Hey DJs, this is my first time posting here but im going to skip the intro because honestly no one really cares that much about that and neither do I. I came here for some advice, Ive been dating a girl for 2 months now and everything has been perfect. She seemed a bit overcommiting (i.e. talking about wanting to be with me forever, getting married, moving in together after next year) and on top of that, I know I'm not supposed to, but we have been using the "L" word since we have been dating. About 4 days ago she went to a College party without me because I had class, when she came back she seemed a bit aggitated with me, that night I spent the night at her place and for a while everything seemed fine but the next morning she it kept looking like she was trying to get rid of me, repeatedly asking if I wanted to go home and get some more sleep, and things of that nature. We have a bit of a semi-long distance relationship so I only get to see her about 4 days out of the week, which is kind of nice, but we also work together. To cut to the chase, I asked whats going on, and after finally interrogating her for half an hour she told me that she didnt feel how she used to but she didnt want to give up on us, that she had been feeling smothered lately, and isnt able to be who she wants to be, feels guilty when she hangs out with her friends without me, and feels ilke I have been smothering her. I was really taken aback by all of this, seeing as how she was so overcommitive just a week before. Now things between me and her are in hiatus, and I wont see her till tomorrow. Instead of hanging out with her after work I just chilled with my buddies and didnt talk to her at all till the next day at work when she acted like everything was fine. I definitly need some advice, I really do want to be with this girl, and I would appreciate whatever advice you could give. BTW, incase it helps, Im 17, turning 18 in a week, meaning im a Senior in HS, but she is a Freshman in College, so whatever you guys can do to help would be greatly appreciated, Thanks.
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Looking for some quick advice
- Thread starter Zerocrash
- Start date
fragmentor
Senior Don Juan
Who wants to handle this one?
I don't have time atm, but all i'll say is that you've been around her too much basically. Flirt with other women, don't call her for a week, wait for her to call you, be the man, don't act clingy etc.
Someone analyse and explain it better for this dude.
I don't have time atm, but all i'll say is that you've been around her too much basically. Flirt with other women, don't call her for a week, wait for her to call you, be the man, don't act clingy etc.
Someone analyse and explain it better for this dude.
jmm854
Master Don Juan
*cracks knuckles*
I will.
Welcome.
Bingo.
That's cute.
You've been together for a fat 2 months and you're bringing up marraige? Congratulations, you f*cked this one up good. You said she seemed overcommitting? That's fine, that just shows she has a high interest level in you. BUT YOU DON'T RECIPROCATE. She says she loves you, you say 'I know'. She says she wants to get married, you say 'to who?' Every possible commitment is really a test. You've flunked all of them sucessfully. Long term relationships involve these types of discussions, and I hate to break it to you, but 2 months isn't long term.
It sounds to me as if you've turned into the classic nice guy and have lost all challenge from her perspective. She went to a college party, met some new people, and had a good time. I'm not really sure if there's a sure fire way to save this sinking ship. Back off for awhile, as someone else said, and then make her earn your attention and affection. I think this thing's headed nowhere fast...write it off as a learning experience and NEXT, onto the next girl.
Cheatz
Senior Don Juan
Re: more advice
Don't wanna be nosey or anything but you could at least have the courtesy to thank jimm854 for his post. As he did find his time to give advice to you.
actually
actually i was planning on thanking him when it works, and atm it seems to be working, the "i know" thing seemed to really catch her off guard, thank you jim, but i would also like to thank fragmentor because ive been doing what he has said and it seems to be working really well, now she is the one always calling me and telling me she misses me and im the one that is alway busy, so a special thanks to fragmentor.
actually i was planning on thanking him when it works, and atm it seems to be working, the "i know" thing seemed to really catch her off guard, thank you jim, but i would also like to thank fragmentor because ive been doing what he has said and it seems to be working really well, now she is the one always calling me and telling me she misses me and im the one that is alway busy, so a special thanks to fragmentor.