What do you do when you go through your girlfriend's txt and find out that she met this dude at a bar and they've been txting back and forth that same night. I already kind a confronted her about it but never told her that I went through her txt. She said she meets interesting people all the time and has no intentions of hooking up with them as she's happy with me and that she wouldn't waste her time being in a relationship with me if she wanted to hook up with other dudes. She also said how her friends and sister think she's naive in the sense that she loves to meet people with the intention of being friends with them and doesn't realize that they want to get into her pants. I don't know if I buy this but I've already lost the momentum as we went through the argument and then we had what you would call a "make up sex" and now she thinks everything is fine. I don't think something is right here as one of her text was to her sister the same night saying "met a really cool J guy". I don't know what that means but doesn't sound very good. I would like to bring back the argument and possibly ending the relationship but at the same time, I don't want to ruin a perfect relationship if she's actually telling the truth. Thanks in advance for your responses
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Looked at girlfriend's txt
- Thread starter Efes
- Start date
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Ken785
Master Don Juan
Shes cheating behind your back dude. Ditch the wh0re.
Mr.Speed
Don Juan
i think she is cheating too, at least she wants to keep him "safe",to change smoothley,if she is intending to dump you.
SouthernGal
Don Juan
We only get 10 replies in a day so I am choosing carefully.
She may not be cheating yet, but she is shopping. I know-I've done it. I never did cheat, but I was shopping. I shopped bc of the excitement of being pursued again. If I could have brought myself to cheat, I would have.
I was in a relationship 4 years and the flame was gone. I felt like I was married for 50 years. I gave to him, made him feel manly, but nothing from him. He was "comfortable".
I guess the real question is why were you looking through her phone in the first place? I'm not saying that was wrong, I'm saying you had to suspect something that made you look.
Is this girl worth keeping? If so, try to "woo" her. If not, go woo someone who will appreciate it.
She may not be cheating yet, but she is shopping. I know-I've done it. I never did cheat, but I was shopping. I shopped bc of the excitement of being pursued again. If I could have brought myself to cheat, I would have.
I was in a relationship 4 years and the flame was gone. I felt like I was married for 50 years. I gave to him, made him feel manly, but nothing from him. He was "comfortable".
I guess the real question is why were you looking through her phone in the first place? I'm not saying that was wrong, I'm saying you had to suspect something that made you look.
Is this girl worth keeping? If so, try to "woo" her. If not, go woo someone who will appreciate it.
Thanks for your reply southerngal. I think you're right that she likes the attention and she may have been shopping subconciously. But even that's enough for me. What's interesting to me is that we have been together only for 5 months and we have an amazing flame. Everything so far has been amazing. In a way, it doesn't make sense why she would do what she did. But something is obviously up and I'm not going to cry about it and make a big deal. I'm a great guy and I know that about myself. I just e-mailed her saying I did read her txt and I'm sorry about that but I needed to know for my own sake as something didn't look right. At least, I came clean for my own sake and that's what's important to me.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
You want to be with women that you can trust. You want to be free from worry and doubt.
Create Value
Even if you don't trust a woman, you should change your thoughts of her and not give a damn. If she's messing around or not, the whole dynamics will change. Right now you care too much. You have to care less than she does, and as soon as that happens she'll find value in you.
What are You Selling?
So, what is she buying here? What is it that your selling? It looks like your selling a Yugo when you should be selling an Mercedes SLK350. You are the prize to be had, and you better start acting like it.
2 Options
1. Drop kick her through the goalposts of goodbye.
2. Stop caring and do your thing. When she asks what's going on, just tell her that you're not sure you're interested anymore.
1 Other Option You Must Not Do
Care more than her! If you do, you are rewarding her for bad behavior. You must live your life as though you are the catch and if any woman shows that she doesn't see it your way, get rid of her. Then once you have, she'll more than likely see it your way. They always come back, but only when you stop caring. Only at that point do they realize they've made a mistake.
