low self esteem

[ganggreen12]

dont got much of an introduction but ill start with some what of a story. I have developed very low self esteem over the years and confidence issues. seem to have failed with alot of jobs. Bounced around and have never found a career. I have had one girl friend in my life from when i was in grade 8 to grade 10. since than I have tried getting better girls always made them laugh had alot of of girl friends in high school. key word friends. Was always called cute but never got the girl was always in the friend zone. I Became over weight over the years didnt do great in school. Working at labor jobs and nothing really worth white and became more fat. Until 1 day i decided to change and have lost a whole bunch of weight and put on muscle been at it 4 5 years. it is the only thing that gives me the motivation or something to look forward to. Maybe it became an obsession. I hide at the gym became ripped looking good but have no clue how to talk to girls. have insecurities when it comes to relationships. always afraid to make the move that i get shut down. or she think i have a ugly ****. or im a badd kisser all kinds of dumb things like that. my last girl friend i was 17 now im 25 kissed maybe a couple girls since than. no gfs no hook ups or getting laid. IT has been along time since i been with a woman. Havent even been on a date. Im afraid or insecure I dont even know how to have a gf, kiss so on. so i rather just run it seems. I dont have a solid career and currently jobless living in my parents basement feeling like a loser. I am taking courses to be a personal trainer and do something i love, share my experiences with others and help them achieve results like me. Though I am scared and think im going to fail before i even finish. Always thinking I well be a bad trainer. fail at life like I have since than. I look at everyone around me and how they all have girl friends, houses, careers and im lonely without even a job. I have been told my whole life from friends,strangers, family, parents that I am dumb and always assume this and fail with things. trying to get that outta my head but it is hard when i had it my whole life. reading alot of books how we are what we believe. I know this is the worst possible thing to write because than I put this negativity belief in my head. Im not looking for your pity im just curious on some advise. I need a mentor or a life coach and i can not afford to see a shrink. or come up with enough courage to see one. THX FOR READING

 

[GotED?]

Welcome - a few pointers for ya (as I feel I been there as you have, though not as bad but shyness is a double-edged sword, meaning it actually protects you from harsh things in life as I look back at my younger years):

1) break up your post into smaller paragraphs, more people will read and not fall asleep/give up.

2) sign up for a public speaking class or exposure to public speaking, it will help tremendously in all areas of your lacking confidence in non-verbal communication.

3) keep doing what makes you feel good, including keeping your body fit.

4) explore clothing that FITS you, never buy sizes larger than necessary due to being cheap or on clearance. Women see a man easily with confidence, including how he dresses. Get rid of wearing sneakers, sandals, and things that makes you look really unattractive unless you are in a gym or on the beach, etc. always iron your clothes/jeans/pants, wear nice cologne, get updated haircut/hair style, use some gel in your hair if it is boring.

5) practice eye contact with strangers - get a job that requires you to interact with people. Eye contact is 50% of getting a woman's attention when you are in a 1-on-1 situation. Weak eye contact unconsciously turns off a woman and is a sign of lacking confidence and intellectual prowess.

6) Read - read books on subjects of interests to you so you have something to talk about. the art of conversation can be learned but first you must have the ammunition. intellectual wit is sometimes a natural skill but you can enhance it even if it doesn't come naturally.

7) Go join groups that does things together and have fun. Check out 'meetup.com' in your local area and it provides a safe environment to socialize with others.

8) Focus on getting a career and financially stability first, most women will find you more attractive as well, though not always a given.

9) Move out of your parent's house as soon as your financially capable.

10) Don't be too hard on yourself, we can not change anything in us overnight. But if you want to have a better life, you must believe in yourself, one day at a time. Never look too far ahead as it will always overwhelm you.

Good luck.

With respect,

Exodus

 

[backseatjuan]

You're not first and you're not last. You're feeling like crap because you are not having sex, and if you're jerking off everyday that makes everything even worst. Stop jerking off, approach a girl.

Don't know what to say?

Say hi.

When they start saying hi back to you, come here and ask me what to say next.