Long Term relationship break

[animal crackers]

Here's the short story...

I have dated this one girl for over a year back in highschool, and now we are both in college. I know that we both love each other, but we are 2.5 hours away. Now at the beginning it was like we were in highschool, and she would call me all the time, and she was the one making all the effort, and that was pretty much how our relationship in highschool was. Now fast forward a month and she is in college now, and has her own social life, but still makes time to call me often.

Well one night she went to a party, and I did something very anti-DJ. When she got home I asked her retarted questions such as, "were the guys there hitting on you" and "do u like them hitting on you" and pretty much sounding like a jealous guy. I then said "fu" to her, and hung up. She called back and asked if i mean it, but after that conversation she said that something changed inside her. It didn't help things that i would occasionally ask her some of those same type of questions later.

She eventually said that she wanted some time to herself to "be more independent" and things were getting kind of tense between us. This last weekend i was trying to get things back to normal, but it was wierd in the fact that i seemed more caring about it than she did.

On sunday I told her that I understand why she reacted that way, and that I was not myself when i said those things to her. I told her I respect the fact she needs a break.

Well I know that I want to be with this girl, but I slipped up and said a bunch of stuff that was VERRRY not like who I am. I sounded jealous and controlling... but what can I do to show her thats not how I am, and that I want things good with us together again?

 

[Gipper]

Phew. It sucks, but there's not much you can do. You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube, so to speak.

But, the positive thing is, you grew up a little. At 19, you amped up and lost control, but it's understandable at that age.

This may be salvageable, but I doubt it.

Play it cool. Let her call you, and don't bring any of this up again.

Long distance relationship fail at an astronomical rate. Chalk it up to experience, look around at all the beautiful babies around you, and target one (or more) to approach if things go south.

Gipper

 

[animal crackers]

I was thinking of making her a scrapbook of all the good times we've had together, but idk ive never really done anything like that before. Would that be desperate

 

[animal crackers]

ne1 have any opinion on the situation?

 

[MoveYourAss...]

what else is there to say ? Gipper is right.

Are you sure you just did this once ?

Play it cool and show her your good (not "nice") side only from now on, and DON'T get desperate or oneitis.

Of course this is difficult in a LDR.

MoveYourA$$... and your brain will follow

 

[SageOFAllenAge]

Originally posted by animal crackers
I was thinking of making her a scrapbook of all the good times we've had together, but idk ive never really done anything like that before. Would that be desperate

Seems AFC'ish.

 

[MoveYourAss...]

ehhm, there actually is 2 more things to say....

1) yes, this book-idea is VERY desperate, oneitis and nice. Sorry, no offence intended, but it even sounds idealistic and a bit naive dreaming to me. But believe me that I have been there, too, maybe even worse...

2) ok, seems you really did a big mistake there. learn from it and laugh about it sooner or later. BUT: If she breaks up just because of this happening once I doubt that its really the point. Maybe this was just the opportunity she (subconsciously) was looking for. I mean, she prob. is your age more or less and thus still experimenting etc. LDR is a VERY difficult thing to do.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by animal crackers
Here's the short story...

I have dated this one girl for over a year back in highschool, and now we are both in college. I know that we both love each other, but we are 2.5 hours away. Now at the beginning it was like we were in highschool, and she would call me all the time, and she was the one making all the effort, and that was pretty much how our relationship in highschool was. Now fast forward a month and she is in college now, and has her own social life, but still makes time to call me often.

Well one night she went to a party, and I did something very anti-DJ. When she got home I asked her retarted questions such as, "were the guys there hitting on you" and "do u like them hitting on you" and pretty much sounding like a jealous guy. I then said "fu" to her, and hung up. She called back and asked if i mean it, but after that conversation she said that something changed inside her. It didn't help things that i would occasionally ask her some of those same type of questions later.

She eventually said that she wanted some time to herself to "be more independent" and things were getting kind of tense between us. This last weekend i was trying to get things back to normal, but it was wierd in the fact that i seemed more caring about it than she did.

On sunday I told her that I understand why she reacted that way, and that I was not myself when i said those things to her. I told her I respect the fact she needs a break.

Well I know that I want to be with this girl, but I slipped up and said a bunch of stuff that was VERRRY not like who I am. I sounded jealous and controlling... but what can I do to show her thats not how I am, and that I want things good with us together again?

Heh...you've placed yourself in a VERY bad situation here. The girl's in college, which means she's going to be in an experimental mindset, being away from home and all. That was offset by the fact that you were such a great guy, but now you've shown your jealous side and all that did was push her away.

I'm sure all her friends are egging her on to meet new people, experience new stuff...and plenty of guys are hitting on her, trying to convince her that you are just holding her back. But by acting jealous and possessive, you've given her something to THINK about that she didn't have before. She'll remember this now every time someone suggests that you might be holding her back.

The scrapbook is an absolutely horrendous idea. It shows that you're desperately worried about her leaving you...which may be overreacting on your part. You know what, you already apologized for overreacting...leave it at that. Own up to your bad decision and don't try to buy your way out of it with little favors. The more you try to compensate, the worse the effect of your slip, the more it seems like you're trying to sell her a false bill-of-goods.

Are you two officially separated now?

 

[animal crackers]

Well last weekend she told me that she couldn't be together with me, but then again we did have sex after she told me that. She said she wants to be more than friends, but less than what we were before.

Also, the jealous retarted questions were strung out through the time period of a few weeks, but that one incident was the start.

On sunday before I left to go back to school I told her that I understand where she is coming from, and that when I was saying those things I wasn't myself. I see girls down here all the time cheating on their boyfriends, and I've had sex with one of them....but that's why i got worried and jealous over her. I told her that I'll always love her, and she cried and then that was it.

 

[NewMan]

Ok - stop calling her. Let her call you.

Still see her when you are close by - but cut the jealous BS.

Move on in your mind and find other women. That will be the key to your success.

If you can move on emotionally and mentally - you will be in a much better situation.

 

[animal crackers]

bump