Long Distance Relationship: How to make it work?

[JCKey618]

I've read some posts about long-distance relationships and they are pretty discouraging. I met this girl down at Philips Academy Summer Session and we really fell for each other, but the problem is that I live in DC and she lives in Alabama. We decided that when the program ends (which it did a few days ago) we'd keep up with the relationship.

I worry that she'll find someone else, but she's the one always expressing her worries about me finding someone else. She says if this relationship ends, it'll be because I end it, not her. Also, she lives in a town where it is hardly any black people and she says she only dates black guys (we're both black), so it's not like she's going to have a lot of guys to distract her from me.

We're both 16. I plan on visiting her for a week or two during the Holiday Season and her parents even said that I can stay in their house. Also, she's going to try to come up for Spring Break. Then, next summer, we have the 5 week program up at Phillips Academy again.

When we were down at the Summer Session thing, I asked some of her close friends if she was likely to keep the relationship going and they were like "definitely, she loves you more than anything."

We are going to try to talk on the phone almost every night. My encouragement for making this relationship work comes from a girl that was in the Summer Session program and that goes to my school: This past year she had a LDR with someone that lives in New York and kept it up. I heard that they called each other like every night and they''ve keept it up for a year so far.

So, given the circumstances, what do I have to do to make this work? I'm willing to sacrifice a lot. Hell, neither one of us had a relationship this past school year, so maybe this will be a pleasant change.

 

[smitty1707]

I'm no expert on the subject, by any means. I'm currently in a little bit of the same position, since I'll be going off to college in Sept, and my GF will still be finishing her last year so high school.

My opinion on the matter is, if you both want it work, both work at making it work, and most of all, if you trust each other. It can work. I'm not saying it will, but it certainly can.

 

[JCKey618]

If we can get this to work, I wanna try to go to the same college. I think that if we don't get into the same college, then it wasn't meant to be.

 

[oakraiderz2]

How old are you?? IMO i think its a horrible idea. Youll be limiting yourself for someone you dont even see. But if you want to go for it, just remember when other chances come you wont be able to take them.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Originally posted by JCKey618

I worry that she'll find someone else, but she's the one always expressing her worries about me finding someone else. She says if this relationship ends, it'll be because I end it, not her. Also, she lives in a town where it is hardly any black people and she says she only dates black guys (we're both black), so it's not like she's going to have a lot of guys to distract her from me.

Sounds like blackmail: "You'll be the one to finish it, not me". Maybe subconcious, but it's still there.

I wouldn't bother if I were you. I've been through LDR, and it didn't work out at all.

Best of luck if you do try it. You could always try it and see other girls on the side.

Oscar.

 

[P.I.M.P.]

Don't even bother with it. It's pointless, ESPECIALLY at our age.

Plus, it's a proven fact actual p*ssy feels better than your hand going to the voice of your distant lover.

So do yourself a favor. Find a girlfriend who lives near you. And enjoy the tang.

 

[rich_uk]

id say either cheat on her (no nice way of putting it) or better yet be honest with her. say you like her but you cant commit now and think you should both see other people when you are apart.

 

[rich_uk]

o yea, listen to cherie on abc!!

 

[NBA23]

You don't try to make a long distance relationship work..

Remember 3 billion girls in this big world..

 

[Eternal]

DC to Alabama!? Dude, no! I'm going to Alabama for college and even then, it doesn't seem good...Why travel the 18 hours by car, or few hours by plane just to be with her for a few days? Like P.I.M.P. said, find some nice ass around your area and go for it. Then, if you still want her...Look into some colleges around there...

 

[seloifter]

meh, long distance relationships just don't work.

Only a very small percentage of people can hold up LDR's...... a VERY small percentage.

Here's what'll happen:

you'll start talking to each other every day on the phone.
After a while, you'll realize that there is nothing left to tlak about. Why? Because she doesn't know your friends, so any stories about them will just bore her; you don't know anything about each other's real lives, so stories about "what happened today" will be totally insignificant. You'll run out of htings to talk to each other about. You'll start talking to each other less and less often. You'll feel that because your phone conversations are dying, your relationship is dying. Then you're going to start screening her phone calls (not picking up when you know hse's calling you, pretending you're not home), trying to avoid her because you know every conversation is a downward spiral into bachelorhood...... and then the relationship has died.
The end.

Not a very good story, is it?

Here's a better one:

You tell each other to break it off for now. You go scope out all the HB's in your town. Start the mackin, gain the experience. Some time down the road, maybe you bump into each other. You actually have things in common now, things to tlak about. Plus you cn actually get pssy now. A happy relationship ensues.

