Long distance relationship is killing me --- need professional help

[Pikachuthechosen]

I have been in this relationship with my GF for 3 years now, two of the years have been long distance. My problem is is that my GF is in college and since i'm not around she goes out to clubs and bars and drinks with her friends. I have always been concerned that she goes and meets guys to hang out with but she assures me that she doesn't and even when she goes to clubs she doesn't even dance with other guys.

it makes me so frusterated to not know what she does when she goes out. She never tells me anything about her nights. Should I be worried? I am especially worried because she goes out and drinks and its to my understanding that when someone drinks they always talk to other people of the opposite sex. Am I right in wondering about her or is she loyal?

 

[itishe]

I don't care who the girl is because when they drink they all get slutty. I'm sure if she hasn't atleast gone to third base with any of them I can bet you bottom dollar she's atleast made out with them. I've been there before man, get out of the LDR it's not worth your time.

You'll tell me some bull**** about her being special. She isn't. If you spend any decent amount of time worrying about what she's up to you shouldn't be in a relationship with her. SHE SHOULD BE THE ONE WORRYING ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO!

Not the other way around.

 

[whistler]

Itishe gives great advice. Unless she's madly in love with you (and after a couple of years I'm sure she's not), she's definitely at least pushing the envelope, if not worse.

 

[Pikachuthechosen]

I have been thinking the same thing the whole time. What doesn't add up is why would she not just tell me she get with other dudes and if she has the nerve to cheat on my why would she even wanna stay with me. she told me if she wanted to be with other guys she wouldn't be with me.

 

[MacAvoy]

I have been thinking the same thing the whole time. What doesn't add up is why would she not just tell me she get with other dudes and if she has the nerve to cheat on my why would she even wanna stay with me. she told me if she wanted to be with other guys she wouldn't be with me.

Its very simple. They provide her with the physical intimacy and you offer the much ballhooed mental intimacy. So you get to be b/f while all the guys at the bar get the physical benefits.

 

[whistler]

I have been thinking the same thing the whole time. What doesn't add up is why would she not just tell me she get with other dudes and if she has the nerve to cheat on my why would she even wanna stay with me. she told me if she wanted to be with other guys she wouldn't be with me.

Well, if she IS cheating to any degree, what good would it do her to tell you about it?


Exactly.

 

[realsmoothie]

I never understood long distance relationships... a waste of time in my book.

Of course, I'm not a "professional" (I don't think any of us are), so...

 

[vorbis]

leaving aside the worries about cheating (no one knows for sure, saying she's cheating is though a standard sosuave response for such situations )

WHAT are you getting out of this relationship? 2 Years long distance????
When if ever are ye gonna be together again? I'll be positive and say she isn't cheating but you should still break it off. This relationship is giving you nothing.

 

[Pikachuthechosen]

Well I love her and we get along great. She cleans my apartment whenever she comes over. I usually see her every other weekend but right now I am staying with her for 10 days because of christmas/newyears. The last two years I saw her every weekend but now were father apart even so now I only see her every other weekend. also the sex rocks she lets me get it anytime I want it really, that is when she's around.

so I do get some thing out of it but most of the time i'm pretty lonely cus I have no girl to come home to at night most of the time. Breaking it off does seem like the best choice in reality but my conscience tells me no because I know I would be sad if we broke up

 

[itishe]

Dump her, bang other chicks. It's fun.

 

[CraigMack]

I have been in this relationship with my GF for 3 years now, two of the years have been long distance. My problem is is that my GF is in college and since i'm not around she goes out to clubs and bars and drinks with her friends. I have always been concerned that she goes and meets guys to hang out with but she assures me that she doesn't and even when she goes to clubs she doesn't even dance with other guys.

it makes me so frusterated to not know what she does when she goes out. She never tells me anything about her nights. Should I be worried? I am especially worried because she goes out and drinks and its to my understanding that when someone drinks they always talk to other people of the opposite sex. Am I right in wondering about her or is she loyal?

I hate to burst your already stressed out reality bubble but:

1. Women are consumate liars.

2. You are insecure and not living in the DJ code. You should have been busy with your own life.

3. By being busy with your own life instead of probably calling her all the time (which is another point), you could of created more attraction to you. When you act needy and desperate you push women away.

4. You just need to accept the possiblity that yes she is having fun with other people right now as girls tend to do in college. Yes YOU yourself need to get out there and do what this site has taught you instead of whinning and preening over your first love (your acting like she is) there.

Good luck to you. Remember life is about learning lessons. When you get that phone call just remember to keep your testicles in place friend.

 

[Last Man Standing]

My problem is is that my GF is in college and since i'm not around she goes out to clubs and bars and drinks with her friends.

Another "liberated" girl (read,,,"hor") - yeah kid, you were just the next pimp in line!!! She has a new pimp - move on with your life!!! Find another hor and then repeat!

This sounds a little trollish to me!

 

[Ricky]

I used to like LDR's. They had all the fun and none of the boring day to day stuff.

But's let's see how many have I had. Hmm Columbus, Chicago, Scotsdale, Houston, NYC. Those are the ones I can think of quickly. Yeah I guess I'm 0/5 for them working out in the long term!

Although my current girlfriend did move here to be with me and there was a short 3 month period where she was long distance.

