Letting her come to you vs. men controlling the relationship

[lover4721]

A woman I am dating had said I control the relationship because she is afraid I'll leave, and when I let her initiate communication FIRST, it somehow feels like I have the power. It feels like I'm always a step ahead of her.

However -- it seems to me that she is starting to even ask for dates. She asked around Tuesday, to go out on Saturday, and I said NO.

She got a little pissed saying she has a different mindset from me, etc., maybe it isn't our time.

She always initiates communication first, and yeah.

So I feel like she has been chasing me for a while and I am kind of addicted to it... not addicted, but I don't know when to control the relationship and communication.

I feel like she needs someone to take control. She was watching a movie, and she said movies and books make her feel this weird way... She said because it gets her out of the negative mindset.

I feel like it's the way that she doesn't have to worry about the movie, and what to think.

She is a compulsive thinker.

I want to take control, but I'm not sure how to also keep her chasing me while I pursue her?

 

[BrainDamage92]

Ye I know that feel, when a woman truely loves you, but clinging in the long run becomes a pain in the ass so...

Like:
Phase 1:"Omg she loves me so much"
Phase 2: "Oh god shes clingy isnt she, its annoying"
Phase 3: she: "Sometimes I feel like you dont love me" "Sometimes I feel were just roommates"...
Phase 4: *relationship starts deteriorating*

Also her chasing you does not mean youre not in control - its quite the oposite. It means she needs you more than you need her so youre in control. But you used the word "addicted" this is bad really bad, couse I know the feel.

Idk man. Be happy with what you have but never let your guard down and let her chase you it feels good doesnt it? Well if it stops feeling good always break it off its my advice dont waste time on something thats not working for you only for the easy sex.

Ofc Im cynical but life made me this way, I really hope you 2 are happy.

 

[lover4721]

I didn't mean her chasing me, made me feel like I'm in control. I don't know why I typed it haha but I guess I wanted to keep it.

I'm just unsure when to take control, etc.

I'm unsure of what she needs...

She says this is intimidating, overwhelming, but then it feels like she needs it.

Wow I'm not even sure why I even made this thread.
I had a better question but I guess I forgot it.

I don't want to come on too strong, I want to give her what she needs, take control, but it doesn't seem to go very far.


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[lover4721]

I want to lead her, but how do I know enough is enough?

We are not supposed to come on too strong, and invest a lot into our dates.

So it's just confusing on what to do, and when to stop pursuing and allow her to miss me.

 

[lover4721]

Just do what I do....

Reframe this into a FB relationship and text her when you want to fvck.

Drop all the emotions.

That probably wouldn't work for her because of reasons lol.

I'm not sure if she is interested in that.

We get along great, same sex drive and style, etc...
I'd be interested in moving it further but she is SO complicated. She doesn't show many emotions.

I just don't know when to stop pursuing her.