Losing patience

[bacchus]

So here's my dating situation... I was in a long term relationship (almost 7 years, we were living together) which I ended almost exactly one year ago. I ended it mainly because I was feeling restless and frankly thought I could do better. Nowadays I'm not so sure. My ex was an HB7.5 and a pretty decent girl. Post-breakup, I spent last summer sulking/fvcking the occasional HB6, gained some weight from all the beer I was drinking, and then started hitting the gym and got my shyt back together. In November I started dating a legit HB9 (and she was a 9 despite being 34 years old. She used to be a legit HB10, did underwear modelling, tv shows and dated a prominent professional athlete). That ended badly after I broke up with her about 3 months in (which I posted about on here earlier and some of you guys suspected that she had a personality disorder).

Since then, these have been a few of my experiences:

- I dated another girl (HB7.5) and on the third date, after we were naked in her bed and hadn't had sex yet, she said "you make me uncomfortable... and not in a good way" as I was on top of her. This after we have already built a lot of rapport and I was anything but creepy with her. I got up, left and stopped contacting her.

- I started seeing an HB8 and things were going great until she went back to her ex.

And then now, I have been seeing an HB8 long distance (2 hours away), texting all the time, and have incredible report. I almost could see myself falling for her. I am relocating to her city in a couple months for work (coincidentally, has nothing to do with her and was in the works before I met her) as well. We have not had an exclusivity talk and I suspect she is seeing other men. Anyway, I find that as things move towards something more serious she is backing off. Also, she was supposed to come to my city to visit next weekend, but texted me with an excuse and said she feels really bad and really wanted to come. She didn't offer a counter-proposal to come visit. My gut tells me I am losing this one and I am usually right when I trust it. We have mutual friends who set us up so I think she'd be very hesitant to just cut things off or be up front if she's losing interest.

Anyway, I am becoming pretty fvkcing fed up with dating. I am a good guy with my **** together, I'm in good physical shape, 32 years old, have a good job, no baggage, own my house, and am probably an 8 or so on the looks scale. Why does it have to be so difficult to get a girlfriend these days??? I find it's fairly easy to get dates and even date girls for awhile, but it always seems to unravel after awhile. I know a lot of you will tell me to just spin more plates and enjoy the single life and I get that, but I really just want a girl to settle down with. I don't have the time or energy for this crap and I find dating just leaves me feeling pissed off and frustrated all the time.

Anyone else feeling this way???

 

[plate's_empty]

Yes, I've been fed up as well, that's why I'm here on this site. Learning new **** every day. But let me take a crack at this one.....

I believe the proper advice would be to: Spin Plates.

 

[muscleman]

With this current girl you're seeing, are you fvcking her? I assume yes.

Anyway, the main reason it's hard for you to get a girlfriend is because you see it as a goal and it's more important to you than her. Cue RT's Cardinal Rule of Relationships: in any relationship the person who needs the other less has more power.

Point is, WOMEN are programmed to want the relationships. MEN are programmed to fvck a bunch of hotties and maybe succumb to a woman they find worthy enough after much debate.

All that exclusivity, love, etc stuff has to come from her if you want to have a healthy relationship. Right now it's the other way around and it's coming out of your pores. Commit this to memory, it'll serve you well: http://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/

You've banged a few bona fide hotties since your loooong term ex, so you're already good. Why you worried?

You may be a 'good guy', now time to be a better guy. If you really have your sh!t together (and btw having a house, decent paying job at 32, and no baggage is pretty much expected, it's nothing extraordinary), maybe your mindset needs some adjustment. Sounds like you're still making them out to be the prize in a way.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Solid, muscleman. Tried to rep you.

 

[AmIAFC]

With this current girl you're seeing, are you fvcking her? I assume yes.

Anyway, the main reason it's hard for you to get a girlfriend is because you see it as a goal and it's more important to you than her. Cue RT's Cardinal Rule of Relationships: in any relationship the person who needs the other less has more power.

Point is, WOMEN are programmed to want the relationships. MEN are programmed to fvck a bunch of hotties and maybe succumb to a woman they find worthy enough after much debate.

All that exclusivity, love, etc stuff has to come from her if you want to have a healthy relationship. Right now it's the other way around and it's coming out of your pores. Commit this to memory, it'll serve you well: http://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/

You've banged a few bona fide hotties since your loooong term ex, so you're already good. Why you worried?

