Long time lurker, first time poster, looking for help/opinions - LONG.

[JeeperCane]

Hey guys, I've been a long-time reader of this board and pages. I finally decided I wanted to post because I need an opinion on a few topics.

First, let me tell you a bit about myself. I'm 26 (will be 27 on Dec. 30). I work at a multinational vacation company and make a pretty good salary for my age bracket. I also have my MBA. I wouldn't say I'm the greatest looking guy in the world, but I don't have much of a problem getting chicks. I try and workout 4-5 days a week. I'm not arrogant or ****y at all, just more of a realist. I know my limitations as well as what I do well. I live in Miami and went to college here.

I've been down here in Miami for eight years. Over that time, I can honestly say that I've dated some very beautiful and amazing women. I've been able to close chicks at parties, bars, class, work (only once, don't recommend it) and from many backgrounds and ethnic groups. I have always been against marriage and believe that it means far more to love someone and stay with them each and every day because you want to, rather then be binded by a legal contract. However, with my current girl, I've began to soften that stance.

Unfortunately, I've been out of the game for the past 14 months. I met my girlfriend at a bar and, even though I actually left her there that night because I was with another girl at the time, I tracked her down through the internet and we were going strong until just after Thanksgiving.

To make a long story short, I've been getting the same "will you be ready to move in with me when my lease is up?.....do you love me?.....do you love my body?" questions pretty regularly since July. I'm sorta even-keel most of the time and have been slowly getting used to the idea that I might be settling down. My girl is pretty emotional, she gets upset a lot and I've been "dumped" countless times, but never for more then a few hours. It's mostly a temper-tantrum. She's an actress and I guess it goes with dating an artist. Normally, after this happened once, I'd have kicked her to the curve and moved on to someone else, but I was hooked by this one and kept letting things slide. She does have many outstanding qualities however, including her abilities with children, a caring heart which she wear on her sleeve and the fact that she challenges me.

Recently, I got the "I don't feel as though I could ever deserve a man like you" talk. She wants to see other people. She did a literal 180 on me and says there are a lot of things she needs to do before she commits to a serious relationship. I was pretty devastated for a while and couldn't understand why. She and I had a few of those emotional talks that no one wants to admit to having, but it's done. Her friends are mad at her for breaking up with me as well as most of her immediate family. This was a girl who basically was planning our wedding and then lost it. I was starting to come to grips with surrendering the bachelor life and debating ring shopping as well.

Sooo....here I am today. I've been without her for almost 3 sold weeks. I'm doing better and been going out myself a few times just to get my feet we again. Nothing major. A few girls that I've known for sometime have been coming out of the woodwork lately and I've got a few dates lined up for this week. I'm trying to keep my head clear about things nowadays. I see this as a great opportunity to make sure my girl is indeed the one I want. I can explore a few more women and see if there is anything out there that moves me.

I do, however, want to figure out a way to go about things with my now ex-girl. I've been ignoring her calls (she wanted a pair of shoes back to wear to a wedding, I dropped them off at her place on my lunch break, but ignored two calls to thank me. I just can't seem to put a cogent sentence together when I'm on the phone with her because I do miss her a lot) this weekend. I'm pretty embarrassed at how upset I got when things first fell apart. I did most of the "I don't understand" bull that I know better then doing.

1). What exactly should I do now in regards to the ex? I'm trying to give space and let her see what things are like without me in any way, shape, or form.

2). What should I do in regards to moving on to something new? Basically, most of my friends are married or locked down, so I'm going to be going out alone for a bit. I'm pretty confident in a bar alone, but I also have very little experience. I don't want to be "that guy" at the bar who is there alone for an excessively long time. How long should a stay alone last? If I attempt to engage a few girls and fail, should I move on to the next bar before I look like that guy who won't go away? How do girls generally feel being approached by a guy who is alone?

Thanks for any opinions, input, feedback or whatever you guys want to give.

 

[guru1000]

It's a process. I won't be your therapist but I'll leave you with this, do not compromise your self respect and integrity.

 

[joekerr31]

make sure you take your ex back the first chance you get. as interesting as you may be finding her behavior now, you're going to get an even bigger kick out of it next time when she takes the kids, the house, half of everything you are worth and about 1-2k per month from you for at least 10 years. and you'll get hte pleasure of being able to look back at her behavior now and think to yourself 'wow, why am i surprised she's doing this to me again?"

as for the bar scene you'll have to get advice from someone else on that. i rarely hit the strip much anymore.

