listening to platonic girl friends' problems

[princesimba]

Women, being women, love it when people listen to them.

Sometimes, they talk about their problems.

Usually, whenever a completely platonic female friends tells me her problems, i will do my best to listen (if its a genuine problem), and I will offer advice or help if i can.

I think as a friend its my job to help my friends, male or female, with their problems, or even by just listening to them. As long as they dont do it too often and respect my time.

However at the same time, i also respect myself. And i definitely do not want to get to a stage where i become known in my social circles as that "nice guy" who always listens to girl's problems.

Not to mention, these ugly girls almost always know other hot girls. Listening and responding to their problems the right way can mean the difference between them hooking me up with a cute girl and them hooking me up with a whale :crackup:


The impression i get from reading these threads is that the best time to listen to a woman talk about her problems is NEVER. The argument is that men who listen and help only did so to try and get into the girls' pants, and is never really interested in listening/helping in the first place. As a result, the man disrespects himself by being "nice".

What lines do i set when listening to platonic womens' problems then? Should i even listen to them? How do i do so without compromising my values? Without being "nice"?

 

[Chamber36]

I tell women that they should only come to me with a problem if they are actually looking for a solution.

If the relationship is sufficiently romantic I could just cut off the complaining-talk quickly with a: "....girl...", and they already know.

 

[princesimba]

and if they just want someone to listen to them...?

 

[FairShake]

I think that if you consider these girls your friends you should listen to them and their problems. It's what male/female friendships do. They are probably the best listeners to your own problems I bet. While it is in our nature to just solve their problems it's also in our nature not to listen to them completely and sometimes we miss obvious solutions or forget that sometimes the best way to solve a problem is just listen and let them work it out for themselves.

I have NEVER EVER lost a girl because I listened to my female friends. If anything my female friendships have lead to sex. Sometimes with the same female friends I listen to. I maintain a fairly intelligent and playful frame most of the time but sometimes you need to be a multitalented man and just listen like a good friend should. But if you are still the amazing man that we are all working on being this doesn't take away from your value as a lover. You can still have fun, you are still decent enough looking, and you still have the confidence to go for it.

If your friends would set you up with someone you wouldn't like you might need to question them as "friends." They must not know you or care about you that much!

 

[bukowski_merit]

One of the best examples I can give of women not really wanting you to fix or figure out their problems is this:

About 2 weeks ago, a few of my female friends (one an ex) were having a discussion on facebook about how their newsfeeds keep showing people they aren't friends with.

They were going on and on about how this is strange and how facebook needs to fix itself.

4-5 women in this discussion.

I come in and tell them they're accidently clicking on hashtags, which facebook only recently began enabling.

NOT ONE woman in the disucssion aknowledged that I had just gave them the reason, and they all continued on with the conversation as if it was still a mystery (and another woman came in with "this keeps happening to me too and it's pissing me off").... See.... They all just want to share the sh!t falling out of their mouths/minds...

----

With that said - I don't think there's anything wrong with listening to a woman complain. You can gain information from it if you do it correctly.

Back in the day - I can't tell you the number of women that would complain to me about the men in their lives... And I'd end up banging...

Mostly due to wit, and negging, but also just because I'd just sit there and listen sometimes without offering a word... Which is all it took.

You just don't want to end up being the guy she lays all her feelings on all the time. The guy who tries to make everything better instead of poking a stick at the problem.

That's when you run into trouble...

 

[VladPatton]

To each their own, but I've never gotten jack from listening to a girl's problems that friendzoned me. It was a complete waste of time, and they always did what they wanted (the opposite) in the end. You're the one that sits there for 3 hours listening to her sob, then her bf who was out drinking and having a blast comes home and bangs her. THAT's a shıt deal!

 

[Epimanes]

Women don't want to solve their problems. They just want to talk about them.

 

[princesimba]

Women don't want to solve their problems. They just want to talk about them.

so do you sit there and listen? and give them emotional validation? Or is it a "not too much but a bit is ok" kinda thing?

what about romantic, long term relationships? i have seen many a relationship fail because the man never listens (he did, but like you said all he did was try to solve her problems)

 

[Epimanes]

Nope. I listen. I also ask if there is anything I can do to help my wife especially if a solution comes to mind but I don't offer the solution unless she says yes to my question of asking if I can help. (been together 20 years). My wife has a need for conversation so a lot of times we scoot off to the bedroom (to get away from our 2 kids) to have our talks and talking for my wife usually leads to sex. So ... I have learned to meet my wifes need for conversation well. Both my wife and I follow the marriagebuilders.com plan and all needs are made equal and so top needs need to be rewarded with top needs according to that plan. It works

Timing is key