Dont' give up though. You could be an exception. Just keep your options open.

 

[Pikachuthechosen]

Thanks for all the replys! I will keep them in mind till I think of what I will do with her.

 

[Chemistry]

Maaan, your girl is young and I'm guessin you're a similar age...

Sometimes in life you just have to be open about things... if your situation is killing you then you should think about changing it... life is short so you should enjoy it, and you'll find that there are more girls who you would have a wicked time with... simply put, if things are meant to be with this chick then you'll end up with her... in the meantime, enjoy yourself and don't obsess over it...

I'm not going to say that your chick has been unfaithful because I know chicks who have been away from their boyfriend for 2 years+ and have remained totally faithful... one thing to bear in mind though is that the chicks I know who do that, are a little older and settled... I know what goes down at University and it's natural at college age to be curious about all those things... guys will have approached your chick, it's inevitable but if you read the Field Reports on here, you'll find that chicks DO say no when they have a BF... everybody has been rejected by a chick who's happy with a boyfriend at some point, regardless of how good the game you kick to her is...

 

[WaterTiger]

I agree with RealSmoothie, LDRs never work out and are a waste of time. You both are young and should not be tied down to one person that you only see twice a month.

Even if she isn't cheating (let's give her the benifit of the doubt) she's still seeing all her friends and classmates going out and having a ball while she has to be a good girl and turn down offers.

Are you getting offers? Are you going out with friends and enjoying your youth? (You only get a limited time, don't blow it sitting home wondering if this girl is cheating)

Take a "break" from each other, date other people (you know, that live LOCALLY) if it was meant to be, you two will get back together at a later time.

 

[DJsparky]

One thing to clear up, Long Distance Relationships work and by saying they dont work would be very selfish because every situation in pick up, including relationships are different. But trust is a big issue in LDR's and i have an LDR right now, i trust that she adores me, because i make her feel that, but i know she can be picked up by someone else.

Does it bother me? Nope, not in the slightest, you need to learn to balance your emotions and in your case you need to remove any emotional attachment you have on her and turn it into positive emotions.

Alot of people are saying dump her, but coming from someone who has had LDR's all his life, i can say you have no need to dump her, you can learn from this by making yourself emotionally unattached from the insecurity and neediness.

Your young just like me, im 19 and when i was in San Diego under Hypnotica's wing i learned that it is best to have plenty of options, it may not feel right at first, but it is worth the expierence of juggling multiple chicks.

Keep your LDR, but remove any emotional attachment, its a simple mindset that you have to install in your head, you will figure that out.

On the other hand, date multiple chicks too, because believe me we wouldnt all be here if we could put our emotions and feelings onto one girl and trust her that she wont screw us up, its a cruel world, but you have the ability of change, be the guy who dates multiple chicks, then if she cheats you wont care, you will just ring "sarah" for a night of company, get it?

 

[MetalFortress]

I have been in this relationship with my GF for 3 years now, two of the years have been long distance. My problem is is that my GF is in college and since i'm not around she goes out to clubs and bars and drinks with her friends. I have always been concerned that she goes and meets guys to hang out with but she assures me that she doesn't and even when she goes to clubs she doesn't even dance with other guys.

it makes me so frusterated to not know what she does when she goes out. She never tells me anything about her nights. Should I be worried? I am especially worried because she goes out and drinks and its to my understanding that when someone drinks they always talk to other people of the opposite sex. Am I right in wondering about her or is she loyal?

Seriously dude, stop it. If you don't trust her, break up with her. Whether she's cheating or not you shouldn't be in a relationship if there's no trust. And what's more, she's the one who's going out having fun, when you should be doing that as well instead of sitting at home all butt-worried about what she's doing.

 

[MacAvoy]

Why sit there and wonder if she's cheating? Earlier I spelt out the advantages of an LTR and how she may be taking advantage of it. But the most important thing is not worry about what you can control BUT go out there and control the things you can.

Don't sit at home and wonder what she is doing. Take advantage of a LDR. Enjoy the benefits of knowing that you have someone to love and someone loves you. Then stay busy sowing your oats at the same time. Your young, the fact is at your ages, the chances of you marrying are slim, the chances of you staying married forever are miniscule. So enjoy the benefits of having this women in your life, but don't throw away your prime.

By doing so, it will only make you more attractive to her. You won't come across as a needy AFC, you'll become the prize and she'll do whatever she can to keep you. Never forget your the prize.

 

[Man Of Adventure]

You dont have to be in the relationship. You dont have to need her or anybody like that in your life, period. If the situation is making you doubt you can leave it and find someone more suitable and near your location. It does not have to be this way. Thats for you to decide.

I have been in this relationship with my GF for 3 years now, two of the years have been long distance. My problem is is that my GF is in college and since i'm not around she goes out to clubs and bars and drinks with her friends. I have always been concerned that she goes and meets guys to hang out with but she assures me that she doesn't and even when she goes to clubs she doesn't even dance with other guys.

it makes me so frusterated to not know what she does when she goes out. She never tells me anything about her nights. Should I be worried? I am especially worried because she goes out and drinks and its to my understanding that when someone drinks they always talk to other people of the opposite sex. Am I right in wondering about her or is she loyal?