Lost a girl in a strange way...

[KillingTime]

Well I was deep into a serious relationship and it backfired on me in a way I never expected.
Things were perfect, she showed TONS of interest all the time etc. we were ready to settle down
Unfortunately her parents were extremely controlling and IMO have her very brainwashed, I knew they had never liked me but apparantly they told her she had to leave me (we are 23!) and to my complete shock she went along with it.... in tears she told me she couldn't be with me anymore.

i am in shock and totally heartbroken... I knew her parents were going to cause problems but I didn't think it would go this far and i didn't think they had her THIS brainwashed at this age.

I was also at a complete loss as to how to react, I mean if a girl cheats on you then you just ditch her. But she flat out told me she wants to be with me... I mean she literally sounds so unhappy the way her parents are controlling her but she is scared to death of them.

What's my role in this situation? We had a great relationship and the hard part is that I know when I'm being lied to, and this girl isn't lying... I know she still wants the relationship but her parents are in total control (and she lives at home so its even worse, she cant go out with friends or anything, she is miserable but won't fight back)
Has anyone here ever dealt with psycho parents? I kind of hate to walk away from this one, she always showed a ton of interest and treated me like a king... i know it's her parents making this decision.

 

[Jay Jay]

I feel your pain.

Many years ago I went out with a girl of different cultural background to me. In their culture family was the strongest and most important thing in life. They wanted her to be with "her own kind" (as if we are all not human!).

She fought them for 2 years. The poor girl was torn in half. Eventually she left me (tears in her eyes too).

Do you know why her parents object to you? Maybe the two of you can talk to them and get them to realise that its her life and that she loves you.

Anyway, in my experience some girls put their family first. If thats the case the only thing you can do is dry your eyes and get on with life.

Good luck

JJ

 

[LongDrinkofWater]

Crazy stuff there, no doubt about it, but what I am reading into your post is that all is not lost. What you just became in the eyes of this girl is the Guy She Can't Have, thanks to her parents. This can definitely work in your favor if it hasn't already. Seems to me the parents want to keep Their Little Girl around for as long as possible and don't see that they are denying her a life.

If the two of you are still seeing each other despite the parents, maybe you can get inside her head a little and encourage her towards more independence in one way or another....

 

[Chosen1]

I'm sorry killing time and jay jay those are really sad stories. Almost made me cry. I never cry but when you guys said tears in their eyes that moved me. My only advice is try to move on. I know you don't want to hear it but if a girl doesn't live life the way she wants it then forget her is what I say. Finding someone perfect for you is hard to do if you feel you must you better fight like hell to get her back

 

[KillingTime]

To my knowledge it's not so much that her parents don't like me personally (we are the same race), they are just the type that THEY want to be the ones that pick who she marries and they are huge snobs, I don't think they will settle for less than a brain surgeon (even though they themselves aren't doctors or even that rich, funny). They have the biggest control issues i've ever seen.
I dress clean, wear nice clothes and speak well, I'm in great shape, Ive got a degree (working on grad school now) and a really bright financial future, I'm talkative and confident, not to sound ****y b/c im not perfect but they are getting a pretty damn good package.

Some of her other relatives actually seemed in favor of me, one of them talked to the parents once and asked them why they didn't like me... from what I know they couldn't say anything, they couldn't come up with a single reason they just said "well i dont know, he's just not for her"... those are the most stubborn people I've ever met, the other relatives pretty much gave up.
I had her very, very close to standing up to the parentals but apparantly she just couldn't do it, she's scared sh*tless of them.

I sent her on her way wishing her luck and telling her that I was going to go on with my life, I left the door somewhat open by telling her if she's truly willing to change her life and im still available she can give me a call.
Frankly, I know if given the chance I could put her parents in their place like THAT, without yelling or acting like an ass or anything, someone needs to stand up to them... unfortunately that's not my problem and she has to be the one to do it, til then I guess we'll see

 

[Jay Jay]

KillingTime: Sounds to me that not alls lost. In fact it sounds to me like you might need to take control of the situation and dominate your girl for her own good. You know what? **** her parents. As you say someone needs to put em straight. If you want that girl take her!


Chosen1: LOL clearly you are a sentimental man

 

[KillingTime]

yea i did toy around with that idea. Man if I could just verbally rip them apart I would but gotta hold back lol. One f-bomb and then im really screwed.
I'm gonna see what happens this week, i already told her i could get her out of that situation if she just follows my lead, if she gathers the courage and calls me back then it's on, if not so long, it will be hard over the holidays b/c im all heartbroken but oh well.
thing is i need her to at least somewhat have my back, its pointless if i put them in their place but she takes their side out of fear. it's sad to see someone of her age being controlled like a puppet.

 

[Raikojo17]

dude, she's like freakin 23 years old. y is she still listening to her parents like a high-school freshman? Dont jus give up and walk away, because then her parents will truley see that u r not for her, because ur not persistant. y not confront her parents and ask them y they dont like u? get to kno them abit, make a connection, maybe then they wont be so quick to judge you

 

[jamescr73]

time for you guys to get a place of your own, and show them whats up. She should of been out on her own long ago. Shes an adult. Adults make decisions on their own.

 

[ScrewIt]

yea it sucks. Most women do look for their parents approval, or at least if the girl thinks the parents will approve she'll bring him home. And if she's afraid of their disapproval, likely you'll never meet her parents.

 

[jamescr73]

actually that could go both ways, cause some girls will want the guy more if the parents dont like him. Its a rebellion thing. Girls want what they cant have. Its also a challenge, and a risk.

 

[Chosen1]

I must be getting soft. I like jamescr73 statement. That worked on my sister the more we told her how bad a guy was the more she wanted him. All is not lost my friend hang in there.