Life advice needed.

[xHiGHPoTeniaL]

Damn, if there was ever a time I needed some life advice its right now. Yea, this is sorta one of those posts. The real meat is at bottom but right now the worlds got me ****ed up and has chewed me up n spit me out. I just realized this yesterday, I really am at the lowest of all the low points in my life, and I've had alot of lows. Deeper and deeper I keep falling into this depressing cycle of doing absolutely nothing.

I recently had a lot of bad **** happen to me, most of it my own doing in some way or another. But even before these events, something was/is not right. I feel like a loser on the inside most of the time and that my life is ****ed. I believe that somewhere inside me is the ability to do great things, but when I think about my life I realize I have never done ANYTHING great(have had flashes of greatness tho 4 sure). I have gone to colleges(one really good one) for many semesters and have no degree of any kind whatsoever. I've traveled to alot of different places, but it's been so long that I've forgotten the joy it brought me. I have met So many great people but didn't keep in touch and have lost contact with most of them. I feel like I've been waiting to be happy my whole life. SHyt, lately everytime my phone rings I hope its this girl i used to mess with, just so I can feel alittle better about myself.

There is something very, very wrong here. I've already revealed some ugly personal details in this post. Things that, if it weren't for this computer screen separating us, I would never tell and prob. no one would think was true. And the worst of these is that I think I've given up. It's crazy to say it but at 25 years old I've thrown in the towel. Not sure how I got here, but I'm here and doesn't seem like I"m going anywere atm. I just had some of the craziest **** happen to me and I barely even give a ****. To quote an STP song, '..i'm livin like a mouse.." For example, the last week I've spent almost every waking hour in my room in my parents house. Thank god it has vaulted ceilings. To say I'm going alittle crazy may be an understatement but I do an amazing job of pretending I'm normal, even though total this week I spent less than 4-5 hrs outside this room. I just have had absolutely no desire to leave or do anything.

It sucks too because the weekend prior to this was pretty awesome. From Thursday to Monday I partied pretty hard, did so many different things, meet new friends, and had generally a great time (didnt hook-up with any girls though, alot of missed opportunities but I def was the life of the party at alot of points with total strangers basically, just didnt really approach anyone). I feel like that was all a lie tho with my life being such a wreck.

I would like to wake up and be excited about something. That would be great. Whether it be an upcoming vacation or plans with friends or a concert; SOMETHING!

Again there is something very, very wrong here. I was fired from this ****ty job I had about a month ago. This was my first time ever getting fired from anything. I could care less about the job as it had no future but still, it doesn't feel good getting canned and it really pisses me off how I let myself get railroaded by those *******s. But anyway, I thought I was gunna make this event a catalyst of sorts to get my life back in order. That has not panned out. The SOBs denied my employee benefits and I'm in the process of fighting it(prob wont win tho), but in the meantime I have no money coming in and am blowing this 1k or so I managed to save while working. I had planned on starting summer classes(pretty close to get my associates) this week while receiving unemployement which would have been awesome but not getting the unemployment ****ed that up. I now get this sick-to-my-stomach, angry feeling of now having going back and apply to places to get another **** job just like this last one. Not sure how many more of these ****ty, go nowhere jobs I cant take.

The most recent event is the most tragic. And that was destroying the most valuable(in SO many ways) thing I owned, my car. I find out Monday if its totaled(if so, i get $0 for it) but either way I ****ed this thing up so good it will never be the same, plus I will most likely be unable to afford its repair (maay be able to borrow money from rents, but my whole life is a loan right now). Writing this is very upsetting as it was in such good condition and very dear to me. I now have no way of getting around and public transportation here is a joke.

I come here somewhat often looking for advice about gaming and all that shyt, when really my life is in total shambles and I dont even give a ****?!. I avoid truly personal talk/chats at all cost about my life because of my complete and total embarrassment of how awful it really is. I'm about to be 26 next month, crashed and totaled my car last week so i dont have a car now, no job, no money coming in, no degree of any type, and absolutely no direction, and no skills either really unless u count driving a forklift.
When I was 20 years old, I had my own car(nice one too), paid my own insurance, had my own apartment(all mine, very rare where i live), made almost double what my last job(the one i got fired from) paid me, and I felt attrative. Girls could smell my confidence and rightly so. I know it does no good living in the past but I think back to this time and I realize on the inside I still wasn't all that happy, BUT NOW i would killl to go back to having that apartment because the life i'm living now is not good to say the least.

