Let's talk failures

[Merris]

Something I think should be covered in a thread is failures. Rejections, bland dates, weird incidents with chicks, whatever you consider to be a failure. If you're not sure if it was a failure, it usually is.

I'll start.

Yesterday I was returning after being out of town and this Russian chick had asked me if "I'll invite her anywhere". I felt like I needed a drink after the 4 hour train trip, so I told her that I'll go for drinks at 8, my place and that she should join. Took a quick shower, made myself presentable and we had vodkas. Went to a bar after that.

Point is, there was constant "comfortable" kino. While we were sitting at my place, she didn't shy away from touch and did a lot of comfortable touching her self. The same happened during our walk to the bar; brushing arms, her laying her hand on my shoulder while laughin/talking, you get the picture. In the bar, it was the same thing and when we returned to my place, the same continued, but it never really went beyond comfortable except towards the very end. Unfortunately we both had stuff to do early in the morning so I had to cut it short. She's coming over for dinner(I'm a very good cook) on Friday.

Where I failed, I think, is escalation. Afterwards I realized that I should have been a bit more forward with kino, especially after we came to my place for one more drink. What slowed me down, I think, was the atmosphere of comfort that only started to feel mildly sexual towards the very end and the fact that I never actually considered this a date. I just wanted a drink.

Where I can fix this, I think, is the dinner on Friday. I do consider her quite attractive and banging her would be fun. All is not lost yet, so I'll see if I manage to do better next time.

And no, usually I don't analyze things like this, but this was an interesting case since a week ago we were at the same bar, had a rather sexual dance with lots of grinding, her scratching my back under my shirt, biting my shoulders and putting my hands on her ass and stomach etc. and still I didn't consider this anything like a date. Maybe I should have. :crackup:

Thoughts? Own failures?

 

[Weezzyy]

Why is this a failure if you just wanted to have drinks and a good time? You had fun, so it's not a failure. Now friday you are outcome dependant, and if you don't close her, it will be a failure of your goals.

 

[Merris]

Why is this a failure if you just wanted to have drinks and a good time? You had fun, so it's not a failure. Now friday you are outcome dependant, and if you don't close her, it will be a failure of your goals.

Hm, never thought of it that way. Maybe it's because afterwards I realized that I missed a chance I didn't want to take because I was not interested enough(as in, I felt outcome dependant after the fact). I'm still not completely sold on Friday, I might rather enjoy my food with some light flirting than focus on getting in her pants. Maybe I'll just test the ice a bit as a sideshow and see how it turns out. Good food and wine DOES sometimes beat getting laid, especially if the latter requires a disproportionate amount of effort.

 

[Weezzyy]

Thats the right mindset to have everytime! Don't forget you are out to have fun and closing is just the bonus. good luck

 

[expos]

Lots of attention from girls I'm not attracted to. Very little attention from girls I'm into. This how it always works.

I escalate/kino on most girls I'm into, and they are into it and become receptive. I can usually get a kiss close on most first dates.

Then....nothing. I've read what to text, when to text, when to call, etc. I'd like to keep a woman around for more than one week.

I'm wondering if it would be best to not kino on first dates and have them wonder why I'm not making any moves. But then again, I would never get the kiss.

And it's not like I'm going full blown beta/AFC. They just seem to disappear.

One thing I'm not failing at is nexting and NC. I've been incredibly good about not text bombing any girls with lower interest. In order to not get the urge, I will sometimes leave my phone at home when I go out, or in my car while I'm at work. Over time, my interest in them drops and it helps me move on.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

@expos Funny enough, I actually talk about the whole touching/kino thing in one of my previous podcast (hear the full thing HERE). In short, most people have the whole "kino" thing wrong. You actually want to NOT touch a girl on the first date until she touches YOU first, whether it's a touch to the arm while she's telling you a story, or her messing with your hair or walking close to you. That way, you KNOW she's receptive to the touch and won't be creeped out by it vs. you just touching away without her permission. Sure, she might not say anything to you about it 'cause girls tend to be passive aggressive... but if they're not going on second dates with you, this is part of the reason why: you're making them uncomfortable by touching them too soon.

Amazingly, you will find that you'll actually get MORE dates that end in kissing if you don't touch her too soon. Touching her too soon indicates to her that you only want her for sex, whereas holding back a bit until she touches you makes HER be the one to open up the whole touch thing, which makes her more relaxed when you go in for the kiss. Don't know why it works that way, but I really don't care - I just know the results I get from not touching girls so much on first dates is that I'm sleeping with them by the second one