deadmasterx
Senior Don Juan
These has been a bit of hard times for me in my relationship. My girl is currently having some problems thanks to lockdown (here things are a bit more severe, people has an specific time of the day to go out) and her family stuff. Because of these things, I started trying to take more care of her, be more present, listen more to her, and erroneously "trying to solve her problems". Man, you know when you have a feeling that you're doing things wrong but you just ignore this inner voice because you think you're doing the right thing? Gladly it wasn't late for me before I realized it.
You know, in this last week we had no sex, she's been crying and telling she miss me, but, at the same time, our contacting has been ****. Pretty much me calling her in the night to put her to sleep and listening to her complaining, asking her questions to open her up about herself (which is the right thing to do, but it turns out that overdoing it sucks) and wrongly expecting her to light up and give a smile (because in the past, with simpler problems, that was my sign of "alright, she's good, now I know my girl is alright"). Because of that I put myself in painful hours of FaceTime calls that end up nowhere. In the end, indeed, she give me a smile, tell me she "****ing loves me and is ****ing crazy about me", but that's because her level of attraction is high enough for these mistakes I've been doing not completely kill her attraction.
Today we were in a call and I was just listening to her. I came up, partially, to my centered self (not trying to solve her problem, but still being too available). She looked at me and said "I don't know, these days I've been thinking you're being an awesome boyfriend and that I don't deserve you". Ops, that's a sign. A huge flag right on my face. Pieces finally started getting connected again. Overtexting, overcalling, overcommunication, lack of sexual tension, not that enthusiastic of seeing me. Yeah, that's right boy, you've been too much of a nice guy this week. Time to fix it up.
Honestly I've never been in such position because she's my second girlfriend and I didn't have any problem with my first one in these matters. Gladly just one week passed, I got her message, came back to my senses and realized the big **** I was doing. Honestly, I'm not 100% sure of what to do besides backing off, do not call her for some good days unless for setting a date or unless she calls me, not playing her therapist trying to solve her problems (which is obvious but most times you fall into that trap, gotta be careful), cut off a bit of the contact (I'd write her always when I'm free, which isn't much time to be honest, just lunchtime and evening, but in the evening we'd be talking for hours and hours, and it came to the point it was extremely boring but I'd still be there trying to get that "problem solved" sign).
Do you guys have any more tips to give me of how to deal with this situation?
You know, in this last week we had no sex, she's been crying and telling she miss me, but, at the same time, our contacting has been ****. Pretty much me calling her in the night to put her to sleep and listening to her complaining, asking her questions to open her up about herself (which is the right thing to do, but it turns out that overdoing it sucks) and wrongly expecting her to light up and give a smile (because in the past, with simpler problems, that was my sign of "alright, she's good, now I know my girl is alright"). Because of that I put myself in painful hours of FaceTime calls that end up nowhere. In the end, indeed, she give me a smile, tell me she "****ing loves me and is ****ing crazy about me", but that's because her level of attraction is high enough for these mistakes I've been doing not completely kill her attraction.
Today we were in a call and I was just listening to her. I came up, partially, to my centered self (not trying to solve her problem, but still being too available). She looked at me and said "I don't know, these days I've been thinking you're being an awesome boyfriend and that I don't deserve you". Ops, that's a sign. A huge flag right on my face. Pieces finally started getting connected again. Overtexting, overcalling, overcommunication, lack of sexual tension, not that enthusiastic of seeing me. Yeah, that's right boy, you've been too much of a nice guy this week. Time to fix it up.
Honestly I've never been in such position because she's my second girlfriend and I didn't have any problem with my first one in these matters. Gladly just one week passed, I got her message, came back to my senses and realized the big **** I was doing. Honestly, I'm not 100% sure of what to do besides backing off, do not call her for some good days unless for setting a date or unless she calls me, not playing her therapist trying to solve her problems (which is obvious but most times you fall into that trap, gotta be careful), cut off a bit of the contact (I'd write her always when I'm free, which isn't much time to be honest, just lunchtime and evening, but in the evening we'd be talking for hours and hours, and it came to the point it was extremely boring but I'd still be there trying to get that "problem solved" sign).
Do you guys have any more tips to give me of how to deal with this situation?
