Losing my center again, need advice on how to get back on track

[teddy]

Was doing really well for several months, my confidence was at an all-time high, and my happiness was through the roof.

Recently, however, the old insecurities have returned: oneitis, jealousy, feelings of worthlessness.

This has coincided with being introduced to a HB that is almost a replica of the women I've failed with in the past and yet to whom I'm extremely attracted to. Now I'm getting oneitis for her (we haven't even been on a date!) and it's bringing out all those ugly things again. Getting jealous seeing her talking with other guys, basing how I feel on stupid unsubstantial small things like if she smiles or not, trying too hard to interact/converse with her/make her laugh, all that AFC crap.

It's impossible to avoid her for now.

How do fend this off and regain my hold again? It's like I need to convince myself that it's okay to choose NOT to pursue her. I feel like I have to pursue her. And once I get that feeling, it's AFC-ville.

 

[Night-hawk]

"...a replica of the woman I've failed with in the past".

You're pedestalizing her by the pressure you're putting on yourself, because she is a reflection of unresolved feelings of inadequacy and potential repeated failure. Step back from her until you regain your sense of value.

 

[DragonBlood]

Bang on Hawk obvious pedestalizing and lack of options to maintian perspective.

teddy you are NOT that person anymore and you know it. You are just talking from a place lacking experience to reinforce your new life style. Already though you are completely different in your post. You are SELF AWARE of your emotions thats a huge step forward. Most people never take the time to question the motives behind their actions. Even if you mess this one up you will learn a lot from it and about yourself compared to before.

Also, if this girl is hooking you on NEGATIVE emotions and pulls out your weakness, why do you want her anyway? Are you a druggie? or DJ? Take a break, gain more experience and return to this from a place of strength. More than likely you will be less enthused and confused as to why you were so 'into her' in the first place.

 

[apprenticedj]

These guys are spot on Teddy. You need to step back from this one and get down to the basics.

You clearly understand what needs to happen, now make it so.

 

[gov87]

Proud of ya man! This is huge that you're in the middle of it and being self aware that you need to take action. I think you should follow what the other guys have already suggested- taking a step back and getting back to the perspective you know you should have.

As an example of my own that may help you at this time, I realized this in my last relationship with the girl that I needed to get myself together. However, I started thinking "but what if i lose her and she was the best thing I'd have". You prob aren't that extreme bc you've progressed so much BUT be careful bc if you don't make a move now that's in YOUR best interest, you could start seeing that negative side of yourself.

I also love what the one poster said about being with someone that brings out the negative in you- I really want you to think about this no matter how great or good looking this chick is. My last ex wasn't a sexual girl and I stayed with her and it brought out the worst in me- I'm talking deep rooted things which I'm thankful for now but will never go back again.

Remember, YOU are the man and YOU are in control. Wish ya the best, my friend!

 

[teddy]

Great advice guys and really appreciate the encouragement. That's why it's nice to come back here and post when I slip a bit; I know you guys will give me a proper perspective on things. I already feel a lot better. Now it's just putting it in practice.