After reading a similar thread, I thought I would post an example of how I handled a LJBF/ control issue, please feel free to comment, good or bad-
The scene:
I have been seeing this chick, 26 yrs old, Very good looking, prob a bit of a sunshine/party girl but also works hard. Things had been going well, I have slept with etc, saw her only on weekends. Friday she is out and sends me a text just afte rmidnight asking
"Whats your plans for tomorrow?!"
I did not reply. later 1:23am, she sends this
"Take care sweetie x"
Well, WTF...but I call her late 5pm saturday...she is now unavailable for that night. So its now looks like I am chasing, not good. I spent the night in.
Which leads me to the next day sunday, I have already arranged to see hear next Friday, when I recieve this
"Hope you have had a good rest of the weekend. Thought I would let you know my car is booked in at the garage next saturday at 9am"
Ok, I am thinking, there is no mention of me coming down, first red flag. I reply
"Well, thats no problem.........................We just won't go to sleep then, if you can handle it?!"
She replies, basically saying its in another town. Red flag 2, Still no mention about our plans. So I call her, enough of this text rubbish.
The Phone Call. Main summary of key points and tests
We fluff chat for a while. She asks me what I did Saturday night, I reply ~(bearing in mind, I felt the LJBF vibe building prevously)
" I invited 6 strippers over, I wanted 10 but could only get 6 but we had a good night"
More fluff talk. She goes onto mention she likes being in control. I note this mentally but move the subject on.
Then she drops it
"This isn't working out is it?"
Ok, this is a grand oppurtunity for the AFC to spurt out his feelings of oh, we really get on well blah, blah.
I leave a long silence (never under estimate the power of not saying anything, much more powerful than words, I used these silences quite abit through out this convo, to build tension and remain in control myself). I reply
"Thats interesting"
She goes onto say, she really likes me and gets on with me so well, she doesn't understand ...( I am thinking, yeah great just what I want hear..not, I have not seen her for awhile so the attraction is dwindling, time to get back on track)
So, to avoid this trap quick, I say
"Do you want to see me again?" (be straight..saves a lot of hassle and time in the long run, and shows your not afraid of the answer)
Her reply
"I would like you to come to my house warming party" (test: do I accept a plain invitaiton to a party, when previously its just been me and her: fvcking etc: no way. The AFC would settle for this, he would be honoured)
My Reply
"You did not answer my question, you can invite anybody to your house warming party...would you like to see me again?"
Her
"yes but I am confused"
Me
"I find you interesting and intriging......I understand"
Her
"You do?, tell me! or are you playing mind games with me?!"
Me
"No..... but I do understand, why would I need to play mind games"
Her
"You think we won't see each other again?"
Me
"No, I don't think that........."
" I have spoken too much, good luck next week......(interruption)
her
"That sounds like we are not going to speak again (I hear the emotion, the turn around is beginning)
Me
"We will see"
Her (fluff etc) then
"The_King, I really like the way you think etc, I do want to see you"
Then my phone goes off, she asks if I will answer it (its a text)...I reply
"I think it must be the strippers, I think they have left some underwear"
Her:
"Can you please forget everything I said, I am just so stressed being end-of-year..blah, blah..(its true she has an incredible amount on at the moment, verified) I do want to see you"
Me:
"Ok, we shall see"
We arrange to meet up...end of conversation. Later I receive a text
"Thanks for putting a smile on my grumpy face. Speak soon x"
I believe, I handled the convo well, passed her tests and swung the control back. We shall see how it develops
When I sensed her retreating, I retreated further.
"We pursue that which retreats".
The scene:
I have been seeing this chick, 26 yrs old, Very good looking, prob a bit of a sunshine/party girl but also works hard. Things had been going well, I have slept with etc, saw her only on weekends. Friday she is out and sends me a text just afte rmidnight asking
"Whats your plans for tomorrow?!"
I did not reply. later 1:23am, she sends this
"Take care sweetie x"
Well, WTF...but I call her late 5pm saturday...she is now unavailable for that night. So its now looks like I am chasing, not good. I spent the night in.
Which leads me to the next day sunday, I have already arranged to see hear next Friday, when I recieve this
"Hope you have had a good rest of the weekend. Thought I would let you know my car is booked in at the garage next saturday at 9am"
Ok, I am thinking, there is no mention of me coming down, first red flag. I reply
"Well, thats no problem.........................We just won't go to sleep then, if you can handle it?!"
She replies, basically saying its in another town. Red flag 2, Still no mention about our plans. So I call her, enough of this text rubbish.
The Phone Call. Main summary of key points and tests
We fluff chat for a while. She asks me what I did Saturday night, I reply ~(bearing in mind, I felt the LJBF vibe building prevously)
" I invited 6 strippers over, I wanted 10 but could only get 6 but we had a good night"
More fluff talk. She goes onto mention she likes being in control. I note this mentally but move the subject on.
Then she drops it
"This isn't working out is it?"
Ok, this is a grand oppurtunity for the AFC to spurt out his feelings of oh, we really get on well blah, blah.
I leave a long silence (never under estimate the power of not saying anything, much more powerful than words, I used these silences quite abit through out this convo, to build tension and remain in control myself). I reply
"Thats interesting"
She goes onto say, she really likes me and gets on with me so well, she doesn't understand ...( I am thinking, yeah great just what I want hear..not, I have not seen her for awhile so the attraction is dwindling, time to get back on track)
So, to avoid this trap quick, I say
"Do you want to see me again?" (be straight..saves a lot of hassle and time in the long run, and shows your not afraid of the answer)
Her reply
"I would like you to come to my house warming party" (test: do I accept a plain invitaiton to a party, when previously its just been me and her: fvcking etc: no way. The AFC would settle for this, he would be honoured)
My Reply
"You did not answer my question, you can invite anybody to your house warming party...would you like to see me again?"
Her
"yes but I am confused"
Me
"I find you interesting and intriging......I understand"
Her
"You do?, tell me! or are you playing mind games with me?!"
Me
"No..... but I do understand, why would I need to play mind games"
Her
"You think we won't see each other again?"
Me
"No, I don't think that........."
" I have spoken too much, good luck next week......(interruption)
her
"That sounds like we are not going to speak again (I hear the emotion, the turn around is beginning)
Me
"We will see"
Her (fluff etc) then
"The_King, I really like the way you think etc, I do want to see you"
Then my phone goes off, she asks if I will answer it (its a text)...I reply
"I think it must be the strippers, I think they have left some underwear"
Her:
"Can you please forget everything I said, I am just so stressed being end-of-year..blah, blah..(its true she has an incredible amount on at the moment, verified) I do want to see you"
Me:
"Ok, we shall see"
We arrange to meet up...end of conversation. Later I receive a text
"Thanks for putting a smile on my grumpy face. Speak soon x"
I believe, I handled the convo well, passed her tests and swung the control back. We shall see how it develops
When I sensed her retreating, I retreated further.
"We pursue that which retreats".
