Long Distance Relationship.... who has done this?

John9999

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I would like to hear from guys that have pulled this off. The deal is that I live in the Los Angeles area, she spends time in LA and Oklahoma, about 50/50. we have not seen each other yet, will happen when she is here in 2 weeks.. I have never done a long distance relationship and would only consider this because she does have a home here and spends time here.

Thoughts? advice?
 
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xplt

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I had one. And it caused nothing than sexual frustration. Cheating included. Will never engage in a LDR anymore.
 

John9999

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comon... someone has to have made this work....
 
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Alvafe

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comon... someone has to have made this work....
I bet you would be the first....

no serious I kewn some who did this, but the end result was they going to be together in a certain time frame, not something for ever nad even so it was a diferent time, when social media was non common and people still said to not divulge personal info over the internet.

nowadays? its impossible, unless you don't care for cheating, but then why even have a relationship?
 

Dash Riprock

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You live in LA, population 13M+, and you cannot find anyone else to date besides a woman that lives in Oklahoma? AND you're asking about the efficacy of a LDR and haven't even met her yet? WTF?

Dude, you need to seriously check your game and mindset before doing any more dating. Not to be a d*ick, because I'm around your age, but your post wreaks of AFC desperation.

Good luck.
 

Kotaix

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I've done LDRs before (never again), so speaking from experience...

First off, it's not possible to make an LDR work by definition because an LDR is not a real relationship. It's a placebo that takes the place of it and it's toxic to your life's progression if you keep it up over time.

There is exactly one upside to engaging with women like this, and that's that you get to know pretty quickly if you're compatible beyond the sexual realm. If the conversation flows like wine, then you have chemistry. If not, it won't stand the test of time. Obviously it's good or you wouldn't be considering this. There is a dark side to this coin as well, you have to take what she's saying at face value, and she could be lying her ass off. But it sounds like you'll find out soon enough.

Whatever you do, and there's no way for me to emphasize this enough: DO NOT, under any circumstances, entertain the idea of any kind of exclusivity with a long distance "partner". She can be a fun piece on the side when she's in town, and if it works out and y'all hit it off like nobody's business, then you can consider her moving in or whatever if that floats your boat. But for the love of all that is holy keep spinning plates. You do NOT move for her, and you don't schedule talk time with her.

One more thing that you need to think about honestly: Consider why you (and her) are contemplating this at all. Are you trying to cover up insecurities or are you afraid to approach women in person? You should be trying to improve your game instead of putting energy into an excuse that allows you to avoid rejection.
 

John9999

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Nice well thought out response. Lots to think about. Yes the conversation has been terry. And as for trust, it goes both ways.
 

John9999

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You live in LA, population 13M+, and you cannot find anyone else to date besides a woman that lives in Oklahoma? AND you're asking about the efficacy of a LDR and haven't even met her yet? WTF?

Dude, you need to seriously check your game and mindset before doing any more dating. Not to be a d*ick, because I'm around your age, but your post wreaks of AFC desperation.

Good luck.
Oh you would think so. LA has been called and is the definition of dating hell on earth. It is a freakin circus. Just ask anyone above age 30.
 
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In2theGame

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I've done it. Would I ever do this again? Nope.
 

2Rocky

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Did an LDR for 3 years. 2 hour flight away seeing each other every 30-45 days for a long weekend. She moved all her stuff here 3 months ago.

Started off as a fling and we just clicked from the get go. At some point we both realized we were really right for one another and had "the Talk" about our future. My thoughts on what required to make one work:

  • Same Time zone. You are going to need to communicate often. Might as well be on the same schedule for free time.
  • Total Travel time door to door between locations needs to be under 4 hours if flying. This makes leaving after work Friday night and returning Monday morning doable for a weekend. Driving I'd say 2 hours unless it was a route you had regularly (traveling for work)
  • Schedule that lets you be out of town for 2-3 days at a time. No Pets to feed or board out.
  • A solid handle on her cycle. Aunt Flo can disrupt a romantic weekend .
  • An end date with an idea of when and which one of you will move.
  • Frequent flyer miles .
  • Seasonal long term employment or location independent career. Teacher with a summer job, consultant that can work from home, etc
  • Absolute trust in the other person.
  • Ability to devote time together to each other fully. No one wants to travel to visit someone who is on the phone working a deal all weekend.
  • Finances and resources to see one another at least every 45 days. There is no relationship if you don't spend time together in person.
  • Regular check in time when apart. Communication is huge. Like Marriage Huge.
  • Solid Handle on your emotions. She is going to have guys around her who are attracted to her and you can't blame them.
  • A clear understanding of "what this relationship is"
  • The express feeling that this is the right person for you to dedicate your time and energy to, and the knowledge that they feel the same way.
 

lamath

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**** no

Unless its temporary like a month or 2,
 
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John9999

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I can already tell this is gonna be hard. Already I feel like it sucks. Wanna see her but she’s so far away.
 

John9999

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I need to get real here... she loves her two sons she loves very much and they are in Oklahoma City and she is very involved with them. She gave up her rental condo here is Los Angeles and has no job waiting here. She does have a "do anywhere" thing she is working on.

What are the legit chances that she moves back to LA? probably very low.... and of course the first woman in awhile to be into me and interested.
 
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