Low interest level years ago..now..??

[DoubleA]

Maybe you guys could advise me on this..

I have a issue with women I met years ago and they weren't interested in giving me phone numbers to initiate any kind of relations with me. For what ever reason the conversations never got me anywhere. Possibly because I didn't know how to carry on a conversation, she was involved with someone, or my game was just flat out weak.

Well..the other day I was standing in the line at this bank. This woman walks in to the line and I recognized her as this big butt chick I tried to speak to years ago. I was carrying a few lbs more than now. I see her and recognize her. She gets into the line a few people behind me, maybe five or six. I stand there waiting because the line is long. Not looking at her but looking straight forward.

Minutes later I finally get to the teller..her name was Rina. During the transaction I start flirting with her. Asking her if she's ready for Xmas. Was she a good girl this year? Out the corner of my eye I can see the homegirl folding her arms looking kinda like why is he talking to her. True the teller wasn't physically my type, but she seemed cool. After, my transaction was over I walked out and popped my collar. I was headed to the mall to finish Xmas shopping. I didn't ask the teller for her number because I figured I was being flirtatious, but she might have given it to me if I went in for the kill. I wasn't interested in holding up the line.

After walking away I never looked back. I didn't talk to rejection chick because she wasn't attracted to me enough then for me to get to know her, so why should it have changed now? I can understand if I got the number and called and that was it. But I didn't even get across the 50 yard line with her. Oh and btw, she didn't even speak to me.:yawn:

Tell me. Should I have approached the chick who rejected me years before somehow knowingly she remembered me? How would that have looked? Wouldn't that have made me look like a guy who was sweating the hell outta her, years later?

Or was I right in keeping on, knowing I am a man in a area with so many single women that I shouldn't go running to some woman who rejected me years ago?

Input needed for further growth and development.

Merry Xmas!

 

[d9930380]

Years change people alot. Some people especially guys are insecure in school and then develop confidence later in life and confidence is the key. Girls also start looking "long term" around 30 so her priorities might have changed since she was 18.

I wouldn't approach her because **** her, why bother, she had her chance in school and doesn't deserve another especially as there are plenty of other women. Besides it strikes a bit of needing validation from this girl that you aren't the same person you where before.

 

[Hitman10000]

I'm a bit iffy on trying to date girls who gave me the shove off years ago. All I know is that they know they did that and they should make a greater effort on reconcilation or even dating.

 

[MatureDJ]

For all you know, she might have thought that you might be wanting to try and get her phone number again. Or maybe she didn't even remember you, and you thought that she was looking at you.

Now as for the question of hitting on a woman you have already struck out with, I would not actively pursue such a woman. If I saw and remembered such a woman somewhere, and she would smile back (because she remembered me generally, but not as a man that she rejected), I would talk to her and while in the conversation, tell her that I had remembered trying to get her phone number before, and then if she were still at a suitably high enough sexual market value, offer her a second chance.

I would tend to think that most women in such a situation would give out the number the second time (unless they would be unavailable) simply because by remembering me (and not negatively), they would would feel somewhat of a connection that would be worth at least a date. Of course, if such a woman remembers rejecting me the first time, she would probably put on the super strength b1tch shield.

 

[Latinoman]

In this particular case...you did the right thing.

She probably remembered you. Probably not. Does not matter. You did the right thing.

 

[jamescr73]

I was a little overweight and an outcast in highschool, didnt have much confidence, never had a girlfriend, and really didnt know how to talk to girls. But now (8 years after graduation), I have a ton of confidence, im in shape and work out 3-4 days a week, i can approach about any girl and strike up a convo and usually leave with a number, and a few weeks ago i ran into ms popular from highschool, after closing time walking to my car from a club. I was about to walk right by her and not say a thing, but she actually stopped me and started chatting. She doesnt look as good now as she did, but it was great seeing the look on her face when she started talking to me. She commented on how i look, and even gave me a hug. It was pretty funny. She despised me in HS. I barely gave her the time of day, and wouldnt even think of dating her now. Mostly because shes been married, divorced and has 2 kids. Nice. Those moments are great.

 

[DoubleA]

Jamescr73,
Great post!

Latinoman,
Thanks for the confirmation.

I was thinking more along the lines of post high school/college. I was out on the scene when I met her, back in the day around 2002.

 

[Vulpine]

Sounds like you are like me, Rollo. I remember ALL the chicks that I "took shots at and missed". I used to spend a lot of time considering "what if". Not so much anymore. See, in older "AFC" days, I wasn't nearly the prize I am now. And that sets the tone for these encounters.

Back when initial approaches happened, I might not have seemed "worthwhile" or I might have just fuxed up my game. Whatever the reason, I used to internalize the rejection and look for reasons to see it was my fault, and it would take a bite out of my self-esteem. Duh.

Well, lo and behold, the same chick ends up presenting themselves to me again in the future. And what has happened? I'm better, and she's worse. The tables have completely turned: I wouldn't give HER the time of day. I'm nowhere near the same person I was five years ago.

I have a scenario that I play in my head that really keeps my thoughts in check about women and dating, as well as keeps my perspective healthy...

I remember when I was young that I bought a lottery ticket. Well, that $2 lottery ticket paid $5. Rather than be happy with the $5, I bought a few more lottery tickets. Of those 3, my winnings totalled $10! Did I take the $10? Of course not! I was on a roll! I proceeded to get five more tickets. This time the winnings were $8. Four more tickets, $6. Three more tickets, $2. At this point I figured, "what the hell?", and bought one more. That one lost, and I was out $2. I had a little fun, but I wasted a bunch of time screwing around. I learned a lesson that day: quit while you're ahead.

Women, it seems, are suckers for the "lottery of men". They'll have a winner in their hands, but the allure of a better prize keeps them playing, and playing, and playing. Rather than quit at -$2.oo, they buy back in! And it continues for far too long. All the signs and promotional materials keep bringing them back: "You can't win if you don't play!"

The results are "hobby daters". These chicks that are never satisfied with "good", so they throw away that winner to play again. It's not until they realize they are fat and sagging that they come to "Boy, I sure am having a bummer losing streak, maybe I should quit."

I've come to realize that I wasn't, and probably never was, a "loser". I was always a prize, granted not the grand prize, but a winner nonetheless. If a chick is foolish enough to throw away a winner to play again, it has nothing to do with me. The last laugh now is that I'm the equivalent of having taken the $10 and invested it. Not millions of dollars, but oh so much more than the -$2.oo they have now.

So, Rollo, where I have felt shame or embarrassment before, I only feel pity now. "Awww. A string of losers, eh? Tough luck."

 

[DoubleA]

Exactly.

Love the Lottery analogy.

Kudos!

- DoubleA