 

[JeeperCane]

make sure you take your ex back the first chance you get. as interesting as you may be finding her behavior now, you're going to get an even bigger kick out of it next time when she takes the kids, the house, half of everything you are worth and about 1-2k per month from you for at least 10 years. and you'll get hte pleasure of being able to look back at her behavior now and think to yourself 'wow, why am i surprised she's doing this to me again?"

as for the bar scene you'll have to get advice from someone else on that. i rarely hit the strip much anymore.

lol, yeah, I already read www.nomarriage.com as well.

 

[aliasguy]

Hey guys, I've been a long-time reader of this board and pages. I finally decided I wanted to post because I need an opinion on a few topics.

First, let me tell you a bit about myself. I'm 26 (will be 27 on Dec. 30). I work at a multinational vacation company and make a pretty good salary for my age bracket. I also have my MBA. I wouldn't say I'm the greatest looking guy in the world, but I don't have much of a problem getting chicks. I try and workout 4-5 days a week. I'm not arrogant or ****y at all, just more of a realist. I know my limitations as well as what I do well. I live in Miami and went to college here.

I've been down here in Miami for eight years. Over that time, I can honestly say that I've dated some very beautiful and amazing women. I've been able to close chicks at parties, bars, class, work (only once, don't recommend it) and from many backgrounds and ethnic groups. I have always been against marriage and believe that it means far more to love someone and stay with them each and every day because you want to, rather then be binded by a legal contract. However, with my current girl, I've began to soften that stance.

Unfortunately, I've been out of the game for the past 14 months. I met my girlfriend at a bar and, even though I actually left her there that night because I was with another girl at the time, I tracked her down through the internet and we were going strong until just after Thanksgiving.

To make a long story short, I've been getting the same "will you be ready to move in with me when my lease is up?.....do you love me?.....do you love my body?" questions pretty regularly since July. I'm sorta even-keel most of the time and have been slowly getting used to the idea that I might be settling down. My girl is pretty emotional, she gets upset a lot and I've been "dumped" countless times, but never for more then a few hours. It's mostly a temper-tantrum. She's an actress and I guess it goes with dating an artist. Normally, after this happened once, I'd have kicked her to the curve and moved on to someone else, but I was hooked by this one and kept letting things slide. She does have many outstanding qualities however, including her abilities with children, a caring heart which she wear on her sleeve and the fact that she challenges me.

Recently, I got the "I don't feel as though I could ever deserve a man like you" talk. She wants to see other people. She did a literal 180 on me and says there are a lot of things she needs to do before she commits to a serious relationship. I was pretty devastated for a while and couldn't understand why. She and I had a few of those emotional talks that no one wants to admit to having, but it's done. Her friends are mad at her for breaking up with me as well as most of her immediate family. This was a girl who basically was planning our wedding and then lost it. I was starting to come to grips with surrendering the bachelor life and debating ring shopping as well.

Sooo....here I am today. I've been without her for almost 3 sold weeks. I'm doing better and been going out myself a few times just to get my feet we again. Nothing major. A few girls that I've known for sometime have been coming out of the woodwork lately and I've got a few dates lined up for this week. I'm trying to keep my head clear about things nowadays. I see this as a great opportunity to make sure my girl is indeed the one I want. I can explore a few more women and see if there is anything out there that moves me.

I do, however, want to figure out a way to go about things with my now ex-girl. I've been ignoring her calls (she wanted a pair of shoes back to wear to a wedding, I dropped them off at her place on my lunch break, but ignored two calls to thank me. I just can't seem to put a cogent sentence together when I'm on the phone with her because I do miss her a lot) this weekend. I'm pretty embarrassed at how upset I got when things first fell apart. I did most of the "I don't understand" bull that I know better then doing.

1). What exactly should I do now in regards to the ex? I'm trying to give space and let her see what things are like without me in any way, shape, or form.

2). What should I do in regards to moving on to something new? Basically, most of my friends are married or locked down, so I'm going to be going out alone for a bit. I'm pretty confident in a bar alone, but I also have very little experience. I don't want to be "that guy" at the bar who is there alone for an excessively long time. How long should a stay alone last? If I attempt to engage a few girls and fail, should I move on to the next bar before I look like that guy who won't go away? How do girls generally feel being approached by a guy who is alone?

Thanks for any opinions, input, feedback or whatever you guys want to give.

dude, looks like you've got yourself a cluster B type.

THIS is classic: "will you be ready to move in with me when my lease is up?.....do you love me?.....do you love my body?"

And "COUNTLESS" dumps, followed by makeup stuff?

