looking for advice/direction/guidance

[Rounder]

33 and getting divorced - should be final in the next couple of weeks. I posted earlier this year about my situation.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=142547


I am still seeing the 24 year old. We have not labeled ourselves "exclusive" but she stays at my house 4 to 5 nights a week usually. The sex is incredible - she loves to experiment, cool with porn, etc. She is fun to hang out with and we have a good time together.


I work in a government building. A girl in another office has shown interest in me and I am interested as well. She dresses nice but conservatively. We've talked and emailed each other a couple of times. Not much more than casual conversation. Her body language screams interest and it kills me not to walk by her office 10 times a day - I don't do that but want to. I can cash checks in her office as an excuse to see her as well.

So - do I need my ass kicked? Am I a dumbass? Do I need to be straightened out here? Why am I so eager to see this girl in my building?

I'm just looking for some direction.

 

[eyedea40]

33 and getting divorced - should be final in the next couple of weeks. I posted earlier this year about my situation.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=142547


I am still seeing the 24 year old. We have not labeled ourselves "exclusive" but she stays at my house 4 to 5 nights a week usually. The sex is incredible - she loves to experiment, cool with porn, etc. She is fun to hang out with and we have a good time together.


I work in a government building. A girl in another office has shown interest in me and I am interested as well. She dresses nice but conservatively. We've talked and emailed each other a couple of times. Not much more than casual conversation. Her body language screams interest and it kills me not to walk by her office 10 times a day - I don't do that but want to. I can cash checks in her office as an excuse to see her as well.

So - do I need my ass kicked? Am I a dumbass? Do I need to be straightened out here? Why am I so eager to see this girl in my building?

I'm just looking for some direction.

I see a few things here, one if you want to get with other women by all means do so. You are not "exclusive" but in the same sense women are funny like that, she does spend a lot of time at your house as if you were b.f/g.f. I am firm believer in don’t $hit where you eat, I won't hook up with office coworkers cause it could lead to problems at the work place. It happened once and it was a good life lesson. You are just feeling “the call of the wild” very common amongst us men.

 

[Bible_Belt]

We have not labeled ourselves "exclusive" but she stays at my house 4 to 5 nights a week usually.


I bet she thinks you are exclusive. How is she going to react when she sees another woman's stray hairs on your pillow? She'll probably go bang some other guy to get back at you, and how would you feel about that? These are things you and her need to have a mutual understanding about, whatever that understanding is.

 

[Rounder]

We have not labeled ourselves "exclusive" but she stays at my house 4 to 5 nights a week usually.


I bet she thinks you are exclusive. How is she going to react when she sees another woman's stray hairs on your pillow? She'll probably go bang some other guy to get back at you, and how would you feel about that? These are things you and her need to have a mutual understanding about, whatever that understanding is.

To clarify - I have told the 24 y/o that I do not want to be exclusive. We do act like bf/gf and that may confuse her. I would not be crushed if she was out of my life. I have told her there are times I may want my "space" and at times I've asked her to go home for a night or 2.

I want to keep the 24 y/o on my **** and still explore some other options as they become available.

@eyedea40 - to clarify - the woman in my building is not in my "office". She works for another office and I actually rarely see her unless I make a point of it.

 

[window]

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush...

 

[poster_guy03]

You asked for it.......

....We have not labeled ourselves "exclusive" but she stays at my house 4 to 5 nights a week usually. The sex is incredible - she loves to experiment, cool with porn, etc. She is fun to hang out with and we have a good time together.....

.....So - do I need my ass kicked? Am I a dumbass? Do I need to be straightened out here?.....

You really need to read more threads here.

You may not have labeled it so but you're sure as hell acting exclusive. If you'll recall we always say about chicks that you can tell by their behavior, not their words. To make matters worse if she's staying at your house so often you have little time to develop your own outside interests (hobbies, etc.), let alone spin plates and reduce your scarcity mentality.

Sure looks to my like you're still as needy as you were in your last marriage and she is more than happy to meet that need.

IMHO you need to break out of the serial one-itis (serial monogamy) and engage in some serious self development for a while. After that, start seeing multiple women concurrently.

It's fine to keep her in the rotation, just get some rotation going on. You'll never do that until you cut it down to one or two nights a week.

Consider that you're ass kicking. Your the one who'll have to straighten yourself out. Your not a dumbass, you're just too acculturated to past habits.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Rounder,
Hmmm.....Shes in love,you'r in love with love....look I would be the last to encourage Oneitis,but,but,but....you have a honey here...you have been lucky...A relationship,is like a Meissen Vase,drop it and with skill you might repair it,but it will never be the same...you must appreciate that Women,even little girls,have a remarkable talent for detecting the finest nuance of emotion,go shagging someone else and she will know something is wrong,something is different,so if you do stray,then have a reason for your mood change,crisis at work,anything...Now conducting your new affaire de la coeur will require a little skill,for a start don't take her home,I know it's tempting but you never get that last hair,they leave them everywhere,and even their smell in the shower,and you can't pick that up with sticky tape,then there's the little toiletries they leave behind...it's hard believe me,going to their place is OK,as is long lunches and adjourning proceedings to a Park...though rare is the women who does not want some degree of exclusivity,then as things progress they want more,the spiders web of mutual friends,gets bigger...believe me they will be so sad to spill the beans,and I don't think so...when things go bad,be prepared to lose both....If they become aware of each other,even though it seems OK the little buggers get jealous...Years ago I had a Live in Lover,and a lunch time squash player sweetheart...Came home one evening to a real Shvt fight,my sporting friend had rung my lover up...Asked her to guess where she had been for lunch and who with,she taunted her on the phone....Bvtch...result,lover bailed out and I nexted the other one,the whole campus new what had happened,the Men might laugh,but the Women hate you...My conclusion,the first eighteen months after a break up are bad news for you emotionally,you have found an emotional and sexual crutch,by all means keep your flirting skills honed on other Ladies,but for a while don't take any risks....