Women want to know that you are both able to listen to and understand
them.
Asking follow-up questions, questions that stem from their answers and
the current subject of conversation, mostly demonstrates that you've
been listening to them but does not show that you fully understand and
relate to what they've said.
A strong personal connection cannot be established by simply asking
questions. You need to also utilize tactics that make the
conversation exciting, dynamic, and unpredictable, while remaining in
control at all times.
A great way to do this is to employ techniques that demonstrate that
you can understand and relate to them.
* BASIC PARAPHRASING & WORD SUBSTITUTION
You've asked about her work:
Her: I'm a part-time waitress at Denny's.
Basic listening:
1. "Which one?" - Since it has multiple locations.
2. "Where's it at?" - If it were a place you never heard about.
3. "How long have you been working there?" - You'd say something
unrelated to its location if it were a place you already knew about.
These types of questions are acceptable but all they show are basic
listening skills and have a tendency to lead to unoriginal
conversation.
Both listening and understanding:
1. "Which Denny's?"
2. "Where's (name of place) at?"
3. "How long have you been a waitress at (name of place)?"
In examples 1 and 2, the substitution of a single word is all that's
needed to give it a greater psychological effect. Example 3 is
slightly different; he not only substitutes a more effective word to
refer to the location, but he also adds/substitutes in the word
"waitress" to show that he's relating to her situation.
As you can see, paraphrasing can be as easy as incorporating one of
her words into whatever you decide to say.
* INTEGRATING PARAPHRASING, WORD SUBSTITUTION, EXPERIENCE & PREFERENCE
RELATING, AND DELATED FOLLOW-UP QUESTIONING
In the next example, the paraphrasing is a little more complex and it
uses a combination of word substitution, experience relating,
preference relating, and delayed follow-up questioning to further
strengthen the connection.
You've asked her what she did last summer:
Her: I went to France for a month.
You: How was it over in France?
Her: I liked it. I visited some of my relatives in Paris.
You: I haven't been to Paris yet. I wonder if I'd like it there ... (she
might interject with 'you'd like it, it's nice there') ... how often
do you visit your relatives over there?
1) Words used in Substitution:
'France', 'Paris', 'Visit', 'Relatives' - (demonstrates listening,
basic paraphrasing and superficial understanding).
2) Experience Relating:
'I haven't been to Paris yet.' - (demonstrates listening and
understanding).
3) Preference Relating:
'I wonder if I'd like it there.' - (demonstrates listening and
understanding).
4) Delayed Follow-Up Questioning:
'...how often do you visit your relatives over there?' -
(demonstrates basic listening and paraphrasing).
The key to this tactic is instead of immediately asking a question
related to her answer, you relate with her through experience and/or
preference, and then finish the statement with a follow-up question.
This provides more depth to the conversation and shows that your
conversation skills operate on more than one cylinder. It's also a
great way to avoid falling into an "interview" type of conversation
while still demonstrating that you have the skills to pick up on
whatever information she decides to give you.
Notes...
If she were to only say 'I liked it' and not mention that she went to
Paris to visit some relatives or anything else, you would still be
able to apply the same tactics. You would say, "I haven't been to
France yet. I wonder if I'd like it there ... what things did you do
over there?"
Remember that if the sample situation doesn't apply to you, you can
easily switch up a few words. For example, some might have said, "I
went to Pairs once. It was nice... how often do you visit your
relatives over there?"
In sum, not only are these tactics great ingredients for a
conversation, they also allow for increased opportunities to
incorporate a variety of other conversational techniques that
contribute to the overall liveliness.
Once you develop the skill to manipulate the conversation in this
manner, it won't matter what she says or how much she says initially
because you'll be able to pick up on and paraphrase anything.
Bear in mind that just like many other conversational techniques, the
situation has to call for the use of them. Make sure to practice the
tactics until you don't have to force the use of any one of them.
Once your skills have been polished, you should be able to
effortlessly identify the appropriate situations for their use and be
able to use the techniques to your advantage.
