Lost the game. Super depressed.

[Jifto]

I've never been so down. I've had a bunch of girlfriends and good relationships but this one has me wanting to seek medical attention. My brain just feels so f'd from over analyzing.

I met this girl through a friend. It turned out she was dating this friend for over 2 years even though he was married. Anyway, they broke up and we starting hooking up.

After 3 months of lots of fun she told me that she was falling in love with me. Things seemed awesome. Then one day, while drinking, she told me that she couldn't commit to me and would date other people. We didn't fight but I said we should break it off because I wanted a relationship. She freaked out and told me she didn't mean that and we started hanging out / hooking up again.

She went on a long trip and we texted the whole time. She was very forward with telling how much she cared about me, I played it cool but occasionally would say something nice back.

Then she came back. Told me things felt weird and she didn't miss me. I told her ok. Let's stop seeing each other then. She came over and told me she didn't mean that and we hooked up.

Now, a day later, she's giving me one word texts, trying to pick a fight, and hasn't said a single nice thing to me

I've never been more depressed. I love this girl but it's becoming clear she doesn't care about me. I think she may have some real issues. I don't know what to do. I'm having really dark thoughts about myself.

Tldr: girl is hot and cold. Now just cold. Super depressed.

 

[Billtx49]

Those abrupt 180's done like that are similar to a girl with some type of personality disorder. They will put you in a mental fog like you are experiencing also. At any rate, she doesn't seem very stable or invested in you. Focus on other women.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Let's look at the facts....

-She dates a guy, your mate, who's married.
-She says one thing then completely contradicts herself almost immediately

She sounds pretty unstable, lacking in moral fibre and unreliable long term.

You've been manipulated in to being on call. You keep giving in to what she wants (i.e. no commitment). Wouldn't mind betting she met someone while away, which is why she didn't really miss you.

Best thing for you is to keep her for a bit of fun and see other people. You'll meet someone better soon enough and then wonder what all the fuss was about.

 

[phil2015]

I agree with billtx49. Those 180s point towards some sort of disorder, or at least something being off with her anyhow.

Twice you went to call it off and she changed her mind. Sounds like she wants to keep you in backup position, and is likely trying to string you along.

Walk away and never look back

 

[Urbanyst]

About 90% of a woman's behavior is the result of her own issues, insecurities and inner demons. About 10% of her behavior has to do with you.

You're taking way too much responsibility for her nutty ways. I think it might be time for an upgrade. Get out there and start chatting with some new women. Its spring time!

 

[Jifto]

So what do I do now? Just ignore her? Break it off(again) but stick to my guns? She's smoking hot and a lot of fun when there's no drama (which is less and less often).

 

[Billtx49]

Don't keep sticking your D in crazy. You are already depressed and It will only get worse for you. Go NC and forget her. If you do that though, and she is disordered, be forewarned as she will likely try to Hoover you back to her life at some future point with big promises that will ultimately mean nothing as her crazy will come out again.
Play it safe and seach this forum or google for the word Borderline and see if any bells start ringing for you.

 

[RangerMIke]

She knows she should want you, but she's not feeling the chemistry. She tortures you because she feels like it's your fault that she's not feeling more. Normal stuff for a chick with low self-esteem (LSE). The 1st sign of LSE is relationships with married or otherwise unavailable men. You need to let her go and don't look back.

 

[wifehunter]

Hot and cold = walk away

 

[Solomon]

Hot and cold = walk away

This....but his judgment is clouded cause she is bobbin up and down on OP's ****
We have all been there

 

[Jifto]

This....but his judgment is clouded cause she is bobbin up and down on OP's ****
We have all been there

This. And it's incredible

 

[wifehunter]

This. And it's incredible

Sex complicates things. I'm fortunate enough, to have the self-control (thank the Lord) to abstain. They have no sexual power over me, only attraction, which is powerful enough.

 

[Jifto]

I'm thinking of taking a few days off. Cold turkey, NC. I'll try and rationalize how I feel and if I can keep FWB without developing feelings, I'll do that. If she ends it, well it's probably for the best anyway. It sounds like she's off her rocker.

 

[mikey2012]

BPD . Run

 

[wifehunter]

I'm thinking of taking a few days off. Cold turkey, NC. I'll try and rationalize how I feel and if I can keep FWB without developing feelings, I'll do that. If she ends it, well it's probably for the best anyway. It sounds like she's off her rocker.

Yes, get some perspective...her tractor beam is pulling you in han solo!

 

[Skyline]

If you haven't been hooking up with her, would you still feel the same? She's using sex as a weapon in my eyes.

 

[Initiatedindenial]

Why are you letting her take all the decisions? All I hear is "if she decides this, then she decided that". Have some fiber and go NC and if she comes back just tell her that you are done. Trust me this girl is only going to destroy you, you obviously are not able to handle her (No offense, I've been there myself)

 

[Konada]

Lost? You won. Anytime a woman disqualifies herself from your life its one less problem you have to deal with.
Sometimes I wonder what makes a pvssy so special that one has to put up with mental disorders.

 

[stovepipe]

She 100% has some kind of personality disorder. Did she love bomb you with lots of sex and tell you how amazing you are?

Men who end so twisted after just a short amount of time is probably due to her being BPD or HPD.

I'd recommended never talking to her again and deleting every way she can contact you. Trust me when I say the pain will only get worse if you continue talking to her.

She did you a favor, as you will only be more screwed up in the head the longer you stay.

 

[Jifto]

Gents,

I can't tell you how much I appreciate the feedback in this thread. I was depressed not over losing her (I came to terms that this wasn't a long term thing a few days ago) but more confused about what happened and what I did wrong.

I had no idea about cluster b, but I spent about an hour reading about it and, needless to say, she fits the mold. To a T. My eyes are open now.

I have done / did nothing wrong, this is all her. It's not personal, it's just her subconscious. It must be hell inside her brain.

I'm not going NC, I'm just not feeding into it and keeping it friendly. If it starts bothering me again I'll NC. Mostly I just feel bad for her and relieved.

On to the next adventure!