Hey all,
I seem to be lost on the path from AFC to Alpha. This is my first post, so I'll give a brief background.
I'm 22 years old, never had a girlfriend, never kissed, hugged, held hands, let alone sex. I've always wanted to have one but I've been shackled with insecurity about my looks (even though I'm half-way attractive) and personality (even though I can easily talk to guys and older women) the typical AFC thing. For anyone who has read the about the 4 temperemants I'm a Perfect Melancholy. I pretty much read to much into things, and generally dwell on the negatives.
However a few months ago I attended a wedding (in another country) and was seated next to this insanely hot girl, a few years younger than me. When I first realised I was going to have to sit next to her I was completely freaking out. I managed to introduce myself but was then lost for words. So about a minute or two of awkard silence occured.
Then all of a sudden she started talking to me, asking what I do for a job, how old I am, do I have a girlfriend. At the same time she's touching my arm, and playfully hitting me when I manage some really dorky jokes.
Anyway a short time later she asks me to dance (which I've never done in my life) and I refused. Yet, she persisted and a bit late in the evening she pulls me onto the dance floor and I struggle to move my body for about 15 minutes. I then slip away so she can dance with her sister.
Finally at the end of the event she comes up and ask's me for my MSN and mobile number. Now I had been in a bit of a dull mood at the start, but what this girl was doing was amazing. Here I am, a person who for 22 yrs had thought no girl would be interested in him, and I've got an easy 8 or 9 taking an interest in me.
So a few days later and I'm back in my home country and into the daily grind. However what happened at the wedding has shattered my conceptions of what women think of me. For the next month or so, I'm in a perpetual good mood. I'm going into work happier and more motivated - which resulted in a promotion shortly after. I had no interest in porn for weeks and I've got this absolute feeling in my mind that my life in terms of sexual relationships is going to change for the better.
-----
Fast forward to 2 months later and it's all wearing off. I'm still spending my weekends and evenings at home, I've started to be a bit grumpier at work, and the my old trait of over-analysing has come back (where as after returning from the wedding I was making decisions straight away and being 100% confident in them).
So I hit the net and start searching for dating advice. The path of google searches leads me to a concept of 'love shyness' which leads to some e-books, then eventually to SoSuave.
I read the literal vault of tips and articles posted hear for close to a month and a half. Each article pumps me up and motivates me to do this. However I usually only get time to read the site in the evening, so during the day it's back to old AFC me.
Occasionally I remember to put into practice some of the tips. I smiled to a girl as I walked passed her and received one in return. I asked a sales-assistant chick how her day was and manage a 3 minute conversation instead of just ordering. I'm sure these seem tiny and insignificant to a lot of you, but to me they make my entire day good! I feel awesome just to have a girl genuinely smile at me.
So now all my buddies (male) are noticing what a good mood I'm in start trying to get me to go out - until this point in my life I've never been to a bar or club. So I take risk (which is how I perceive it) and go out. But I walk in and it's a foreign world. Here's all these people happy and talking, and I don't know what to do. I revert back to AFC can become moody.
I can see two types of people. The old AFC me, and the new Alpha me. I want to become the Alpha me but my body wants to default to AFC. How can I do this?
It's like I need this injection of confidence to bring out the Alpha personality - and it only works in certain situations. When I'm around my parents and brother, I can't act the way I want because I'm feeling like they're judging me. Even though I know they're probably not, and if they were, I shouldn't care - I just can't shake it. It's as if the Alpha me is just a mask I can manage to put on sometimes when try hard to do it.
At the moment I can only manage a few lines of conversation then I move on. It's only later that I realise things I could have talked about.
How can I mould myself so that the Alpha me is the default state, is it even possible? What can I do to generate inner-confidence, rather than rely on inspirational text?
I'm thinking that moving out of home might help - but it seems like it's moving away from the problem rather than fixing it.
Any advice would be most welcome. Please let me know if you need clarification.
