Letting your gf vent. Good or bad?

[disgustipated]

Situation is this. 2 dates so far, really good.connection. I hardly ever iniate Texting and I try to keep responses to a minimum....I call once a week to set up a date for the weekend. Then 1 confirmation follow up.call, the day of. Never longer than 15 minutes. Haven't added her on FB either. Im really digging this girl.

Other night I'm calling to setup our 3rd date, no.answer. Odd for her, she always answers on the first ring. An hour later she texts me saying day from hell, wants to hear my voice call her. So I do. She proceeds to tell me about a bad day...I'm trying to be supportive by just listening. Is this.wise or no? Is this setting me up to be friended or someone she just unloaded on? Should I.nip this in the bud if im trying to maintain a solid.frame possibly moving forward into a LTR? Is this detrimental to frame this early?

For those guys that don't allow their women to vent...how do u do it? Come right out and say it and opt out, or do you just change subjects or bail on the conversation?

I wanna be supportive but not at the expense of the health of a possible relationship. I know I never vent my daily frustrations onto my gfs any more. It only took one of my exes to tell me I whined a lot about my day for me to stop. And this fits in with what Rollo says about men kinda wanting that maternal unconditional love from his woman...but them not being capable of giving that type.of love. So then, what is the flip side of that?

 

[SecondHalf]

She just needs a bit of training.

You don't want to give her the "talk to the hand" right off the bat, it works both ways.
What you do want to do is set a short timer in your head where your attention span leaves certain conversations.
She'll be trained to get to the point, get an opinion and not expect you to remain attentive while listening to her think herself through her ... issues for hours on end.

Very important!

I've heard many married women roll their eyes at their husband's attention span. Never is it over a few minutes. Most of these women have been married for over 20 years and are smiling when they roll their eyes!

SH

 

[user43770]

I don't see anything wrong with it, as long as you're stoic.

 

[Atom Smasher]

She wants to bond with you so let this one ride. You will need to carefully train her to limit her venting though.

Gilrs are constantly saying they don't want us to offer solutions, that they just want to be "heard" and understood. God, how they love to wallow in their issues!!!!!!!

In my experience, the best thing is to listen but then gently steer her to finalizing the wallowing. In this particular case, give her a free pass but in the future do not allow her to be conditioned to verbally vomit on you every time she has issues.

This takes a delicate yet firm touch. Do not become a trash receptacle, but still offer a supportive ear once in a while. Every couple is different so its very hard to formularize this subject. My advice is simply guidelines.

In this case, though, it has worked to your advantage because she used it to bond with you. It sounds like you played your hand very well.

Part of dealing with a woman is demonstrating and teaching her balance.

 

[scrouds]

Solid advice, although I tend to "miss" texts from people when I know there's a ***** session in the works.

I just tend to cut it off after I start getting agitated from the insessant droning about an issue. There's only so much I can take before it effects my mood, and I cut it off before it gets to that point. Probably best not to do it harshly and come off as a total ashole, but I tend to be a bit rough around the edges and don't always use enough tact. Whether that's a feature or a bug remains to be seen.

 

[disgustipated]

She ended up Texting me back regarding that call, saying how she loved that I lent her vent without offering up.a solution to her problems...that was a conscious decision. The whole way I been playing this one a particular way....same text she says, " I don't know what you're doing,.but DON'T STOP!"

There's one thing that's.not congruent however. We've had sex just once and I don't see her making that extra effort to get alone time for us. She has a kid...convient built in excuse to make.me feel like I'm.being pushy if I were indeed to push the issue. It's really a bummer too, this girl has everything I want in a female. Sex is good even. Maybe something for a new thread.

 

[Warrior74]

She ended up Texting me back regarding that call, saying how she loved that I lent her vent without offering up.a solution to her problems...that was a conscious decision. The whole way I been playing this one a particular way....same text she says, " I don't know what you're doing,.but DON'T STOP!"

There's one thing that's.not congruent however. We've had sex just once and I don't see her making that extra effort to get alone time for us. She has a kid...convient built in excuse to make.me feel like I'm.being pushy if I were indeed to push the issue. It's really a bummer too, this girl has everything I want in a female. Sex is good even. Maybe something for a new thread.

sounds like you need plates.

 

[disgustipated]

Im giving this one a shot. I was damned near so close on breaking it off if no affection this weekend....no oneitis here. Then, out of nowhere, she starts Texting about what she wants to do to me this weekend. If the actions don't match her words when I lead her that way then shell get demoted to plate status.