Love is extremely powerful

[frivolousz21]

I agree that a lot of guys have that problem, but I don't think Friv does. Not that everyone doesn't have problems. I mean, he is a hockey fan. That's almost as bad as being Canadian.

lol, taking shots!

 

[Mr. Me]

you guys know about 5 percent of me... friv is this, he is that..

Because of the slice of data received to go on, we can only be like the blind men describing the elephant based on whatever part we touch upon.

didnt mean to say they loved me within 1 month.

all of them were 8+ month relationships.

2 of them, were nearly 3 years.

Thanks for adding more elephant to the mix.

Still, given that these women were somewhat at or near your age at the time of their feelings toward you(?) and prone to infatuation in all its forms, plus that an 8 month to three year period can still be under the influence of those intoxicating feel-good chemicals (Love is a drug!), it still may not have been "true" love, but the euphoric effects.

Your loss of interest in these women has to do with that you've "fallen" out of love, so to speak, way before they did?

Perhaps part of your loss of interest has to do with developing something with someone where you knew at the beginning, somewhere deep in your gut, that she didn't quite do it for you in some important regard (such as not her not being pretty enough, or her body not being hot enough, or she has some annoying habits that put you off), but decided to ignore that because everything else was fun or you were getting sexed or getting your ego fed or something. But eventually those little "flaws" magnify and really put you off.

When you're 25ish, you're basically experimenting, discovering, what's out there female-wise and finding out what it is you really like. That means exploring all sorts of women, not just any one type - until you discover a few types that you find stir you more than others. Perhaps so far, you're discovering those you don't respond to much.

And I'd also toss in, based on the parts of the elephant about you I've seen, that "f@ck 'em harder" isn't always the right answer to relationship problems... so no doubt there's some relationship skills you need to pick up. Most guys don't.

They'll learn how a car engine works, they'll learn skills for a career, in just about any endeavor in life there's more to it then it looks like... but when it comes to relationships, few get good at nurturing it. Which is why most relationships end or become poor quality relationships.

yet some of you are the guys sitting on the internet with life long relationship issues.

You're not immune to the same circumstances happening to you as what's happened to your older brothers, unless you're a robot. And unless you live the rest of your life as a hermit, you too will accumulate some baggage along life's journey. And with those experiences, one can actually learn.

In a public forum like this, you'll get 100 opinions from 100 posters. You have to mine for the gold nuggets and know what to toss out.

 

[Ingeniarius]

Do you like Huey Lewis and the news? Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercial and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humour. In '87, Huey released this, Fore, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to be Square", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself.

I think the question is not, " Do I like Huey Lewis and the News", but rather

"Have you seen American Psycho lately?"

 

[Alexander the Great]

heres the thing... its very easy to confuse 'love' with 'neediness'.

being able to 'love' is essential in life. but don't ever confuse 'love' with co-dependency or being a wimp or a 'nice' guy etc.

a MAN can love and not become dependent on the thing he loves. women LOVE this. what women hate is the man who becomes a slave to his emotions, who becomes NEEDY and calls it 'love'.

99% of AFCs are guys who are overly needy and each one of them has a story of how they 'loved' a woman who tore their heart out.

the reality is that they were beta males. a real man, an alpha male, loves not just his woman, but himself and his life. if his woman starts acting up, then he removes his love from her and moves on. he controls his love, not the other way around.

friv's problem is that he is viewing love as the answer, when in reality the answer is always about self love first and foremost - and self control and self respect. learn to love your life and then you've got a shot at loving a woman in a way that doesn't get you screwed in the end.

Quoted for common sense.

I have become to admire your insights, joekerr. You always make common sense in concise words.

 

[reset]

I think the question is not, " Do I like Huey Lewis and the News", but rather

"Have you seen American Psycho lately?"

LOL! One of the best scenes.

 

[Colossus]

anyways the reason I am posting this is for all the guys who have been dating a women for 1 month or more....if your sig. other isn't "head over heals for you" then you better take a good look at whats going on..an be objective.

Friv, I got news for ya---if your S.O. is "head over heels" for you after a month, that's called infatuation. Sure it's fun, but you have to recognize it's impermanence.

And IQQI- the reason why the sosuave steamroller is out for Friv is because he comes at us with this b.s. pop-psych reference about the "stages of love". Of course we arent going to buy that rubbish.

I will readily admit that i have been in love. Big time. The emotions i had for this girl literally ruled my life; the highest highs and the lowest lows. I am definitely not saying that kind of emotional intensity is what constitutes being in love. It's an incredibly powerless way to live. I was with this girl long enough to know it wasnt just infatuation. I still have residual feelings for her. It's crazy and it defies reason. Maybe there is a clinical explanation for it; i dont know. I personally dont think we can FULLY define being in love in physiological terms. There is an intangible element to it. Experiencing is believing.


That being said, there is healthy, mature, mutual love; and there is unhealthy, unbalanced emotional ownership. Like JOEKERR said, you can love without being dependent on the thing you love. I know it's not always that simple, but when you are young you cant really distinguish between the two.

 

[synergy1]

I think the question is not, " Do I like Huey Lewis and the News", but rather

"Have you seen American Psycho lately?"

It has been on the movie channels for the past few months!

 

[STR8UP]

I will readily admit that i have been in love. Big time. The emotions i had for this girl literally ruled my life; the highest highs and the lowest lows. I am definitely not saying that kind of emotional intensity is what constitutes being in love. It's an incredibly powerless way to live. I was with this girl long enough to know it wasnt just infatuation. I still have residual feelings for her. It's crazy and it defies reason. Maybe there is a clinical explanation for it; i dont know. I personally dont think we can FULLY define being in love in physiological terms. There is an intangible element to it. Experiencing is believing.


That being said, there is healthy, mature, mutual love; and there is unhealthy, unbalanced emotional ownership. Like JOEKERR said, you can love without being dependent on the thing you love. I know it's not always that simple, but when you are young you cant really distinguish between the two.

The sentence I highlighted in the quote.....that pretty much sums up the problem I have with this thing some people call "love".

Ask most any woman what "love" is, and most of them will tell you it's about "letting go" and "giving yourself completely", or any other number of phrases that describe a state of powerlessness or implied lack of control.

This is what many, many women think "love" is. That's why I have such a problem with the whole concept. By this definition it is something that I want no part of.

So as clued-in individuals, what is it that we should be seeking?

Colossus kind of touched on it in the last paragraph.

What we should be seeking is more like a mutual admiration and respect for someone. If you're out looking for this magical feel good cure all, you're gonna be disappointed.

Could this be why so many people are disenchanted with a relationship that they wanted so badly just a few months prior?

 

[ketostix]

What we should be seeking is more like a mutual admiration and respect for someone. If you're out looking for this magical feel good cure all, you're gonna be disappointed.

I agree. Mutual respect and admiration is what we should be screening a woman for. The problem is about the only time a woman act this way is when she is in "love" with you are at least highly interested. Of course mutual repect and admiration is not enough to feel "love" for a woman, she has to be attractive too. Romantic love is always transient.

I guess my point is it's normal and there's nothing worng with th good feelings and emotion like love brings. You just have to realize it's most likely going to be transient on one or both people's parts and not get too emotionally invested like joekker said. The trick is finding an attractive woman that you have mutual respect and admiration for. They aree rare and hard to find.