Listen to your fears

[Jariel]

There has always been a major focus here on getting over the fear of rejection and approaching, but by eliminating this fear guys are more liable to place themselves and others in uncomfortable or regrettable situations.

Let's say you have no fear about approaching some random HB who caught your eye. You rush in there and land yourself a b1tch, slvt, prostitute, obsessive psycho etc. At least the fear would have held you back long enough to know her a little better before you revealed your interest.

What about those rejections that make you look a fool and can damage your reputation? Guys who get rejected by a lot of women get labelled as desperate and no woman wants them.

Besides, just because you have no fear of approaching, it doesn't mean that women have no fear of being approached. Some find it uncomfortable and even frightening. Worse still, what about those guys who are persistent and continue harrassing a girl who is trying to politely brush them off? Nobody should be imposing on strangers this way.

Removing your fear of approaching and rejection is not the answer to a perfect "game". Fear keeps us within acceptable boundaries or serves to prevent consequences. A guy without fear may go ahead and slap a girls as$ or grope her breasts, but then get a slap or a drink in the face.

Rejection is painful for most people, but at the same time it helps us to accept and learn from our mistakes and faults and can be an incredible source of motivation to improve oneself.

Most important of all, excessive fear is an indicator of a deeper problem, and fear of women or rejection often points to low self-esteem or confidence, in which case you need to overcome the cause not the effect (see this great tip - http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=50513)

 

[Best friends? NAY]

So should we never aproach a girl ebacuse they might fear getting aproached?
Most of the problems that you say that come out of not fearing, are not beacuse of a lack of fear but a lack of respect. I don't fear the consequences of grabbing some randoms chicks ass, I don't do it out of general respect for people.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Screw fear, just learn how to qualify women properly.

 

[Jariel]

I'm not saying we should never approach and should give into the fear, but we feel it for a reason. Instead of trying to force the fear out just because it feels bad, it is far better to ask yourself why you feel it in the first place.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

oh i see, so your fear overcame you and instead of trying to beat it you are rationalising with it.

you are trying to conveince yourself not to apprcoh when in reality although what you say can happen it does not matter if it happens.

rather then trying to get us to tell you that you are right to try and think of reasons not to apprcoh, how about just overcomming it.

I dont tend to cold approch, sure i have swaped the odd few lines on the street with a girl i do not know and i approched a girl i had bever seen or talked to before, at school.

cold approching just isnt my way of doing things but i still belive its perfectly fine.

next time fight back against your fear rather then trying to find reasons why you are right not to do what you fear, this is just rationilisation, you can not do somthing so you try to make yourself belive you should not be doing it anyway.

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by check_mate_kid_uk
oh i see, so your fear overcame you and instead of trying to beat it you are rationalising with it.

you are trying to conveince yourself not to apprcoh when in reality although what you say can happen it does not matter if it happens.

rather then trying to get us to tell you that you are right to try and think of reasons not to apprcoh, how about just overcomming it.

Not exactly. For me, repressing the fear made me complacent and careless. Yet at the same time I knew it was a fake front and I was just masking my insecurity with a carefree attitude.

So I decided to accept the fear and look at the source: namely my low self-esteem. Improving my image, body and intelligence gave me more confidence and the fear isn't such a problem.

I'll be honest - I don't cold approach. It doesn't feel natural, which indicates that it isn't a natural thing for me to do. I feel more comfortable with warm approaches and have a very high success rate with them.

Generally, if something feels wrong, it probably is.

 

[ShizamDaMan]

I'd rather go out on a horrible date than never truly know if the girl is good or not.

You forget that 99% of this fear is unnecessary. Now if this girl is holding a 9mm pistol waving it around and shouting crazy things, you probably shouldn't approach her. Fear would be appropriate in that situation.

If she's in a coffee shop reading a book, go for it. Chances are you won't ruin her day by talking to her, and you have everything to gain by doing so. If she does get pissed off, f*** her.

Being a DJ means you play the odds. The more times you play, the more chance you have for success. Like I said, I'd gladly go through 100 terrible dates with 100 crappy girls to find a HB with a great personality.

