Long Term Relationship balance??

[latinnova]

Let me ask some of you who have had multiple long term relationships (I have only had one) what you find most common in making the relationship work. After some meditating on the issue in the past, and seeing some other person post about LTR, and I am curious.

I think for me, I was and continued to be alpha in my relationship. I didn't know any other way to be. I wasn't a prick, but I also never let a woman walk over me, ever.. I would stand for what I believe in, and took control of the situation, and the ex-wife used to say she loved it. But then she would also contradict herself and say that she was not used to having a man in such control because all the men in her family were hyper-beta men who let the women walk all over them, and I mean in a bad way. I think these guys eventually grew vaginas. She also seemed to have a longing for a bit of that emasculated man. And no, I am not thinking about ex-wife, she's a cheating whoor, just the relationship in general and how to improve the next one.

Anyhow, what kind of balance do you guys strike? I know I can't become a little beta man in a relationship, it is not in me to do so. I could not fake that. I just remember growing up and seeing my father as a mega-alph male, lol. He was a big dude, 250 lbs. german who was not fat, had an 80's mustache, smoked cigarettes, a cool - calm confident type. And the only thing I could ever think is I would get a slap in my face from my father and he would turn in his grave if I acted any way but the way I am :trouble: . That is not something I could change, it's not who I am, so perhaps I wasn't cut out for LTR? Any thoughts and experience from the older Don Juan's on this.

 

[Colossus]

I would say these, in order of importance:

1. The right female.
2. Establishing and maintaining frame (you are the pilot)
3. Some "beta" qualities are actually necessary for a successful LTR. By that I mean flexibility, picking your battles, forgiveness of minor transgressions, and a bit of sensitivity. These aren't really true beta traits if you are a Man deep down, it's just part of being a decent human being.

Relationships aren't "made" to work. I hate that saying. But they are maintained, much like a garden. See my post here on the topic.

 

[latinnova]

Well after reading the link you posted, it seems that the mistake I made was in not choosing the right stock to begin with. Other then that I had it going on.

 

[latinnova]

Lots of guys thinking they were "too alpha" and thats why she left these days...myself included...girls have caught up to the game. Colossus #1 is by and away the most important x10. #3 is correct too but dont sleep on these hoes using it to shame you even when you did nothing wrong really.

"Girls have caught up to the game"? Just curious as to what you meant by that, just trying to understand, srs. I was with the ex for 14 years so I definitely wasn't gaming anymore, just being myself.

 

[GADavid]

Women want to fvck alphas who just have fun and marry beta providers who will be stable and put them on a pedestal. At the same time.

I guess if I meet the right girl, I would show her that I will always be able to replace her but I choose to give her a special place in my life. Ideal would be a rich guy who is an alpha. She'd want to sleep with you for the alpha traits and not stray due to your resources.

1. Always be the one who cares less and can walk away first. Higher value.
2. Women need to feel jealous. If they aren't jealous over your ability to get other women, they won't fight to keep you. (They will allow the beta to keep providing and while fvcking the alpha)

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Latin,
1.Reasonable proximity within 30 minutes drive...
2.Sexual compatibility...
3.Sense of humour
4.A bonding interest say dancing,chess,gardening...
5.Intelligent conversationalist...
6.Pays their way...
7.Has their own shack..
8.Similar values...
9.Kind and forgiving personality...
10.Settled permanently...
And ten years down the line just someone I can converse with!

 

[latinnova]

Girls love to dump guys these days for being "emotionally unavailable" or "too mean" or "didnt show that he loved me".

Ding ding ding, we have a winner folks. Emotionally unavailable was the key phrase here. That was pretty much her excuse. Now she is with ultra beta male that gives in to her every whim and desire. How long do u think she rides that train before she becomes bored once again and tries to find another alpha? Anyhow, I have been having my share of fun dancing, going out, meeting new women and scheduling them in with what ever time I have available. I am who I am, and being alpha is what I am. Can't change that about myself. Life has been good and fun lately!

 

[latinnova]

. She needs novelty and is addicted to the emotional roller coaster of new men. A bunch of us here went through similar breakups under similar pretexts recently...may be some sort of trend who knows.