Create Value
Even if you don't trust a woman, you should change your thoughts of her and not give a damn. If she's messing around or not, the whole dynamics will change. Right now you care too much. You have to care less than she does, and as soon as that happens she'll find value in you.
What are You Selling?
So, what is she buying here? What is it that your selling? It looks like your selling a Yugo when you should be selling an Mercedes SLK350. You are the prize to be had, and you better start acting like it.
2 Options
1. Drop kick her through the goalposts of goodbye.
2. Stop caring and do your thing. When she asks what's going on, just tell her that you're not sure you're interested anymore.
1 Other Option You Must Not Do
Care more than her! If you do, you are rewarding her for bad behavior. You must live your life as though you are the catch and if any woman shows that she doesn't see it your way, get rid of her. Then once you have, she'll more than likely see it your way. They always come back, but only when you stop caring. Only at that point do they realize they've made a mistake.
I bet all the "interesting people" she meets are "cool guys".Efes said:She said she meets interesting people all the time and has no intentions of hooking up with them as she's happy with me and that she wouldn't waste her time being in a relationship with me if she wanted to hook up with other dudes. She also said how her friends and sister think she's naive in the sense that she loves to meet people with the intention of being friends with them and doesn't realize that they want to get into her pants.
I don't think something is right here as one of her text was to her sister the same night saying "met a really cool J guy". I don't know what that means but doesn't sound very good.
Mavrick gave the best advise. Don't worry about it because no matter what happens in your relationship worrying about it is a waste of energy and will only make matters worse for all.
If Southergal is right about her "shopping" around and wanting to be pursued, she is most likely bored with you. Make yourself less available, if she forgets about the guy at the bar and comes crawling back to you, good. If she keeps talking to bar guy then is she really a girl you want?
Social Calibration
Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2008
- Messages
- 112
- Reaction score
- 3
By the looks of it, and Southerngal definitely said it best. She IS shopping. I know girls who have done it before and it's more of an insurance policy than a means to hurt you.
You need to remember this, a decent women will want to trade UP not DOWN. If she's shopping and she finds a guy that takes her on that rollercoaster ride that she craves, and you CAN'T provide (or could care less about) she will cheat. She doesn't mean to hurt you, but a woman likes to feel wanted, emotionally and physically.
It's not about money or anything, it's about interest and desire. Think about it, if you felt your girl wasn't interested in you or just seemed boring as hell, would you cheat?
You have a few choices here and they're all entirely up to you. I think you still have a chance to turn all this around, that's if you think it's really worth it.
Maverick said it right, YOU ARE the prize, but that doesn't mean you step all over here either. Don't be a robot, be realistic and think about what you really want.
You need to remember this, a decent women will want to trade UP not DOWN. If she's shopping and she finds a guy that takes her on that rollercoaster ride that she craves, and you CAN'T provide (or could care less about) she will cheat. She doesn't mean to hurt you, but a woman likes to feel wanted, emotionally and physically.
It's not about money or anything, it's about interest and desire. Think about it, if you felt your girl wasn't interested in you or just seemed boring as hell, would you cheat?
You have a few choices here and they're all entirely up to you. I think you still have a chance to turn all this around, that's if you think it's really worth it.
Maverick said it right, YOU ARE the prize, but that doesn't mean you step all over here either. Don't be a robot, be realistic and think about what you really want.
I.A.F.Y.B.
Master Don Juan
As though it may look bad. It doesn't mean she is actually cheating. Girls will have guy friends whether you like it or not. But, if she is cheating you will know. AskMen.com will tell you signs if their cheating or not.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
I think everyone did a good job of explaining. I had this happen, but I was the guy flirting and the other guy was in your shoes.
He found my number in his girls phone and then sent me a text and told me if I dont stop hitting on her i'd have to deal with him.
She knew this, asked what I said back, and I told her nothing. I wasn't going to txt fight with a guy on the phone.