Better story, no?

 

[GlutusMaximus86]

LDRs can work out sometimes. My sister met a guy on the internet who lived in California (we live in Virginia) and after going through an LDR for a year he moved in with us, went well for a while then my parents kicked him out for various reasons. Now they live champaign Illinois together. (I don't recomend trying to find a gf on the internet though for obvious reasons)
Also my Best friend (whos at boot camp all summer) is an LDR but he is whipped really badly. Whenever we go out he tells me we have to get home by 9:00(or something like that) so he can talk to his girl. there also only allowed to talk to each other like twice a week or something.
If you do keep this LDR I reccomend only talking to her 2 or 3 times a week and also don't let her stop you from going out just because you have to call her that night.

 

[Superman X]

I'm in a LDR right now. You wanna know what the best part of a LDR is? You can cheat and there's absolutely no chance that she'll ever find out. Why don't you just do that?

Join the dark side JC...

 

[oakraiderz2]

Originally posted by Superman X
I'm in a LDR right now. You wanna know what the best part of a LDR is? You can cheat and there's absolutely no chance that she'll ever find out. Why don't you just do that?

Join the dark side JC...

I kinda cheatec on my girl tonight, we're no goin out but we kinda are. I just made out with a HOT girl...and her it is 130 in the morn and i just got home and can still type fine. im sooo ****ed up its amazing. Kissin while drunk ownsz all!!!

 

[drixsa]

Originally posted by JCKey618
If we can get this to work, I wanna try to go to the same college. I think that if we don't get into the same college, then it wasn't meant to be.

man listen to yourself. you sound pathetic

who gives a fauck where shes goin

go to a school that has what you want not WHO you want

chances are shell dump you once she gets to college

 

[JCKey618]

Cheating and lying about important things suck, because they will come back to haunt you. Think about it, if you lie to a girl abot something big (like your age, your job, how much money you make, etc) just to get with her and then the relationship gets serious, you know you have to tell her the truth, but you lying may ruin the relationship.

It's like that with cheating. The dude that cheated on his long-distance girl: What if she moved near you and y''all became really serious and were thinking about marriage, wouldn't the fact that you cheated on her eat at you inside? I know it would for me. I feel guilty about anything I do that I think is wrong and it eats away at me and I usually end up confessing.

 

[blackmagick]

"You'll be the one to finish it, not me" - thats great, you can do whatever you want and she is not going to break up.
I like LTRs because you can have more gfs without problems. There is almost no way she can find out you are seeing someone else. You f*** her when you see each other - once or twice a year and the rest of the time you just call her once in a while just to keep the thing going, tell her you miss her and bla bla bla.

 

[JCKey618]

^^^Did you even see my post right above yours?

 

[MoAF]

Set up times you can SEE eachother, and do not talk untill its that time. Both be open to dating new ppl... it'll make the the time you spend together more comfortable/relaxed.

LDLTR's don't work, trust me.

 

[Superman X]

Cheating and lying about important things suck, because they will come back to haunt you. Think about it, if you lie to a girl abot something big (like your age, your job, how much money you make, etc) just to get with her and then the relationship gets serious, you know you have to tell her the truth, but you lying may ruin the relationship.

It's like that with cheating. The dude that cheated on his long-distance girl: What if she moved near you and y''all became really serious and were thinking about marriage, wouldn't the fact that you cheated on her eat at you inside? I know it would for me. I feel guilty about anything I do that I think is wrong and it eats away at me and I usually end up confessing.

Dude you are stupid. Cheating and lying only come back to haunt you if you get caught, that is, if you suck at it. Of course, her finding out 'whent the relationship gets serious' is a problem only if the relationship is going to get serious.

With that scenario you were talking about, I have a greater chance of getting hit by lightning three times while winning the lottery and having my grandmother explode in spontaneous combustion. It's not going to happen. And if it did happen, I could either dump her or get rid of my other girls.

So, I'm really taking no risk all. And there's absolutely no possibility of thinking about marriage. I'm fvckin 17, I won't be thinking about marriage for another 10 years. And neither should you.

And I don't know why you feel so guilty lying to girls. If you're good at it, and don't get caught, she won't even know. So you're not harming her in any way, while doing what you want.

I would like to brand your post with a flaming ONEITIS label. If you are thinking about "getting serious" with a girl who you've known for a month in high school, you have a terminal case of oneitis.