Laterz....
them.
Asking follow-up questions, questions that stem from their answers and
the current subject of conversation, mostly demonstrates that you've
been listening to them but does not show that you fully understand and
relate to what they've said.
A strong personal connection cannot be established by simply asking
questions. You need to also utilize tactics that make the
conversation exciting, dynamic, and unpredictable, while remaining in
control at all times.
A great way to do this is to employ techniques that demonstrate that
you can understand and relate to them.
* BASIC PARAPHRASING & WORD SUBSTITUTION
You've asked about her work:
Her: I'm a part-time waitress at Denny's.
Basic listening:
1. "Which one?" - Since it has multiple locations.
2. "Where's it at?" - If it were a place you never heard about.
3. "How long have you been working there?" - You'd say something
unrelated to its location if it were a place you already knew about.
These types of questions are acceptable but all they show are basic
listening skills and have a tendency to lead to unoriginal
conversation.
Both listening and understanding:
1. "Which Denny's?"
2. "Where's (name of place) at?"
3. "How long have you been a waitress at (name of place)?"
In examples 1 and 2, the substitution of a single word is all that's
needed to give it a greater psychological effect. Example 3 is
slightly different; he not only substitutes a more effective word to
refer to the location, but he also adds/substitutes in the word
"waitress" to show that he's relating to her situation.
As you can see, paraphrasing can be as easy as incorporating one of
her words into whatever you decide to say.
* INTEGRATING PARAPHRASING, WORD SUBSTITUTION, EXPERIENCE & PREFERENCE
RELATING, AND DELATED FOLLOW-UP QUESTIONING
In the next example, the paraphrasing is a little more complex and it
uses a combination of word substitution, experience relating,
preference relating, and delayed follow-up questioning to further
strengthen the connection.
You've asked her what she did last summer:
Her: I went to France for a month.
You: How was it over in France?
Her: I liked it. I visited some of my relatives in Paris.
You: I haven't been to Paris yet. I wonder if I'd like it there ... (she
might interject with 'you'd like it, it's nice there') ... how often
do you visit your relatives over there?
1) Words used in Substitution:
'France', 'Paris', 'Visit', 'Relatives' - (demonstrates listening,
basic paraphrasing and superficial understanding).
2) Experience Relating:
'I haven't been to Paris yet.' - (demonstrates listening and
understanding).
3) Preference Relating:
'I wonder if I'd like it there.' - (demonstrates listening and
understanding).
4) Delayed Follow-Up Questioning:
'...how often do you visit your relatives over there?' -
(demonstrates basic listening and paraphrasing).
The key to this tactic is instead of immediately asking a question
related to her answer, you relate with her through experience and/or
preference, and then finish the statement with a follow-up question.
This provides more depth to the conversation and shows that your
conversation skills operate on more than one cylinder. It's also a
great way to avoid falling into an "interview" type of conversation
while still demonstrating that you have the skills to pick up on
whatever information she decides to give you.
Notes...
If she were to only say 'I liked it' and not mention that she went to
Paris to visit some relatives or anything else, you would still be
able to apply the same tactics. You would say, "I haven't been to
France yet. I wonder if I'd like it there ... what things did you do
over there?"
Remember that if the sample situation doesn't apply to you, you can
easily switch up a few words. For example, some might have said, "I
went to Pairs once. It was nice... how often do you visit your
relatives over there?"
In sum, not only are these tactics great ingredients for a
conversation, they also allow for increased opportunities to
incorporate a variety of other conversational techniques that
contribute to the overall liveliness.
Once you develop the skill to manipulate the conversation in this
manner, it won't matter what she says or how much she says initially
because you'll be able to pick up on and paraphrase anything.
Bear in mind that just like many other conversational techniques, the
situation has to call for the use of them. Make sure to practice the
tactics until you don't have to force the use of any one of them.
Once your skills have been polished, you should be able to
effortlessly identify the appropriate situations for their use and be
able to use the techniques to your advantage.
Laterz....