LJBF coming, how to eject properly?

[Firelight]

Alright, let me just keep this short.

I've been dating a few girls. I made a move on the one I like the most and it went over like a lead balloon. Yesterday she started to IM me about how "I always enjoy hanging out with you, but I think you thought it was a date, etc". I stopped her and said I didn't think it was appropriate to talk about this over IM and that we should meet for a quick coffee or something. Agreed and its happening.

Obviously I blew it with this one, don't need a lecture on this right now. What I do need to know is when we meet, should I:

A. Meet up and LJBF her before she gets a chance to say anything
B. Let her LJBF and act apathetic when she does
C. Admit I'm attracted to her, that I tried to make a move, and tell her she can get back in touch when she feels comfortable, but I'm not going to.

or D. something smarter that you can come up with?

Just for context, I actually really like hanging out with this girl ... she's the most fun of many I've gone out with. I probably won't want to hang out with her quite as much since there's no long term chance now, but I'd like to stay friends. However, I'm not willing to cut off my balls to do it, if you catch my drift.

Your thoughts are appreciated.

 

[DonJuan11]

I've been dating a few girls. I made a move on the one I like the most and it went over like a lead balloon. Yesterday she started to IM me about how "I always enjoy hanging out with you, but I think you thought it was a date, etc". I stopped her and said I didn't think it was appropriate to talk about this over IM and that we should meet for a quick coffee or something. Agreed and its happening.

Brutal. You are making it sound like its important what she thought. Who cares what she thinks? As long as you had fun with her, the rest will take care of itself. By meeting her for coffee, you are telling her you care alot about what she thinks about you and your intentions. Not good.

What I do need to know is when we meet, should I:

A. Meet up and LJBF her before she gets a chance to say anything
B. Let her LJBF and act apathetic when she does
C. Admit I'm attracted to her, that I tried to make a move, and tell her she can get back in touch when she feels comfortable, but I'm not going to.

or

D. You tell her "Unfortunately I can't meet up for coffee, something unexpected came up. Perhaps I can give you a call over the weekend and we can touch base."

Just for context, I actually really like hanging out with this girl ... she's the most fun of many I've gone out with. I probably won't want to hang out with her quite as much since there's no long term chance now, but I'd like to stay friends. However, I'm not willing to cut off my balls to do it, if you catch my drift.

I don't understand, you like this girl alot because she's fun? Are you still going to like her alot because she's fun when she starts sleeping with your best friend? Dude, if she's not kissing you and getting a little physical, be friendly but don't waste your time face-to-face. Have fun with your guy friends. Don't have fun with a girl when she could be sharing her body with your best friend.

 

[Skydiver43127]

"You have a really high opinion of yourself, don't you?"

Start with something shocking like this, then explain to her how she shouldn't assume light flirting means real interest.

She probably won't buy this, so don't drill down too much on the topic. It wil put doubth into her mind though and stop her from trying to walk over you.

As for the long term - I find such relationships with women very positive, since I can be completely open with them about everything. I discuss approach tactics with them, completely disregard their advice, listen to what they say about men and turn it 180 degrees to make it reflect their real opinion. (and then blatantly tell them what I think their opinion is). It's good flirting practice.

 

[Firelight]

I don't understand, you like this girl alot because she's fun? Are you still going to like her alot because she's fun when she starts sleeping with your best friend? Dude, if she's not kissing you and getting a little physical, be friendly but don't waste your time face-to-face. Have fun with your guy friends. Don't have fun with a girl when she could be sharing her body with your best friend.

I'd probably be more pissed at my friend for violating the "bro code". It's not my attitude to be jealous like that. But point taken.

 

[SharinganUser]

This just sounds like a colossal waste of time. Just tell her something came up, that you can't make it and then cut her off for awhile. You have other dates, go out with them more.

 

[Five To One]

Yea cut contact and come back to her in like a week or so, showing very little interest in her.

 

[JFun]

I don't see what's wrong with having female friends. In my opinion you can never have too many female friends - it opens up your options and social circle.

 

[SharinganUser]

JFun, there isn't anything wrong with having female friends. As long as they don't see you as one of the girls. I have a coworker that has a lot of female friends and he thinks he can lay them, but the reality is that they all have bf's and he actually got invited (and went) to a baby shower.

The other thing is that if the OP (or any guy) is friends with a chick he wants to bang, date or marry, it WILL ruin his self image/esteem.

 

[DJDamage]

Just send her a message cancelling the coffee thing and move on to other women.

Yeah fvck closure and LJBF's.

Never let yourself be in that situation. You don't have time to sit down in a coffee shop, drinking coffee while she tries to convince you how "she sees you only as a friend" while you know she will be sucking some other dude's d1ck.

 

[buddy6504]

If you absolutely have to meet her, which, I agree with most people here that you shouldn't, I'd go with option B and then just leave very soon thereafter. Like, "OK, cool, see you around."

 

[somebody2]

just tell her that you like her and you want to marry her...
simple...

 

[Firelight]

OK, glad I checked with you guys. I thought "manning up" and doing this face to face was the right thing to do, but I apparently got that wrong. I canceled and said I would call in the next few nights instead. Which I won't. =P

 

[Warrior74]

I don't see what's wrong with having female friends. In my opinion you can never have too many female friends - it opens up your options and social circle.

LOL. you really don't see the problem here? She's not a true friend if you still want to bang her, and then what happens when she starts going on about some guy she's dating, or wants to marry or is cheating on her. You really never been in the friend zone have you? All of my female friends I have either had sex with or don't want to have sex with. Now theres the trick. Can you have sex with a girl and still be her friend afterwards...I can. :yes:

 

[PectoralisMajor]

good skills on canceling - definitely the right move. go put your energies into other ladies..

 

[JFun]

I agree that if you're still interested in her (after she LJBFs you) that it's not really possible to be "friends" with her.

Personally when that happens I lose interest in the girl. So if she wants to be friends, no skin off my back.