Lower my standards?

[Don Juanobi]

Ok, I'm fairly certain I have some emotional probs.
Generally, I don't have a problem talking to women and building rapport fairly easily, I can approach them 'cold' on occasion as well, however it seems like I am subconsciously engineering ways to sabatoge my success. I am deathly afraid of success to be honest with you and as soon as it looks like I'm getting somewhere I panic and bail.

This of coarse happens when I am interacting with women I find attractive.
As a result I have absolutly no experiance with women at an intimate level.
Recently I just met a slender, shy, not particularily attractive girl who is very interested in me. It was no prob for me to aquire her phone #, call her up and go for an icecream.
This particular girl does not scare me nearly as much, and now I am considering hanging out with her continually as a means of desensitizing myself to intimate interactions of the female kind.
My attempt would be to round first and go for second base in a period of a month or so.

Does anyone consider this a wise choice? This girl is by no means a prize and frankly I would be embarrased if friends saw me with her. Does this have the potential of further damaging my psyci?
particularily if my friends 'catch' me with her.
On the other side, I suspect I would gain confidence at least in experiancing an intimate friendship.

 

[boxcar07]

Hey I have the exact same problem as you, as soon as I get near success I always back off for some reason. I don't know what it could be.

I'm relieved to see someone else is like this, but it sucks doesn't it? It's just something you have to work on, but yeah I'm the exact same way, weird.

If i were you, I'd just hang out with her at your house, or her house, that way you can't get caught with her right?

 

[Rhetorical]

Why would you fear success? learn to embrace it. Gain more experience points while your at it with her, and show audacity and confidence. Act as if she was the 50th girl that you've dated.

 

[vdk]

yeah, when I date an attractive gal there is this niggling thing at the back of my mind that says "am I good enough for her". of course the Bible forbits this thought but I cant help it. lowering standards do help especially if her looks are for example a '6' but personality is '9'. For me if a girl is physically attractive I get a little intimidated, however, if her personality is a 10 I wont get intimidated at all.

 

[MysteryWoman]

If she is slender, why should you be embarrassed to be seen with her? I could understand if she was fat. Do you only go for models?

 

[bp1974]

Who cares what your friends think. If you like her, go for it.

Don't promise her anything you won't deliver on, and she'll have no cause to complain.

It'll be good experience for you.

bp1974

 

[BruticusMaximus]

Maybe she looks like that pirate-woman out of Fight Club?

I also have that automatic run away thing when I get positive signals. Been trying to beat it for years, it's the source of a lot of regret.

The most obvious example I can think of is this time years ago, a girl grabbed my ass and gave me this big smile. I really fancied her too. I smiled back - next thing I know i'm standing at the other side of the bar. Like I literally had no control over my reaction! Weird.

 

[Don Juanobi]

no this girl is a '4' on a good day. But I suppose there can't be any harm in hanging out with her while at the same time I continue to try and meet new chicks..

 

[FlyGuy]

I'd say as long as you don't lead her on then it would be a good thing. Don't break her heart just so you can get some practice. What's wrong with her anyway?

That reaction you have to avoiding success is pretty wierd. Does it have something to do with insecurity? I.E. you subconciously think that you aren't good enough for her and eventually she will dump you so you avoid the possibility altogether?

 

[Don Juanobi]

I suspect my fear of success is directly related to my lack of experiance of any kind. I catch myself making wild leaps of assumption also, as if just because she enjoyed our breif convo I'm gonna have to ask her to marry me in a week. stupid stuff like that. It is more of a fear of doing something wrong than getting dumped I think.