board. But do realise that in my situation, there is no LJBF or whatsoever, but i sense that there is a lowering of interest level.

I took this advice as below too hard. It actually is quite similar to my situation.

By Jariel, on http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=192885
"You did the right thing by going NC when you felt a change in her interest. It's wise to trust your instincts in these situations.

However, it wouldn't hurt to drop her a quick text now that 2 weeks has gone by. Just ask if she fancies meeting up in the week. If she doesn't accept or shows hesitation, then go back to no contact and move on.

I've lost out on too many situations the past year due to being stubborn. I went NC with girls and they went NC with me, both thinking the other had lost interest. I was quite surprised when some of the girls I nexted eventually told me they really liked me and couldn't understand why I started ignoring them. Turned out we were both just trying to protect our egos."



----
I am not a fan of NC for no reason, I will only go a decent 2weeks NC if i sense interest is lower than before. (UNLESS I Am disrespected, dumped or LJBFed, I will go permanent NC).


Above conversation after she said
Her: ehhh what bear??
Her: oh!!!! My <whatever name> bear!

i didn't reply at all and no intention to.
Reason.. Its going towards a one-way Question & answer session.. until she probes into me more. Can sense interest is low, and i do understand from experience that women's interest can go south quickly without warning.



And the reason why i am messing with the 2nd girl (they are not direct friends but they have ONE common friend) is that, this second girl actually have 99% interest level in me. but i try not to get involved with her (physical basis) first. This 2nd girl in fact is a giver, a HB7 at most.


Last night, my guy friends and I went to a club and girls came to me (I am handsome, tall, fit and drive a luxurious Car) claiming how handsome I was, I can lay 1 or 2 of them but they are just HB6 at most. not my type.


I don't deny I have Oneitis, but I am not as 'weak' as what normal AFCs are. Despite having Oneitis, I still hit the gym every 2 days, see more girls, I actually have 3 FBuddies now. My game is awesome tight, my friends look up to me as a "Leader of the Pack and a Ladies' man"


I even had a girl that compliments me "You are the most confident man i have ever seen in my life" Wow, that Rocks! I never show my Oneitis to anyone, except to 2 close guys friends and all my sosuave brothers.


Btw, I actually would love Jariel to have a look and comment about my situation but his PM box is full.


Of coz, other comments welcome.

 

[Barracuda]

Well then leave it at that..

She's replied 'Oh!!! My <whatever> bear!'

Apart from that, she's not asked you anything.

So leave it there, go spin some plates and live your life.

You'll tend to find that if a chick messages you and you don't respond (when she thinks you're needy) she'll eventually come seeking validation that she still has you where she wants you (simple cognitive dissonance) - Thats if she gives a fvck at all.

Even if she does.. the minute you reply, she'll have the validation she needs (yes, you are still into her) and her interest will be gone again.

Then you go NC again.. and the whole thing goes on and on and on pointlessly like that, wasting time and energy going nowhere.

UNLESS, you make some radical change and bust her balls a bit, tease her etc when you reply.. at best, it's a long shot.. a very long shot.

BUT.. it sounds like a no go. She's out of the country, low interest, too much effort and caring on your part. It's no good.

.. go get something better dude. You know it makes sense too.

 

[charlezz]

I love you guys, basically.. Although this is an online portal, we are sharing our experiences, helping one another.

No matter how good your game is, there is bound to be a girl that you will pay more emphasis on. Oneitis is like nicotine. You need to cold turkey it.

I know what to do and I have been "real life" experienced and theory experienced. My inner game is average.

I will still update this board on the progress

Meantime, I will go NC (not in a self defeating manner) I still live my life and getting my sexual desire fulfilled.

If she comes, good. It will be another test of my mindset

If she doesn't, I haven't lose my self respect by begging and being needy. (to my guy friends and sosuave, I am desperate and needy but in her front, I am still cool)

Don't come telling me that I will inevitably release a vibe of neediness in front of her, I will not.. Due to my experienced background

She will be returning in weeks time. Games on then. Meanwhile, getting more chicks and improving my life is the NUMBER 1 pirority

 

[charlezz]

Alright, she's back today and just called me asking why haven't I called or text her recently.
I replied that I have been bz with work lately.

I will follow Bigneil advice and not jump immediately to her. Will ask her out few days later and see how she reacts once she sees me.

Should be fun. I need to remind myself to keep my needs away.