Anyway, she has been in this relationship for about a year, and we got in this argument about something and she blurted out... guys are emotional, and it takes them a year to say something, and blah blah....
What happened was she got mad at me, but at the same time let out a....i'm pissed at my boyfriend. By her being upset she told me basically "my boyfriend is slipping"
So yes, she is shopping around I think. We haven't done anything, we dont hang out, just see one another at work. I know for a fact she has been trying to look at her options. She told my friend... What does he have that is so much more special that other guys? SHE'S CURIOUS.
I think southern gal said it best as in "he's comfortable"
In my case, the boyfriend I think is just coasting along, and is comfortable, and she's ready to go on a roller-coaster ride, and that's where I come along.
So my advice to YOU, is that you cant just ASSUME that just cause you have been together that everything is fine. People get in this mind-set that if everything is decent, you can just coast day in and day out.
Women will get bored with this. I am going to ask the girl I like what her boyfriend has done for her recently. And I am going to do it as in... what has he done to keep you interested?
I bet you if I ask her if he has done XYZ she will say NO. We dont do much really. He's never FUN. He never Woo's me anymore, or never really woos me like you explained.
She then actually realize this, and she'll be thinking quite a bit about her current situation, and if its worth it anymore.
I feel as if this guy thinks... Since I got the girl, my job here is done.
NOT TRUE. If I do my job well, i'll pick up what he cant get done and give her the roller coaster she wants.
I know we are the prize, but if you are a LAME prize, women will look for one that isn't LAME.
Good luck!
He found my number in his girls phone and then sent me a text and told me if I dont stop hitting on her i'd have to deal with him.
She knew this, asked what I said back, and I told her nothing. I wasn't going to txt fight with a guy on the phone.
Anyway, she has been in this relationship for about a year, and we got in this argument about something and she blurted out... guys are emotional, and it takes them a year to say something, and blah blah....
What happened was she got mad at me, but at the same time let out a....i'm pissed at my boyfriend. By her being upset she told me basically "my boyfriend is slipping"
So yes, she is shopping around I think. We haven't done anything, we dont hang out, just see one another at work. I know for a fact she has been trying to look at her options. She told my friend... What does he have that is so much more special that other guys? SHE'S CURIOUS.
I think southern gal said it best as in "he's comfortable"
In my case, the boyfriend I think is just coasting along, and is comfortable, and she's ready to go on a roller-coaster ride, and that's where I come along.
So my advice to YOU, is that you cant just ASSUME that just cause you have been together that everything is fine. People get in this mind-set that if everything is decent, you can just coast day in and day out.
Women will get bored with this. I am going to ask the girl I like what her boyfriend has done for her recently. And I am going to do it as in... what has he done to keep you interested?
I bet you if I ask her if he has done XYZ she will say NO. We dont do much really. He's never FUN. He never Woo's me anymore, or never really woos me like you explained.
She then actually realize this, and she'll be thinking quite a bit about her current situation, and if its worth it anymore.
I feel as if this guy thinks... Since I got the girl, my job here is done.
NOT TRUE. If I do my job well, i'll pick up what he cant get done and give her the roller coaster she wants.
I know we are the prize, but if you are a LAME prize, women will look for one that isn't LAME.
Good luck!
Thanks for all the great responses. As I said before, I am very comfortable in my shoes and I know I kept it interesting for both of us. So, for her to do what she did makes me realize that it's time to move on. It's not about cheating but it's the intend that counts. I've already e-mailed her about reading her txt and that I was sorry about that but I also let her know that I'm not so stupid that I wouldn't see how she even txts her sister about how she met a cool guy.
It'll be interesting to see what her response will be because my attitude going forward will be indifferent. I'll keep you posted for the sake of social experiment.
It'll be interesting to see what her response will be because my attitude going forward will be indifferent. I'll keep you posted for the sake of social experiment.