Long distance - she has bf - I want her - good progress already

[KMerv]

Hello guys,


My first post here so please be gentle.

This is a very long story, but I try to make it short...

I'm 35 and she is 31.

I got to know this very special girl in the same company a few years ago. We live in different countries, but share a lot of work. All started with innocent work emails, but slowly things escalated in to very personal things and I started to realize that holy **** this girl is great. I had not even seen her not even talked with her on the phone!

Skip a year and she asks me to be FB friends to which I gladly said yes. Now things got even more personal and we soon ended up having virtual sex in FB chat which both liked immensely.

I, of course, started to get a crush on her and I noticed the same from her to me even though we never said anything. We also started to txt a lot all sorts of sweet stuff when we couldn't have a proper FB chat. Like "I miss you" in the middle of the night and stuff like that. I was in heavens.

Ok some time later she lets me know that she has a man with whom she is living together. They have known "on-off" for 6 years and have recently moved together again for the second time. She also asks if this would change anything between us. I said "Nahh of course not" even if I was really quite devastated. After a few days of thinking I thought that I would still try to have a shot on her.

We kept our chatting going and it was just as personal as ever. Even when she was travelling with her man she chatted with me in secret about very personal and even sexy things. She was showing a lot of affection towards me and often told me that she thinks of me way more than she should.

Then comes spring this year and I asked her if she wants to move any forward with me since we have done this chatting for so long. She says no she doesn't want to change anything in her life since they have money, friends, home etc. I then wanted to end everything right there to save myself. She freaked out a little bit, but understood me.

I slept over a night or two again and dared to ask her if she would want a little romantic adventure with me without any strings attached. She answered after a few days that yes, she wants to do that. I was pretty happy man again since I still wanted to have her completely for myself and thought that this was a step towards my goal.

Some weeks later she said that she has found some days when she could fly to me, but she was still as hesitant as hell. Again after a few days she said that she has booked the tickets and is coming in a week! We both started to plan ahead everything we were going to do both happier than ever.

So one day before her flight her bf finds out that she was not going on a business trip like she had told him, but instead on a private trip to see some bloke. I don't know what kind of a discussion they had, but the next day she asks me if she can still come even if we would have to be just friends. I told her that there is no way in hell I'd go to the friend zone, but sure come anyway as I just want to see her at least once.

She came and she came many times more during her stay if you know what I mean. I let her lead the way and only took over the last 5 % when she told me not to listen to her head, but to her body instead. Sex was absolutely brilliant for both. Even more importantly the whole time we had was very romantic with long stares, cuddling, touching, whispering and so on. Magic.

Eventually she left back home, but just a couple of days ago we decided to meet again in a week in her country. Everything was even better than in the first time. She told me many times that she has never had such great and "connecting" time and sex with anyone before.

She gave a lot of hints about her feelings towards me like that if we keep seeing each other she will fall in love with me and that I should maybe start to learn her language and stuff like that. Before I left she made me promise to keep coming back to her and if I can live with this situation for a while.

Now we are pretty much in the present day as I came back from her about two weeks ago.

Yesterday we agreed that next week I travel to her again and we have also planned to meet somewhere in late August.

Ok things look good for me yes? I'm not sure. Last weekend I was drunk and wrote her a damn "I Love You" message!! What a mistake! She commented on it that she is not sure what to think about it. I didn't really say anything to it other than "yeah well I said it now" or something like that when we skyped the other day. She said that she is not sure if she loves me yet, but that she "is close". She also said that she is living in a hell right now with a suspicious bf and she can't decide what to do. I could help her and be gone, but I want her for myself so I can't leave. She told me that her brain says to forget me and her heart says the opposite. After the skype she texted me that we need to skype more so that her head doesn't get a chance. WTF I'm confused.

So now I'm looking for any advice on how to proceed?

Should I move away from her a little bit if my ILU message scared her? Or should I add a bit more steam to the engine?Should I keep my mouth shut about it when we meet next week? I think yes.

Clearly she lacks the romance and excitement at home which she gets from me. Great sex helps me, too, for sure.

Also it kills me that I don't know what's happening so I can't stand this situation forever. Should I push her a little bit for a decision when we meet in August? Or just cool off and reduce communicating with her drastically and see what happens?

So yeah - I need some advice for turning her more to my direction! Thank you!

 

[Greasy Pig]

If she cheats on her current BF, what makes you think she won't cheat on you down the track when she feels things are getting a little stale.
You've got the oneitis bad with a woman you can't have.
I would seriously just keep her on the hook for NSA sex and nothing more.

 

[adam225]

Don't waist your time with her. You aren't desperate are you?

 

[KMerv]

Good points guys. Those are a lot in my mind, too. Nothing would stop her from cheating on me and it has happened a couple of times to me before. Not fun, but I always get over it.

But for the time being I would like to risk it with her a little bit.

Thus I'm looking for tips for getting her to myself rather than what to do in the whole situation (to which the smartest move would be to move on).

