[Log] Pristine opportunity to improve my Social Skills

[GetFit66]

I will be using this thread as a log, feedback is welcome. Will post all updates as replies and will link posts in the OP w/ a one sentence summary.

Until I figure out where I want to live and am ready to buy a house; I'm staying at a nice hostel in one of the biggest cities in the US. Travelers and regulars are in and out all the time. The girl I've been dating for the past few months visits me here every other week or so. There are always hot European women staying here w/ their friends, by themselves, etc. There was an Indian girl here who I caught looking at me a few times this week and smiling. The regulars also will try and chit-chat. There are also some people staying here who I can tell are quite shy and perhaps they would be easy to talk to.

I'm going to get a damn clue about having conversations w/ strangers and not just shut them down w/ short small talk. And initiating conversation.

First log
9/4/22 @ 9:30am: Got up early this morning and saw another one was biting the dust, she looked at me for a little bit as she was packing up and waiting on her Uber. Probably wondered why I don't say anything. Would have been nice to talk to her, she was here with a girlfriend/partner for travel. Seemed like a kind person.

Just didn't know what to say... "Hi", proceeded by some intrigued eye contact and then ask "is that your girlfriend?" "Are you Indian?" idfk... it just seems like such a boring way to initiate conversation, grab attention and captivate someone. A really good tip I recieved on socializing recently is that it's not so much about being interesting or funny yourself instead it is more about how you make the other person feel. How can I make the other person feel excited or happy at the start of a conversation.

Need to fix my eyebrows and dye my hair...have too much for someone who is 30, makes me look 40.

 

[GetFit66]

Junk post/word vomit:

Reading an NBC article "how to have better conversations with people you've just met"

1. Think of the last conversation you had w/ someone new. Did certain moments feel awkward? Did you find the other person interesting? Did the other person find you interesting? Were you glad you had the conversation? The answer is typically yes to all these questions.
   1. Could you say that awkwardness also helps build tension and excitement?
   2. People typically worry their partner doesn't find them interesting.
      1. Well what if i don't find them interesting, that's more of a problem . So i guess I should focus on that instead of thinking if they'll find me interesting. I find myself pretty interesting.
      2. Also it's been nice to meet random people at the meetup events i've been going too, they seem awkward at first but then feel better. Article says "Conversations may start awkward at first and then get alot better". True.
         1. But I did talk to this one guy yesterday, he was telling me about his book where Putin is the anti-christ and Russia is going to take over the world and Elon's satellites are laser weapons. Had to yeet away from that conversation.
2. Talking to new people is hard because there are so many unknowns
   1. True but I've enjoyed that, it makes it exciting
   2. "The other person might talk too much. We might talk too much. They might shut down. We might get bored. They might get bored. There might be an uncomfortable silence. They might be trying to hit on me. They might be trying to hurt me somehow (which could be the response that’s a relic of our evolutionary past, Sandstrom says)."
      1. What I don't like them...sounds like more of an issue than if they don't like me...I could also change up how I'm approaching them. Plus they will be gone in a few days anyway.
3. “We want to be liked, or at least accepted by other people,” she says. “In order to not break these norms, we sometimes act like we’re treading on eggshells.”
4. Even the uncomfortable conversations can improve how we're feeling since humans are social beings. "Even small chit chat on a train with a stranger can boost mood".
   1. True, Indian girl looked pretty good yesterday in her sun dress. Would be nice to pass compliments. How to not come off as a creep tho?

Section: How to actually have better conversation

1. "Be brave worry less":
   1. "Even if it’s uncomfortable, be brave and just do it, Sandstrom says. The person is probably going to like you more than you think and you’re both probably going to enjoy it more than you think... talk with someone different from you, that can be the most enlightening and interesting experience.”
      1. Once I open up and start talking most people like me and are happy I'm talking. I may not be their favorite person but they enjoy having me around.
      2. Being in a confident state of mind really gives all kinds of ideas/things to talk about
2. Skipping
3. Skipping
4. Skipping
5. Skipping
6. Skipping
7. "Don't let awkward moments trip you up"
   1. "First, they look at you as if asking, “Do I know you?” Then there’s recognition they don’t know you. Then it’s, “Wait, are you a weirdo?” Then they get past all of that and realize you’re just being friendly."
      1. Right
   2. Awkwardness can be fun

Well that was a good article...now how to engage w/o being awkward while ensuring I'm not.... how to recognize and pick good opportunities for engagement.

Also I really spend alot of time just doing my own thing on my laptop w/ headphones on and cut off many opportunities for engagement and then I'm working alot...also my appetite for small talk is small. Right now I feel this was sufficent stimulation and want to just go for a walk or go do something else. But I know I'll likely end up leaving this matter for too long until another week when I am at this same point emotionally.