Hi everyone. This is my first post. I’m a 19 y/o college student, male, and even though I consider myself to be fairly attractive and intelligent, I’ve never made it with a girl. Throughout high school, I had a bunch of guy friends, but I was a complete dud with girls. Through my first year of college, I also got no attention from girls. The same thing happened when I went to clubs and parties. Back then, I was stuck in this mentality that if I just carried myself right, the women would eventually come to me, but it is only recently that I realized that the “wait for them to come to me” mentality has gotten and probably will never get me anywhere, so I started approaching girls only a few months ago.
At first, they wouldn’t even give me the time of day. It was extremely painful and embarrassing, as I’d usually spend days concocting these methods of approaching them in class or in the hallway, coming up with a brief conversation, then I’d ask them out. The thing is that they weren’t interest, didn’t make eye contact, and I’d get turned down in less than a minute. I did manage to go out with 1 girl, and that was last month, and believe it or not, she approached me. She works at the Starbucks I frequent, and on her break, she came up to me and asked if I was in one of her classes, and found out we go to the same university. After a couple of more times of talking to her on breaks, I asked her out and she said yes. We went to dinner a couple of times, a jazz concert, an art museum, but she dumped me in 3 weeks saying things were moving too “slowly” before anything physical happened. I was extremely upset and resentful, but I’ve gotten over it, and just yesterday asked out a girl who’ve I’ve been eying in my biochemistry class and goes to my gym a lot, but she turned me down again, but this time she said she had a boyfriend, and I believed her because I’ve seen her turn down a bunch of other guys who’ve hit on her.
Despite the little progress I’ve made over the past few months, I still feel like I haven’t gotten anywhere. In 6 months, I’ve asked out 7 girls and only got 1 to say yes, and she ended it before anything serious happened. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m getting a little desperate and I fear that I may eventually have to lower my standards in women, which is something no man should have to do.
I don’t get it; I KNOW that you shouldn’t be the nice guy, which I’m not. I KNOW you should be confident in yourself, which I am. I KNOW that women want men who are spontaneous and exciting, which I try to be. I KNOW that women hate needy men, that you can’t attract them with chocolates and flowers, that a man needs to make the approach. I stay in shape, talk with an assertive voice in class and with friends, but I’m still alone and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
At first, they wouldn’t even give me the time of day. It was extremely painful and embarrassing, as I’d usually spend days concocting these methods of approaching them in class or in the hallway, coming up with a brief conversation, then I’d ask them out. The thing is that they weren’t interest, didn’t make eye contact, and I’d get turned down in less than a minute. I did manage to go out with 1 girl, and that was last month, and believe it or not, she approached me. She works at the Starbucks I frequent, and on her break, she came up to me and asked if I was in one of her classes, and found out we go to the same university. After a couple of more times of talking to her on breaks, I asked her out and she said yes. We went to dinner a couple of times, a jazz concert, an art museum, but she dumped me in 3 weeks saying things were moving too “slowly” before anything physical happened. I was extremely upset and resentful, but I’ve gotten over it, and just yesterday asked out a girl who’ve I’ve been eying in my biochemistry class and goes to my gym a lot, but she turned me down again, but this time she said she had a boyfriend, and I believed her because I’ve seen her turn down a bunch of other guys who’ve hit on her.
Despite the little progress I’ve made over the past few months, I still feel like I haven’t gotten anywhere. In 6 months, I’ve asked out 7 girls and only got 1 to say yes, and she ended it before anything serious happened. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m getting a little desperate and I fear that I may eventually have to lower my standards in women, which is something no man should have to do.
I don’t get it; I KNOW that you shouldn’t be the nice guy, which I’m not. I KNOW you should be confident in yourself, which I am. I KNOW that women want men who are spontaneous and exciting, which I try to be. I KNOW that women hate needy men, that you can’t attract them with chocolates and flowers, that a man needs to make the approach. I stay in shape, talk with an assertive voice in class and with friends, but I’m still alone and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
