Let's Talk Even MORE about Cold Approaches

[Pecker]

I live in a partying college town. For most of this year my best hope to get any action was to hook up with a drunk girl at a kegger.

Obviously I've grown tired of having little/no opportunity for success; I never talked to any girls during the day or in class I always thought I'd get lucky...literally...and by chance there'd be a girl a) attracted enough and b) intoxicated enough to start getting physical with me, a stranger, at a party on a Friday or Saturday. I'd get all dressed up and hopeful for the weekend, then get disappointed enough to last me through the week. Needless to say I realized my powerlessness in such a scenario.

Also, the party scene is an uneven playing ground. Girls chose the best looking guys because they have nothing else to go by. A guy can't work a girl's IL with personality because so many of the girls also put up HUGE b1tch shields, act immediately disgusted and make a guy feel sleazy and dirty just for striking up a conversation (something girls are GREAT at, one of the biggest weapons of their arsenal.)

So I realized the solution was to get good at cold approaching in non-pickup situations. I'm intensively practicing now that it's summer. I realize that getting better at the generic mall/street cold approach will not only boost my confidence, but improve my technical skill with conversation maintenance and also make me better in the pickup/party scene.

To anyone SERIOUS and really DEDICATED to getting better at making cold approaches, here is a chance to talk about it. I'll be posting my experiences soon.

I'd specifically like to hear:

Your worst failures

Your best successes

The biggest irony (ie, a girl you thought had NO interest whatsoever, then you call her and she invites you over to fvck...this is silly, I know, but some less extreme variation)

How you overcame the initial fear.

But if you have anything else to say on the subject, feel free. This post is for DOers, not talkers.

 

[K56Connect]

Since you only want doers instead of talkers to respond, you're only going to get about 3 people from this forum to reply.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Originally posted by Pecker

I'd specifically like to hear:

Your worst failures

Your best successes

Worst failure- Had a girl at a party give me a fake number. The funny thing about it is I saw the same girl again at another party a few weeks later and i ignored her. She started up a conversation and was acting all interested. My god these dumb *****es sure can give out some mixed signals.

 

[Guitar_Whizz]

I have been working on cold approaches since last year and I have had lots of successes and failures. Bear in mind I live in the UK, so I have a much harder task.

My worst failure was probably when I approached a girl in a bar and she started laughing and said 'I'm married'. I felt so embarrassed, but hey I learned how to handle rejection.

One of my best successes was when I got the number of a girl at a bus stop. My opening line was 'excuse me, do you know if the bus to (my town) stops here?'. I was expecting her to give me a closed off short answer, but to my surprise she was really friendly and she showed me to the bus station where my bus stopped. We ended up talking, having coffee and exchanging numbers there and then. We met up a week later, but not much happened because she was way more immature than I first thought. But nevertheless it was quite a success for a cold approach.

I've had several ironies.....sometimes a girl will be giving me eye contact or whistling at me etc, but when I approach she will act cold and *****y. Now that does NOT make sense, but I guess sometimes girls like to be nasty like this. In fact this very thing happened in Mcdondalds yesterday.

How I overcame the initial fear is a hard question to answer because often my fear will go down, then if I don't keep up the approaches my fear will come back a bit. The biggest key I think is to NEVER HESITATE when doing approaches, as you never give the fear a chance to ruin you then.
I remember last year when I was starting all this off and I kept thinking things like 'either I approach and get this sorted out now, or I stay like this for the rest of my life, which will it be?' The thought of living in fear of girls for the rest of my live sucked badly, so the obvious action was to conquer it.

In my experience you need to try out different places where you can do cold pickups. I have tried libraries, parks, bus, bus stop, eating places (eg mcd's, starbucks), train/train station, street, shops etc. They're all feasable but to varying degrees of success.

Prepare a few conversation openers for each situation, get out there, don't hesitate and start talking to girls. Try to close in each situation. Even if you get rejected, you will feel good because you conquered the damn fear of approaching.

If you need any more answers please ask, but you will get a lot of answers by getting out and learning from your own experiences.

 

[b-ceezy]

im glad someone started a post like this! see, i have no problem talking to girls that are in class with me or involved in some activity that im in. but i am so scared to approach a girl when im out by myself. i think my main problem is not knowing what to talk about, and how long to talk before asking for the number. after I say "excuse me, whats your name?" what do i say after that? what can build enough rapport to make her feel comfortable to give me her number?

 

[Guitar_Whizz]

Originally posted by b-ceezy
i think my main problem is not knowing what to talk about, and how long to talk before asking for the number. after I say "excuse me, whats your name?" what do i say after that? what can build enough rapport to make her feel comfortable to give me her number?

