getting more confidence is not easy, it will not happen overnight. but it is something you can work on in small steps like any other skill.
You probably already have confidence in certain areas of your life. You probably have a few skills that you excel in. Give yourself props for that.
But there are some areas of your life where you have little or no confidence. The thought of just being in those situations probably scares the 5hit out of you.
Well, it shouldn't. You are probably trying to be something immediately that you aren't and imagining failure, when failure is not really a bad outcome.
The bad outcome is that you never try, and never improve (or just keep putting it off).
All you need to do to get confidence is really believe a couple things, that really are true if you think about it.
1. you can learn new abilities with practice.
2. confidence is a thing that comes within you, and you have an ability to generate an unlimited amount of it.
3. some people will try to make you feel bad or set you back. Learn to ignore these people, and still be able to integrate positive criticism.
The next time you are in a situation where you lacking confidence, think to yourself "If I had an infinite amount of confidence, what would I do in this situation?"
Just asking that question, makes you realize that confidence is something you can control and gain.
take small steps. At first, maybe just start thinking about these things in your head, and imagining a realistic outcome.
For example, lets say you want to have more confidence with approaching hot babes.
First, you have to realize that many people have confidence issues with this situation, and that it is not an easy thing to overcome.
Just that fact that you are experiencing anxiety does not made you a dumb person or an inadequate person. It happens to almost everyone.
Whatever you are facing, make it as easy as possible, while still challenging yourself.
Back to the HB - just decide to go up to her and say "do you happen to know the time?" or "hey, that’s a cool hat/scarf/sweater - where did you get it? I need to get a present for my friend/sister." her - "blah blah blah", you - "okay thanks, have a great day!" (yes, these are kind of lame examples - but they will work okay)
Just plan on asking her that, do not plan on even asking for a number or trying to have a long conversation. Don't be afraid to make up questions or reasons to talk to people. It makes it so much easier if you realize that people do this a lot, so they can initiate conversation easier.
See the DJ Bible, it covers some of this stuff specifically related to talking to people. Go at you own pace; don't worry about where you need to be at.
Also, don't be afraid to really face this and talk to a therapist/counselor if you are having issues tackling this on your own.
Many smart, well rounded people do this. You may be able to understand at a deeper level what is going on, and you will face these obstacles and overcome them sooner rather than later.
and have some some fun goddammit!