You may be a 'good guy', now time to be a better guy. If you really have your sh!t together (and btw having a house, decent paying job at 32, and no baggage is pretty much expected, it's nothing extraordinary), maybe your mindset needs some adjustment. Sounds like you're still making them out to be the prize in a way.

Depends on location, really. For example, I don't know too many people in their early 30s in New York City who own their own house.

 

[expos]

Depends on location, really. For example, I don't know too many people in their early 30s in New York City who own their own house.

Owned a home for three years while I was married - it was a beautiful brand new suburban home. Loved it. But it was only really useful if we had children (we didn't), as I think it really gives a child a sense of pride and confidence to come home to.

Now that I'm single, renting is really where it's at. I like that fact that I can get up and go at anytime. I have hardly any possessions. With renting I have no yard work, snow removal, or things breaking to worry about.

I've never had single woman look down at me for renting. I think they are more concerned with how much you actually make per year than your living situation...it's all about the potential they see in you.

 

[vatoloco]

So here's my dating situation... I was in a long term relationship (almost 7 years, we were living together) which I ended almost exactly one year ago. I ended it mainly because I was feeling restless and frankly thought I could do better. Nowadays I'm not so sure.

This might be an important lesson. I don't know the details of who, what, when, etc. but, sometimes, if you have something really good [and I mean, good], you need to cherish it. Sure, we advocate spinning plates but, it is also important to realize when we have something good and we need to do "preventive maintenance" on it...

"Of course, once you have your bike, maintenance is key. You can have the most beautiful ride but if you don't maintain it properly, it will eventually break down and will cause you [financial] pain trying to hold onto it. And sometimes, if the neglect or handling is bad enough, bikes become unfixable and must be scrapped, meaning that tons of time, money and effort just went down the toilet."

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1870333&postcount=122

Something else is the length of the relationship. Seven years is a long time. Did something radically change from the beginning? What was it about her that you didn't keep diggin'?

Anyway, I find that as things move towards something more serious she is backing off. Also, she was supposed to come to my city to visit next weekend, but texted me with an excuse and said she feels really bad and really wanted to come. She didn't offer a counter-proposal to come visit. My gut tells me I am losing this one and I am usually right when I trust it. We have mutual friends who set us up so I think she'd be very hesitant to just cut things off or be up front if she's losing interest.

IDK... maybe you're putting off a "coming on too heavy" vibe? Dating should be about having fun with someone, while getting to know them better. If you have the goal of entering a LTR "no matter what" in your mind all the time, you will come off heavy and desperate...

Anyway, I am becoming pretty fvkcing fed up with dating. I am a good guy with my **** together, I'm in good physical shape, 32 years old, have a good job, no baggage, own my house, and am probably an 8 or so on the looks scale. Why does it have to be so difficult to get a girlfriend these days??? I find it's fairly easy to get dates and even date girls for awhile, but it always seems to unravel after awhile. I know a lot of you will tell me to just spin more plates and enjoy the single life and I get that, but I really just want a girl to settle down with. I don't have the time or energy for this crap and I find dating just leaves me feeling pissed off and frustrated all the time.

I've always said that "el que se enoja, pierde" (he who angers, loses). If you're getting angry about something means that "you're doing it wrong" and/or you're caring too much about the outcome.

Anyone else feeling this way???

I kind of went through a similar phase when I was younger.

"Once I came to the realization that getting angry was just a big waste of time, I let go of my hate and anger..."

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1885875&postcount=12


"Ultimately, I think the majority of us want a companion (especially if we want kids). Not only to fuck, but to share other aspects of Life. Sure, one could go at it alone in this adventure called Life but it sure is more fun when you're travelling with someone you fuck, eat, play and laugh with. But it is when you're complete by yourself that you can have the best relationship with a woman... by not needing her. The Great Irony of Life."

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1884767&postcount=126

My advice to you? Go younger and avoid the wrong.

 

[plate's_empty]

And then now, I have been seeing an HB8 long distance (2 hours away), texting all the time, and have incredible report. I almost could see myself falling for her.

Sounds to me like he's focusing all of his energy on one woman at a time. And when she backs up a little he starts freak out. I've been there plenty of times. You try to play it cool but usually end up screwing it up.

That's why I was thinking.....spin some plates man.