 

[SheepSter]

I always find it funny that fear is associated alot with women. "Listen to your fears"...ok first know what fear is. It's an emotional feeling triggered by possible danger. In this context it can sometimes be wise to listen to fear. But approaching woman isn't dangerous, simply put you won't get fysically hurt. And with a strong frame mentally you're also untouchable, this however is a problem for most guys.

You think you have fear but this is an illusion of your own reality. True fear is only experienced on a fysical level and can get stronger if you're mentally attacked as well. What you have is not called fear it's called limitation. You are limited in your own beliefs, this is mostly caused by social conditioning of the present and past. I would recommend to get in a fight with a big guy, this way you will feel true fear and be liberated by your limited beliefs. Ofcourse the underlying base is that you should try to conquer your fears. This is why more approaching doesn't mean that you lose the fear, since it isn't there, you can't lose it. What you must do is create your own reality based on a strong frame, and the concept of approaching will not even be on your mind, you'll just do it. Watch Fight Club and look how people get liberated in their own mind because the lose all beliefs by facing fear. Find something you fear and challenge that fear, then and only then, you'll know what a wussy you truly are by not approaching women, it's a peace of cake.

 

[Jariel]

Watch Fight Club and look how people get liberated in their own mind because the lose all beliefs by facing fear.

Fight Club is a good example of what I'm talking about. Yeah, he loses his limitations and eliminates his fears, but he becomes a total loser!! In reality, anybody who gives up their home and job ends up wandering the streets scrounging for spare change. Fight Club is basically a glamorised version of Bum Fights.

The fear of losing everything motivates us to work and the fear of losing our job motivates us to work well. Fear prevents us from sinking below a certain level. Lack of fear tends to make people complacent and lazy.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

Originally posted by SheepSter
I would recommend to get in a fight with a big guy

ok now im sure this was spur of the moment, but getting in to fights to find out what fear is, well thats a bad idea.

Just do somthing dangerous that you fear, for example go camping on a high up mountain in the middle of no where in winter.

 

[blue17]

SheepSter I like what you say. I've always been a big fan of overcoming fears, no matter what faction of life. I challenge you guys to choose one fear you want to overcome everyday, and do it. You'll feel great inside, and other parts of life which you normally fear won't be nearly as bad.

I urge any of you to make a list of any fears you have, and everday to challenge them. Fears you didn't realize you had can pop up at a given situation as well.

Example: went to a friends house to play poker, and my 'friends' saw I was wearing some stylish shades to cover hide my eyes for the poker match (because some people can read your eyes if you are bluffing and what not). I'm a decent poker player, I like to have fun and joke around too but I like to win...I mean we are playing for money afterall. So a lot of people are ragging on me in a negative way...like "oh take those off, we're playing for fun." or "this isn't serious poker here." etc. I thought for a second about putting them away because everyone was telling me too. They weren't doing it in a positive way either...they were trying to make fun or me and make me see that what I was doing was wrong for some reason. I just thought "fvck this, I'm not gonna get rid of the shades just because they say so, I'm gonna do what I wanna do." The old me would've prolly put away the sunglasses, in order to appeal to everyone at the table. But I overcame peer pressure (a fear) and stood up for myself. Although that is a small little example, it gives you an idea of many of the fears we have that can control our lives. After I stood up for myself, I felt good inside knowing I didn't give in to something I didn't want to do.

 

[SheepSter]

Getting in a fight was an example to reach out for true fear, since I do martial arts, I'm in alot off situations were a moment of concentration lose will hurt bad. But indeed find your own fears. I'm basically saying fear is only in your mind, but to realise that you must challenge the concept.

Speaking of concepts Jariel you do not seem to grasp the theme of fightclub, labeling it as a glamorised version of bumfights is so wrong, because the fight is only the means to the goal. De-materialisation and social reconditioning are main concepts. In the book you'll get a clear view on these topics, since the movie was still dramatized.

Living with fear of losing your job or as you put it everything, makes us work well. Indeed every workaholic without a life has this frame. I belief that you work because you try to reach a goal, again the working is only the means by with it's done. You seem to focus on your fears, accept them, and build around them. But back on topic, just approach a HB without thinking and find out how easy it truly is.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

FEAR

- False
- Experiences
- Appearing
- Real