Well there's lots of things you can talk about. If she's out and about in town you could ask 'so what are you up to today' and use her respoonse to continue the conversation. You can ask where she lives, how old she is, what she likes to do for fun, is she single, etc. To make her feel comfortable around you, you need relaxed body language, fun/lighthearted style of conversation and to basically be a man and lead the conversation to close.
As i said though, you need to prepare openers for each situation.....'Hi what's your name' is something I'd say AFTER I had broken the ice personally, but you can try it as it may work better in the USA.
If you want conversation oipeners for each scenario, just ask as I personally have many.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Guitar_Whizz

I've always heard "hi" followed by a comment/observation, followed by a question. Not always easy to think about when you're "on the spot," but just find something.

After that, listen to what she has to say for clues on what to talk about. If she doesn't feed you anything to work with, excuse yourself and make your way to the next girl...maybe she'll be more interesting.

 

[supertrooper]

Originally posted by Guitar_Whizz
If you want conversation oipeners for each scenario, just ask as I personally have many.

I am also having trouble on openers on different situations. What are ur personal openers that u use?

 

[ApocalypseCow]

Originally posted by supertrooper
I am also having trouble on openers on different situations. What are ur personal openers that u use?

I usually ask, "Hi, do you go to school around here?" or "Hi, do you go to the gym around here?" The secone is great, because:

A) You are subtley giving them a compliment WITHOUT kissing their ass
B) Most girls like to talk about how they improve themselves
C) It's a great opener with hot chicks.

 

[FlyGuy]

This is my next goal... to get good at cold approaches!! I've already gotten pretty good at striking up convo's but I haven't gone for the number closes yet because I wanted to focus on losing the fear and increasing my convo skills.

Seems to me the opener doesn't matter too much, its more about your body language and how you say it. Most of the time I use something relavent to the situation. If you're in a club or bar and there's a band playing you can ask about the band, what time they are playing, and take it from there. Most of the time actually I think its good to ask about something - what time it is, or when the bus/train arrives, anything really. Don't make it more difficult than it really is. Even a simple "Hi" will work to start up a convo Once you break the ice just ask about the normal stuff as someone already suggested. Her name, where she's from, where she works or goes to school, and use the conversation techniques outlined in the DJ Bible. Throw in some humor if possible but don't overdo it.

IMO starting convos is easy... asking for the number is the tough part.

 

[Pecker]

I agree with you, Flyguy, in that I don't think it really matters what opener you use. Words communicate much less than facial expression or posture or how you carry yourself (confidence).

The biggest thing that keeps guys from working on their cold approaching game is the feeling of shame attached to the idea. If you were proud of the fact that you're out to do cold approaches, you'd enjoy the outing much more.

Women really want to keep men in the dark about the finer mechanics of the love and dating game. They want to keep us stupid and clueless. If it came up in conversation that you went to a mall to approach women and try to get their phone numbers, most women would laugh in your face. And most men...at least the brainwashed ones...would too.

I don't know why this is. In order to be successful with cold approaching, you need a fair amount of encouragement, just like anything else. It's hard to keep up when you're new at it and e first girl you approach thinks you're the slime of the earth just because you tried to talk to her.

Cold approaching also gives you a pretty broad study (no pun intended) of the female species. Within twenty minutes you can get polar responses to the SAME approach. To me this idea is rather encouraging.

Flyguy, I don't think asking for the number is tough at all. I almost don't agree with David D or Ross or even some of the Bible articles that say "assume the sale." Let's face it, she knows why you talked to her if it's cold approach. She knows you want the pvssy, so just have good game and you'll get it. I think if you had a good interaction with a girl and made her laugh you can say something like "can i get your number?" and it'll still be okay.

 

[FlyGuy]

You're right, women know that you aren't just making idle conversation. The reason I *personally* find it hard to go for the number (for now...) is because I still fear rejection. Working on that...

 

[Walden]

I think cold approaches are an important part od DJing.
I've been doing Boot Camp for a few weeks and I'm at the stage now where I'm still hesitant at cold approaches , but I'll now quite happily start a convo with a woman who for whatever reason happens to be in the same room as me.

Pecker , you nailed it on that last post too. I liked that.

Squirrels also hit it on the head;

I've always heard "hi" followed by a comment/observation, followed by a question. Not always easy to think about when you're "on the spot," but just find something.

 

[Ol'BlueEyes]

a stall for time

If you're ever at a loss for words, just ask:
"So, what do you think?"

Either she'll say what she thinks about anything or she'll ask, "about what?" Gives you extra time to think of something, anything.

 

[Jay26]

Personally I think the number close isn't that bad, I mean once you're talking ya talking, the initial approach I still find somewhat taunting at times, you so just gotta not think, not think, not think otherwise you'll freeze, at least for me.