I'm currently so damn confused and conflicted every damn day, its like I'm trapped in quicksand. I have no idea what to do, where to go from here, wtf to do with my ****ed up life... I know this is a question I should be able to answer myself, but I cant! ok? i cant. This also may be too deep for this board but hey why not try right? there really isn't anyone else I can talk to unless I pay them lol, SO wtf do I do next? SHould I just get the **** outta here, move and start somewhere new? I have visions of this alot. THere isn't a damn thing holding me here except some friends. I mean I do like it here too, just can't take living at home with my parents anymore. I have 1k in the bank right now And thats IT. I have no job, no commitments, no real reason for staying here other than familiarity. The only thing about leaving is I do love this place and if I was happy and had money, there would be no reason to leave. Do i suck it up and just get some job like the last one? Making money i guess is better than sitting home and doing nothihg but I feel like "****! i'm wasting more time", just lost 9 months working in that place that fired me where i never got a raise or anything. Should I try and live off a student loan and go back to school fulltime? I've also thought about getting a job with a cruise line or moving to asia to teach english. These are just some of the one million things floating around in my head.. help.



So my question is a simple one, where the **** do I start. I've seen posts about making life lists of some sort(like 100 good/bad things), does anyone know where I can find that or maybe just tell me what it is. I doubt anyone can help with ALL of this but just some words of wisdom or SOMETHING here can't hurt.
(and i actually deleted alot of this shyt because it was insanly long, but thnx for reading if u did)

 

[Kailex]

You're only 25. You still have YEARS ahead of you.
If you feel like you need material things in order to describe your self-worth, you are doing it wrong.

But, since you insist... just remember, it's always darkest before the dawn. You might think you are at your lowest, well, there's good news... if you can't go any lower, it means you can only go UP.

I'd suggest looking for a job first and then going from there. Take the logical steps. Just remember that you can only stop feeling like this, if you DO something about it.

DO SOMETHING.

I don't want to see you typing any more of this nonsense. Let this lowest point, be the last lowest point you have. The only way complaining is valid is when you WANT to do something about it. If not, then you are no different than the fat person who complains about never losing weight and then ordering 3 Happy Meals at McDonalds with a sundae and an apple pie.

Whenever something like this happens to me, I just remember the day I called my sister, simply because I was at an all-time low. I told her how I had had one of the worst days ever. She listened to me rant and rave for about 15 minutes. Then, my sister, the doctor said to me this:

"You think you had a terrible day? I just had to tell a patient for my first time ever, that she as 4 weeks to live. She had no family present, no friends with her. She cried on my shoulder as I tried to fight back my own tears. Do you think she wouldn't trade you problems for yours in a heartbeat?"

Ever since then, I NEVER complain. If there is something you can deal with and you can change... CHANGE IT. Just don't sit there idly, DO something about it.

Chin up. You're still young enough to turn it around.

 

[Reckoning]

I've read your whole post and I can tell you that my older brother was in a fairly similar situation, jobless, uninspired and basically he lost the will to live.

Now he has a great girl, they're engaged, the two have a place to live and they're well on their way to having a family. He also got a job he absolutely loves. I'm not trying to tell you how someone else succeeded and you should too. I have to say that, despite him being my brother, he is lazy, half way crazy, had a ****ty childhood and was in a lot of dark places in his life before.

And look where he is now. If he did it, I'm sure you can do the same. Make friends, find a part-time job, anything. You are in the best years of your life, you have no time to waste on giving up like this. You are a success, just by coming here and trying to find motivation, you show will that you want to be better. But these posts people will write here won't be your helping hand, you have to help yourself. Just like everybody else.

 

[xHiGHPoTeniaL]

Thanks alot for the words fellas. Im def not proud of how i've handled all this shyt up till now and ur both def right, its all on me. I already know this should be the best time of life, i guess i hafta just start acting like it.

I still have no clue where i'm goin or what i'm doin but for today, i tried to at least get some shyt done; worked out, worked on fighting for my unemployment benefits (not looking good tho, find out next week if i won), returned some clothes, and tomorrow i will find out for sure if my car is fixable(pls be!) and if it is, how much. I also browsed the help wanted's/careerbuilder.

I'm just wondering now like, where does gaming and girls and all that fit into my life right now? I mean i can't really bring chicks to my house still n having no whip is rough, but like am I supposed to just forget about girls for right now or something? With new girls, i guess i could lie to a certain point. but i've been avoiding certain friends n chicks i chill with because i dont wanna hafta go thru the whole story of my recent shyt.

plus i'm supposed to go to atlantic city this wkend, something planned a long time ago. i'm broke n all that, but guessing I should just try to make the best of it?

 

[Reckoning]

Don't go for chicks right now, they won't make you happy if you aren't happy on your own. When they become your only source of misfortune and unhappiness, then you should burden yourself with the whole dating thing. For now just focus on setting yourself on the right track again, see the beauty in every passing day and everything will come on it's own. It's all about your disposition.

 

[ThePrize]

I recommend this site:

www.stevepavlina.com (I'm not advertising my own blog or anything here)

All it's material is free like this site, but it's about changing your life for the better in general. It contains hundreds of articles and has helped me a lot over the years.

Know that changing your life is not a quik fix. It is hard and it will take a long time.

Good luck!