Wow, u pretty summed up my exact thoughts on what happened to my ex. It's funny they preach the whole "destiny brought us together and I was meant only for you" it's funny because it seems as if men are the only ones who can actually keep their word on commitment. Right now, for me, it's about enjoying and getting to know other women without commitment. I think women can feel this, the more women I am getting the more seem interested. It's like a snowball effect, it's hard to get the ball rolling, but once it does it picks up its own momentum and it just rolls on its own with minimal effort from me. I also guess it's because I am much more comfortable talking to women again cause I just don't give a Fock.

I actually was talking to a girl the other day and referred to her as a beeotch, twice . I really didn't mean too and it just slipped out, I thought to myself "oh sh!t" but what was done was done, so I kept on with what I was saying. Believe it or not it seemed to pique her interest and took it to another level, she was Kinoing me hard core after this and had that look in her eyes. I was thinking "what the hell is wrong with u ladies, lol" anyhow it actually seemed to work in my favor somehow.

 

[Colossus]

and see thats the thing. thats the catch 22 of relationships. once you give in to a chick and dont even realize youve gotten comfortable yourself, thats when she knows shes got you. thats when her fear of losing you evaporates. thats when the relentless shlt testing and fights over nothing begin. respect is all but gone and you lose your alpha appeal.

I hate to say it but I mostly agree. I think it's a product of the times we live in. Women don't NEED us anymore the way they did before the latter half of the 20th century. It's not shameful for them to be single. They can work and largely support themselves. Wh0ring around has no social consequences. They are lovers of themselves and lovers of momentary pleasures.

I think many men lose ostensibly good women because they become too comfortable. They become too predictable and relax to the point where the woman has not even an inkling of HEALTHY anxiety that he could leave her. It becomes too boring for her to bear, so she seeks that dopamine gina-tingle of a new man elsewhere.

I think this all ties in to my rule #2, which is maintaining the frame. Part of maintaining the frame is nurturing a fear of consequences. I think more men should spank their wives. I'm serious. I'm not talking about erotic spanking, I mean like domestic discipline spanking. Men have lost this level of leadership and women have lost almost all fear and respect for men as the heads of household. Frame isn't something you establish once and then forget about, it has to be ACTIVELY maintained. Of course selecting the best woman possible is a critical factor, but it all ties in together.

 

[latinnova]

Well, I can say that my ex had a realistic sense of fear of losing me. She was obsessed with my looks, and every time I would go out she would have serious anxiety about other women hitting on me. She knew the whole time she could be replaced, and as of late she started really worrying about her age and how it would affect her looks. She always said that men look better as they age, and women start falling off at over 30, it was a huge source of anxiety for her.

I must say that this relationship was solely destroyed by hypergamy. I recently found out that she is moving into one of the nicest parts of town with her balding beta boyfriend, about a month after the divorce. Well, that's good. Now my kids get to go to the best schools in town and get a high quality education. They will then be able to hook up with the best candidates and spread my genes for the future generations to come. Evolution in action. And me, now I am free and clear and enjoying the bachelor life that I was not able to enjoy in my early 20's. I no longer have to deal with pyscho crazy, hyper jealous, bi-polar wife, and can enjoy a wide range of companions without having a legal contract that ties me too them.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Latin,
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Great Post Mate!....and great to see how your Spirits and options have lifted...Do you think this forum had a part in your Renaissence?

 

[latinnova]

Absolutely scaromouche. I have been so far gone from the reality of the relationship game and was completely unaware of what to expect, and these forums were such a huge source of knowledge to help lift me up and move me forward. Especially the mature section forum. I was able to use my experience ,and with the help of these forums and others who had gone through similar experiences, put together the mystery of women and how I used to be able to get them when I was younger. Nothing has really changed, just technology is much different and I needed to adapt.

And now that I have been out in the field, I will say that come dumpsters out number decent women 10 to one. I am picky with my ladies and the sloots just don't do it for me. I actually like the hunt the most, and if they just spread the legs the first date , I uhhh.... Don't want dieases if u get my point, lol. Unless I feel a super crazy strong passion for them it's not gonna happen. I like a little challenge with a classy woman, build up the anticipation, and then go on to have some of the greatest sex on the planet. I guess I'm not like most guys, I only pick what I like, and not sleep with every whoore who spreads their legs for me. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it's what all my friends do, it's just not my game.

 

[rugby11]

Hey try this speech and see what you think...
http://youtu.be/xr0k892fyaE