Life, Love & The Monogamy Trap

[Rollo Tomassi]

Read the subsequent posts after that response. Thank you.

 

[Sinistar]

Never heard a girl or a boy having mummy issues.

...keep reading then. Legions of men and women have had alcoholic mothers only to turn out f'd up royally (with or without a man present). The same goes for 1,000's of boys and girls being f'd up by mothers with psych problems every year.

(not meant to derail the thread but thought is should be pointed out).

Whoa! You have b*lls as big as church bells to admit that. It's inspiring to see you being a man but at the same time it makes one of the most highly regarded posters of this board not taking his own great advice (serious on it being great advice) look a little questionable. No offense, just a quick comment to your eye opening one word post.

PS - Make sure your wife doesn't read this thread

Maybe you're missing something. His wife does understand this stuff. Her desire doesn't just remain cranked because she knows he has options, it is also cranked because she knows he's fully aware of what those missed options mean to him.

 

[Franky Four Fingers]

Read the subsequent posts after that response. Thank you.

Whoops. My bad. Sorry dude.

 

[Luminescence]

I DO know that a lot of boys and girls have been fvcked up in the head by mothers with psych problem , I am one of them;

But I was referring to the abscence of a mother don' t seem fvck up that much the mental health of a kid than the father' s

that' s different, :nono:

and i have mainly in mind the fact that courts generally give the kids to a mother during a divorce thinking that it is more beneficial
than givin em the the dad.
it is not true,

It has been shown by studies that girls and boys ( obviously) benefit more with the masculine presense ( having a father and no mother) during their childhood and adolescence concerning the building of a healthy "psyche" , the improvement of behaviors and their mental skills and well being.
than what it would ' ve been with just having one mother and no father

of course it is better to have them both,

so keep reading

this has to pointed out

I think mothers have far more influence on the early (most important) years of psychological development ... that forms the base for every socially healthy person. The mother is very responsible for proper psychological development in infants and young children, because of this there are more things that can go wrong. A mother has much more potential to completely fvck someone up from the very beginning of their life .... and it happens all too often. Kids tend to develop a greater appreciation for their father (or lack there of) as they grow older .... He provides guidance in important decisions and courses of action. He helps guide them to final levels of maturity and teaches responsibility and common sense.

 

[guru1000]

A truly powerful Man jealously guards his most precious resources; his independence and his ability to maneuver. In other words his options and his ability to exercise them.

This applies in business as well. One should not look at immediate gratification but rather the options that may or may not develop in the future by executing his plan.

 

[iqqi]

^^ You'll probably be banned soon, but you raise interesting points.

Try to keep your posts to just a few, nix the random "ok hi" posts, and you might make it another month.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Do you agree with him, Iqqi?

 

[Warrior74]

Do you agree with him, Iqqi?

LOL. dude, you already know what it is, look at where and why she chimed in. shes read this whole thread and thats what she chose to comment on.

 

[iqqi]

*actually there are posts I wanted to delete cose too much blabla and didn't want waist time of readers with useless informations..... so I just put one line ( edit)

If I 'm banned for that, so be it

is that you who decide this ?

Nope, it is not. But if it looks like you are making a bunch of random posts and saying nothing in them, you could be considered a troll.

Do you agree with him, Iqqi?

If I did, I'd say so.

I just think he asked some interesting questions, and I'd be interested in where that discussion would go.

LOL. dude, you already know what it is, look at where and why she chimed in. shes read this whole thread and thats what she chose to comment on.

Actually I made a longer post on the top of the second page.

"lol, dude" look at what you are choosing to comment on.

 

[Warrior74]

Nope, it is not. But if it looks like you are making a bunch of random posts and saying nothing in them, you could be considered a troll.



If I did, I'd say so.

I just think he asked some interesting questions, and I'd be interested in where that discussion would go.



Actually I made a longer post on the top of the second page.

"lol, dude" look at what you are choosing to comment on.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

As I stated before, it's a trap in that any kind of commitment represents a loss of options. It's a progressive situation. I don't regret getting married, in fact I could argue that a healthy marriage offers unique experiences to mature from. To be a good strong, positively masculine father and husband can only be realized in a good marriage. However, for the guy getting his GF pregnant and marrying her at age 19, the trap is very real. Being monogamous in any fashion will limit a guy's options; and no, not just banging as many chicks as possible at his leisure, but career choices, educational choices, family decisions, etc.

I have a friend who's father got his mother pregnant at 20. He was 17 at the time and had a very bright future for a sports scholarship, but all that changed when he did the "right thing" and married his mother. Now, his father was no slouch, he never went to that college, but went to work to support him and his mother. Long story short, he spent his life "doing the right thing" and building up a lifetime of resentment for his son, and his now ex-wife. He experiences this pitiful father's fallout every time he communicates with him. But these were his decisions people will say, and they'd be right, but he was trapped. Could he have handled things differently? Of course, but as I stated, the trap is progressive - the trap isolates you, the trap necessitates that you self-regulate to remain in it.

You're free to do what you want, right? You can always quit a job, divorce a wife, change your school, etc., but how many men do you know who are what they are today as a result of their own real doing, unfettered by how their choices impact their GF, wife, kids, parents, etc.? How many guys do you know who dutifully stick with a dead-end job that's slowly killing them because it's better than dealing with the consequences and backlash it would have on his family? Are they free to quit? Sure, but not without an impact on their families and relationships.

^^ You'll probably be banned soon, but you raise interesting points.

Try to keep your posts to just a few, nix the random "ok hi" posts, and you might make it another month.

IQQI, go back to the van with your bourbon and pass out again, will you?

 

[Luminescence]

That is true, it has been observed that young born who didn't receive attention and affection by caregivers like nurses (so not necessarily by the mum but any feminine presence)
let themselves die.

So in the early stage it is vital.

As I said , it' s better to have both parents.
But again I have in mind the case of broken familly ( after a divorce or separation), the father is more " needed" because generally the phase of "affective nurturing" has already been fulfiled.
In other hand you could say after that early stage , any masculine presence could do the trick,
sometimes the education is made by a male relative, grandfather, uncles etc and it works fine.

Not to get too far off topic here, but I thought I'd mention our culture's tendency to assume that mothers are more caring and affectionate than fathers. A few studies seem to suggest that this assumption is complete bullsh!t.


http://mkg4583.wordpress.com/2009/09/01/mothers-abuse-children-3-times-more-than-dads-federal-hhs-statistics/