What should you do with regard to moving to something new? YOU SHOULD MOVE ON TO SOMETHING NEW. This girl is toxic, poison, dangerous. Leave her NOW. No talk, no discussion, no NOTHING.

This woman is ILL, and if you decide to keep on with her, YOU ARE TOO.

Bail. Today.

I'll be willing to answer questions you have, either right out here on the site, or in pm's.

You are in danger if you don't disconnect from her.

 

[JeeperCane]

i really don't have anything to hide, maybe others can learn from my mistakes.

elaborate on what you mean by cluster b type? is that slang for just "stupid b1tch?" or is that really a DJ term?

 

[DJDamage]

Recently, I got the "I don't feel as though I could ever deserve a man like you" talk. She wants to see other people. She did a literal 180 on me and says there are a lot of things she needs to do before she commits to a serious relationship.

Do you want the womenese translation? well here it is:

"You are not my first choice, I want to fvck around and see if I can snag a bigger catch (which in her book I suspect could mean a guy with a bigger bank account) and if I do you will never hear from me. If I don't then I will settle for you".

I suggest you cut the living in fantasy dream you are currently experiencing and face reality for what it is. Do you really want this girl returning to you after she done her best to wh0re herself to the highest bidder and then if no one snags, she comes back and literarly say: "Ok I am done my wh0ring, lets get married my love".

If you accept her back, you will deserve everything that will come your way afterwards and it ain't going to be a pretty picture.

 

[JeeperCane]

If you accept her back, you will deserve everything that will come your way afterwards and it ain't going to be a pretty picture.

Yeah, I know you guys are right.

 

[Metro3pilot]

make sure you take your ex back the first chance you get. as interesting as you may be finding her behavior now, you're going to get an even bigger kick out of it next time when she takes the kids, the house, half of everything you are worth and about 1-2k per month from you for at least 10 years. and you'll get hte pleasure of being able to look back at her behavior now and think to yourself 'wow, why am i surprised she's doing this to me again?"

Damn good point Joeker

She wants to see other people.

translation from ******** :

" I don't really like you anymore, but I don't want to break it off clean so I gonna tell you some disneyland sh*t so you don't leave me forever, in the mean time I am going to sponser a few sausage parties and if I can't find someone better then I will come back to my lil biyatch and I bet you wont even taste all the **** that has been in me on this little break to find myself "


don't do it man

 

[joekerr31]

Yeah, I know you guys are right.

just remember, either she is...

1) banging someone else
2) playing mind games with you
3) out searching for a new sugar daddy
4) lost interest in you
5) looking to make you commit and is basically 'breaking up' with you hoping that you'll come crawling back and will do what she wants (in which case, see #2).

 

[iqqi]

just remember, either she is...

1) banging someone else
2) playing mind games with you
3) out searching for a new sugar daddy
4) lost interest in you
5) looking to make you commit and is basically 'breaking up' with you hoping that you'll come crawling back and will do what she wants (in which case, see #2).

Perfect summation.

She sounds really immature. She needs to grow up. By not answering her calls, I think you are doing the right thing for now.

 

[Gerard-890]

I hate to get off topic, but this is another prime example of how "girls" treat guys that are great guys, and I don't understand it?

And typically when you bring issues like this up to other girls, they will give you a response like IqqI just gave, and talk about how those girls are "immature or just stupid," when 95% of women do the same thing. Does this mean all women are stupid?

My problem is not so severe as the OP, my problem is this:

1.) I've learned how women act and choose to no longer have any emotional ties.

2.) I literally have sex with them and move on.

My problem is that this act of behaving is not really me, and I don't care if it's "AFC" or not, but I sorta just want to be able to love a woman without her acting a fool.

However, I have a dilemma, it's when I don't love them is the times that they love me. And it's when I love them that they start acting a fool.

You are damned if you do, damned if you don't, overall it really doesn't look like I can defeat this?

 

[iqqi]

I hate to get off topic, but this is another prime example of how "girls" treat guys that are great guys, and I don't understand it?

And typically when you bring issues like this up to other girls, they will give you a response like IqqI just gave, and talk about how those girls are "immature or just stupid," when 95% of women do the same thing. Does this mean all women are stupid?

My problem is not so severe as the OP, my problem is this:

1.) I've learned how women act and choose to no longer have any emotional ties.

2.) I literally have sex with them and move on.

My problem is that this act of behaving is not really me, and I don't care if it's "AFC" or not, but I sorta just want to be able to love a woman without her acting a fool.

However, I have a dilemma, it's when I don't love them is the times that they love me. And it's when I love them that they start acting a fool.