So don't take this as I'm completely disregarding your advise to forget her. I'm not - I just would like to see advise for the other option, too.

Thanks guys!

 

[VladPatton]

A cheater in a long distance relationship is like a bank robber managing the safe at Bank of America. Seriously, man, find something better, this girl will be good for a very short period of time, and in 6 months you'll be back here asking for heartbreak advice. Leave it alone, and find something better, this is NOT gonna be worth it in the end.

 

[pinkfl]

never treat someone as a priority when they treat you like an option.
She can't even be dumped...she isn't an ex because you were never officially together
Just stop talking to her. She isn't your girl.

 

[KMerv]

Damn this is not going how I wanted.

She is not my only option guys. I date two girls today, bang one on saturday for sure and have one more planned for next week so far. So yeah I'm looking around already.

With this foreign one I would just like to make it a bit further at least than where we are now.

Yeah sure I really like her maybe even enough for oneitis. If my fingers burn down the road then **** happened and I deal with it like before.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

You are in a state of delusion and, I will predict, will have an excuse or a comeback for every piece of advice you get here.

As such, I feel like I -- and everyone here -- are wasting our time trying to enlighten you about your "situation."

But here's the deal:

This woman is NOT in love with you. In fact, it is not "you" that is turning her on here.

It is the excitement of breaking a taboo... of being bad, of going behind her boyfriend's back, of sex with a foreign guy, the titillation of almost getting caught, the living on a knife's edge with suspicious boyfriend, her feelings of power and control over two men, and so on.

It's NOT YOU that's gotten her wet, it's the situation as a whole.

Guess what? You move to where she is or she moves to where you are, and she leaves her boyfriend for you and all of that is gone.

It will be fun for a few weeks/months.

Then normal routine will set in.

She'll dump you within the year.

But not before she either finds a new lover to cheat on you with and/or goes back to snogging her old boyfriend (who she knows she can control as well).

OPTION 1: Dump her and get on with your life

OPTION 2: Keep gaming local girls and go bang this chick once in a while.

REQUIREMENT 1: Get it out of your head you "love" her. You don't. That's just the chemicals in your brain responding to the attention and excitement and the sex.

REQUIREMENT 2: Quit contacting her so much. Less Skyping and less texting. You've made this "relationship" a central focus of your life and there's no long-term positive here. She doesn't love you, is a cheater, and if you do get with her, she'll eventually cheat/dump you.

This has been a time-sink for you, and an emotional one too.

I see nothing healthy in pursuing anything serious here at all.

 

[JoeMarron]

I'm not a fan of dudes stealing another man's girl but KMerv the most she should've been to you is a long distance fvck buddy. Instead youre screwing the situation up by trying to pursue a relationship with her. She lives in another country and she's a proven cheater. You know damn well this isn't gonna work out. What baffles me is that apparently you have the skills to seduce women in your area yet you're still hung up on this chick. Drop the emotional relationship chit and make her come to you if you still wanna bang.

On an unrelated note this proves that face to face isn't the only valid method for seducing women. This chick cheated on her man with a dude hundreds of miles away that she's never met. Women are open to all methods of seduction whether it be face to face, text, email, hell maybe even hand written letters if you know what you're doing lol. Now I'm not advocating that you should blow up a girl's inbox in an attempt to get with her but that texting isn't the great evil that some of the forum members think.

 

[KMerv]

What baffles me is that apparently you have the skills to seduce women in your area yet you're still hung up on this chick. Drop the emotional relationship chit and make her come to you if you still wanna bang.

Yeah this baffles me, too. It's not like she's super hot or anything. I have had and will get way better looking women right here in my own neighbourhood. Maybe too much emotions, but where did they come from as I rarely have such problems with others?

 

[KMerv]

You are in a state of delusion and, I will predict, will have an excuse or a comeback for every piece of advice you get here.

As such, I feel like I -- and everyone here -- are wasting our time trying to enlighten you about your "situation."

No no I will not have an excuse for every advice. I hear what you guys say.

Right now I have pretty much decided (yes little bit of doubt still) that after August when she hopefully comes here if things look exactly the same as today I will get rid of her. NC will be difficult as we work together, but outside of work I will quit everything.

It's just that before I do that I would have wanted to see a little bit further at least. If for nothing else then just to prove you guys RIGHT.

 

[Kailex]

Brother, read my signature... enough said.

 

[hop On hop Off]

You know what, after reading these replies, I have a lot respect for this site right now. Just something on the spurs of the moment.

 

[Tomthebomb]

Didn't read the whole thing but you sound like a desperate loser with low self respect.

You realise she's a w.h.o.r.e right?

 

[mikey2012]

Been there done that. Dump her

 

[nismo-4]

TL;DR!

Did Judge nismo really have to read that long ass wall of text to see the fact you're guilty of unauthorized use of a pedestal? Do I need to state that your princess is in another castle? Do I need to tell you to spin more plates? God damn! Get a life outside of this girl, and stop making her a damn priority!

Case closed. Stop chasing hoes!