I seem to be lost on the path from AFC to Alpha. This is my first post, so I'll give a brief background.
I'm 22 years old, never had a girlfriend, never kissed, hugged, held hands, let alone sex. I've always wanted to have one but I've been shackled with insecurity about my looks (even though I'm half-way attractive) and personality (even though I can easily talk to guys and older women) the typical AFC thing. For anyone who has read the about the 4 temperemants I'm a Perfect Melancholy. I pretty much read to much into things, and generally dwell on the negatives.
However a few months ago I attended a wedding (in another country) and was seated next to this insanely hot girl, a few years younger than me. When I first realised I was going to have to sit next to her I was completely freaking out. I managed to introduce myself but was then lost for words. So about a minute or two of awkard silence occured.
Then all of a sudden she started talking to me, asking what I do for a job, how old I am, do I have a girlfriend. At the same time she's touching my arm, and playfully hitting me when I manage some really dorky jokes.
Anyway a short time later she asks me to dance (which I've never done in my life) and I refused. Yet, she persisted and a bit late in the evening she pulls me onto the dance floor and I struggle to move my body for about 15 minutes. I then slip away so she can dance with her sister.
Finally at the end of the event she comes up and ask's me for my MSN and mobile number. Now I had been in a bit of a dull mood at the start, but what this girl was doing was amazing. Here I am, a person who for 22 yrs had thought no girl would be interested in him, and I've got an easy 8 or 9 taking an interest in me.
So a few days later and I'm back in my home country and into the daily grind. However what happened at the wedding has shattered my conceptions of what women think of me. For the next month or so, I'm in a perpetual good mood. I'm going into work happier and more motivated - which resulted in a promotion shortly after. I had no interest in porn for weeks and I've got this absolute feeling in my mind that my life in terms of sexual relationships is going to change for the better.
-----
Fast forward to 2 months later and it's all wearing off. I'm still spending my weekends and evenings at home, I've started to be a bit grumpier at work, and the my old trait of over-analysing has come back (where as after returning from the wedding I was making decisions straight away and being 100% confident in them).
So I hit the net and start searching for dating advice. The path of google searches leads me to a concept of 'love shyness' which leads to some e-books, then eventually to SoSuave.
I read the literal vault of tips and articles posted hear for close to a month and a half. Each article pumps me up and motivates me to do this. However I usually only get time to read the site in the evening, so during the day it's back to old AFC me.
Occasionally I remember to put into practice some of the tips. I smiled to a girl as I walked passed her and received one in return. I asked a sales-assistant chick how her day was and manage a 3 minute conversation instead of just ordering. I'm sure these seem tiny and insignificant to a lot of you, but to me they make my entire day good! I feel awesome just to have a girl genuinely smile at me.
So now all my buddies (male) are noticing what a good mood I'm in start trying to get me to go out - until this point in my life I've never been to a bar or club. So I take risk (which is how I perceive it) and go out. But I walk in and it's a foreign world. Here's all these people happy and talking, and I don't know what to do. I revert back to AFC can become moody.
I can see two types of people. The old AFC me, and the new Alpha me. I want to become the Alpha me but my body wants to default to AFC. How can I do this?
It's like I need this injection of confidence to bring out the Alpha personality - and it only works in certain situations. When I'm around my parents and brother, I can't act the way I want because I'm feeling like they're judging me. Even though I know they're probably not, and if they were, I shouldn't care - I just can't shake it. It's as if the Alpha me is just a mask I can manage to put on sometimes when try hard to do it.
At the moment I can only manage a few lines of conversation then I move on. It's only later that I realise things I could have talked about.
How can I mould myself so that the Alpha me is the default state, is it even possible? What can I do to generate inner-confidence, rather than rely on inspirational text?
I'm thinking that moving out of home might help - but it seems like it's moving away from the problem rather than fixing it.
Any advice would be most welcome. Please let me know if you need clarification.