You are damned if you do, damned if you don't, overall it really doesn't look like I can defeat this?

Why don't you just stop picking fools? And stop... being a fool? EH?

Oh... wait, that might be impossible with your scientific 95%/5% ratio there.

 

[STR8UP]

I hate to get off topic, but this is another prime example of how "girls" treat guys that are great guys, and I don't understand it?

I got a theory.

I think today's women want a PRIMITIVE man, but today's men expect a MODERN woman.

Think about it. Men KNOW there will be no lion sneaking into the house in the middle of the night, so what's the use in having the ability to smite a beast with a single jab of a spear?

Women are a little slow to realize this. They still want the guy who can kill the lion.

 

[STR8UP]

Why don't you just stop picking fools? And stop... being a fool? EH?

Oh... wait, that might be impossible with your scientific 95%/5% ratio there.

Anyone else wonder how nice it would be to not have to listen to a bunch of static when you post? I certainly do.

I thought we eliminated that when they got rid of WyldCougar??

I guess not.

 

[Gerard-890]

Like but Str8up I don't understand, really?

When I get laid now, I find that I am being very ****y and mean to the woman, I just sort of take her into the sex. I just want to go back to being myself and just have a woman accept me as that.

And I'm just tired of the crap they talk about, like IqqI says about "pick other girls" urgh?

What other girls? I've dated and screwed all types, cultures, etc, they all seem to "think the same" even though they have different personalities, careers, friends, etc.

I mean, I don't know, I'm really getting tired of all this and feeling as though I can't live and be myself and I don't think it's Fair, I've felt many internal feelings of just snapping and going on a killing spree.

 

[STR8UP]

Like but Str8up I don't understand, really?

When I get laid now, I find that I am being very ****y and mean to the woman, I just sort of take her into the sex. I just want to go back to being myself and just have a woman accept me as that.

And I'm just tired of the crap they talk about, like IqqI says about "pick other girls" urgh?

What other girls? I've dated and screwed all types, cultures, etc, they all seem to "think the same" even though they have different personalities, careers, friends, etc.

I mean, I don't know, I'm really getting tired of all this and feeling as though I can't live and be myself and I don't think it's Fair, I've felt many internal feelings of just snapping and going on a killing spree.

Sadly, if you aren't a self centered pr!ck, you CAN'T be yourself around women and expect to get anywhere.

That's a little bit embellished, but not far from the truth.

I have this 22 yr old chick that I banged a few times that was (is) absolutely in love with me. Why is she in love with me? Because although I treated her well, I had no desire to be in a relationship with her. I spent time with her when it was convenient for ME. I actually had no idea how much this chick liked me until recently when she told me that part of the reason she MOVED OUT OF THE STATE was because of me. I was like "WTF????"

On top of that, she was under the mistaken impression that I spread some kind of rumor about her. But did it have any effect on her attraction toward me? Not at all. The more I pushed away, the more she chased.

Pull their hair and call them names and they will love you forever. Take them to a nice dinner and a bar with $12 martinis and they want nothing to do with you. Might as well pull some hair and call them some names cause we all know that the other method doesn't work!

 

[Gerard-890]

But Str8up, I don't know I'm just tired of being that way. I was a total AFC at first until I found out what I should do, I starting doing that and all of a sudden I'm Brad Pit around town.

But I'm frigging sick of it. I don't like being like this, I own my own business and when I'm dealing with customers is the only time I can be myself (nice, charming, and cool).

It's when I come home and have to interact with women that I have to put on my "hard-a s s" hat and I'm really tired of wearing it.

Why can't they just like a nice guy? I mean, who are these people and where do they come from?

And why is it that when I talk to them about this, they seem TO NOT understand what the hell I'm talking about?

 

[MikeYikes122]

I try to stay away from giving advice on the long-term relationship threads because I'm not as experienced in that area, and I'm also a lot younger than the other posters on here. But the answer to your first question about how you should handle the situation with your ex seems pretty simple to me. You should try your best to move on by not contacting her, forcing yourself to meet other girls and making new guy friends as well.

There is that cliche' sorority girl quote about how you should never make a person your priority when that person only considers you an option. As corny as that saying is, it sounds to me like it applies completely to your situation.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Pull their hair and call them names and they will love you forever. Take them to a nice dinner and a bar with $12 martinis and they want nothing to do with you. Might as well pull some hair and call them some names cause we all know that the other method doesn't work!

It's like my Grandpa once told me. Treat em mean and you'll keep em keen. Treat em nice and you'll pay the price.

I bet I just earned myself a place on Iqqi's sh!t list. :crackup: