"lets play it by ear :) " i just got via text...

[swoody]

So this girl and I met a while ago, as two goodlooking girls getting out from a club when my boy started talking to them. One thing let to another and we are back at the girls place being thanked ro giving them a ride home. So I start to date this girl who is RAD as hell and very intune with her inner sex-goddess. Very mature, smart girl. Her views on relationships or dating is "play it by ear", "see what happens", etc. We both had great times, bj's and going down were a nightly occurance, and then one date seemed a little awkward- an ill-omen of things to come as far as me spending too much money, and she was hinting that she wanted me to spend money on sports games, etc... so I put the paranoia hat on and put the man foot down said I don't think this is working. I say, I genuinely like you and your a blast to hang out with I don't see this going anywhere... she didn't want a realionship as I didn't either, so we just decided to remain freinds. With benifits if we are both drunk (she called me up a month ago drunk saying how horny she was and wanted me to come over..I declined for her sake ( I'm not the dude from Self Esteem by the Offspring) so its been quite a while since then, but the girl still seems to want me around.

I took her out tonight, we didn't skip a BEAT, great date from start, coast and finish was way fun. Talked about everything (couldn't even finish food we talked so much), sexual inuendos thrown in (by HER), and left it a gentlenly way. She seemed pretty self-concious on the date, telling me she'd put on weight and wants me to help her with that (I'm a personal trainer) was worried about an internship tomorrow... kinda showing her vulnerable side to me abit. Texting home I asked, "so I was thinking we should start chillin again. We haven't missed a beat and both genually enjoy each others company... she texts "we'll play it by ear " which is pretty much what she said when I met her.

The question is, how to I precieve this? How fast/slow should I go? I have some good Ideas myself, but I'm a dude, and if I try to make sense out of these thoughts all by myself, Ill end up building a tool shed. So just wanted a little input from the board since I'm a NEWB....(thank you for reading my novel), WHAT THE F%&* does play it by ear mean??? like, Family Guy ear sex? (ps I have an idea of what she means, I just need someone to reiterate it for me...)

 

[swoody]

Bump

 

[Igetit!]

Texting home I asked, "so I was thinking we should start chillin again. We haven't missed a beat and both genually enjoy each others company... she texts "we'll play it by ear " which is pretty much what she said when I met her.

Ok,you see the part I put in bold? That's where you screwed up at.


You telling her that you think that you and her should "start chillin again" was basically you asking her for MORE.

That's dangerous. If a girl starts to think that she has you won over emotionally,in a sense,it's kinda game over.


Whenever a guy expresses how he feels to a girl,ESPECIALLY when they're not even in a relationship,her attraction takes a hit.


Instead of verbalizing your desire for the two of you starting to hang out more,you shouldn't have said anything and just continued doing it.


After the date was over,you should have just went on about your business,and maybe call her up after 2 or 3 days to hang out again.



Now because of what you said to her,she probably thinks you're more invested in her than she is in you. So don't be surprised if all of the sudden she starts not taking your calls,returning your text,or flaking on you if you do make plans with her.

The question is, how to I precieve this? How fast/slow should I go?

"Play it by ear" is a BAD THING to hear from a girl.

It means she's in control. It means that you're sitting there waiting ON HER to give you the green light.


And that shouldn't be.


At this point all you can do is back off. Pull back for a few days (at least 3),then contact her again asking her to hang out.


Be sure to flirt with her and get some attraction going FIRST,then ask her out.


And for pete's sake,DON'T SAY ANYTHING about "wanting more" from her or wanting to spend time together.


Just simply ask her out.

 

[swoody]

Thanks Igetit!. Damn... hopefully not another case of putting my foot in my mouth with a good thing going. The thing is, she's always said things like that when it comes to hanging out... that or "lets just wing it, lets just see what happens," etc. and it usually ends up positively in my favor. Hopefully that's all she meant by it, cause this girl is chill... plus she gives a KILLER bj.
I'm definitely holding back for a few days... and dude, very wise words about not "asking" for more. Never thought of it that way... automatically gives them the upper-hand from something as harmless as a "we should do this more often!"
She's never really been one to not return texts or calls, so we'll see what happens in 3-4 days.

 

[Ease]

Shes getting the upper hand by saying things like that.

Its an annoying thing when the girl makes power plays like that. It's like a girl trying to plan a date for you two, pisses me off.

Dont listen to her nonsense about this and that. Everything a girl tells you is riddled with games and manipulation. 'I dont want a relationship', what is she talking about? Of course she wants a relationship, wants to find her soulmate and all that. Every girl talks crap, dying alone is her biggest fear. She's just saying that to make you chase her. 'Lets play it by ear', more crap.

Just ask her out on dates and do what you want with her. The best thing to reply to one of those stupid comments is 'slow down lets not move too fast'. It's obvious to see when a girl is gaming you once you look carefully. All the jealousy ploys, aloof behaviour. Take tips and do it back, its the only way to stay sane.

 

[swoody]

Thanks for the help fellas... lemme kinda introduce a little of my background on here... 28, personal trainer, reasonably good looking guy who never had problems getting women (its KEEPING them and not letting my raging anxiety get the best of me thats the trick) in fact a lot of times they initiate things... which is actually bad, cause I've become lazy as #$%& and nutless in the process... divorced and in no hurry to settle down... at least with the big M word. My problem is I've always had confidence issues, wear my heart (or ****, depending on which night) on my sleeve and think way too much about stupid ****. Most of the time I play right into the manipulations... some of the time I weezel my way out and come out on top, a lot of times I'm left cursing hindsight. I've read the books (the game, mystery method, etc) and they kinda help, but I'm thinking a forum would do me more good at this point to get real world perspectives with my problems, and hopefully I can offer a little insight of my own (at least for the first few steps of the process till you get them in bed, but keeping them around? Not so much...

All I want is to be able to think clearly under pressure and not loose my nerve and pass someone by who is truely amazing. So there ya go... thats me.