"Let's get coffee on Thursday." "Is this a friendly coffee?"

[starfishandcoffee]

pretty straightforward question, there. "Are you gonna be my gay best friend, or are you gonna try to do it with me?" I've noticed better looking women often throw this one out at me.

What do I even say to it? I usually lie, say "yes" and then proceed as I usually would. but I'd like a craftier response.

 

[JohnChops]

pretty straightforward question, there. "Are you gonna be my gay best friend, or are you gonna try to do it with me?" I've noticed better looking women often throw this one out at me.

What do I even say to it? I usually lie, say "yes" and then proceed as I usually would. but I'd like a craftier response.

Simple test. I would say "woah you're moving to quickly, friends already?" Or something along those lines to disarm that queation. Then id go on the date and kino and usual stuff to make it obvious you dont want to be just her gay best friend.

 

[Uncharted]

I would ignore it. Something like:

Me: Coffee Thursday.
HB: Is this a friendly coffee (tee-hee)?
Me: 7PM weirdo

 

[starfishandcoffee]

I ended up shooting this back:

"LOL. As opposed to a hostile coffee? "

 

[BeDJ]

I ended up shooting this back:

"LOL. As opposed to a hostile coffee? "

Ask yourself,

Did this text bring me closer to getting laid?

 

[DragonBlood]

I ended up shooting this back:

"LOL. As opposed to a hostile coffee? "

Why are you arguing with her over text? Got something to prove? Are you this hostile in person? Should I really meet up with this guy? He seems sensitive/stressed. You have over thought it and fell into her obvious baiting perfectly. Now you have to wait for her to respond/ignore and the time has yet to be finalised after all this back and forth.... This convo could get awkward quickly. Ignore the BS and proceed as normal.


"Is this a friendly coffee?"

"Yeah I like coffee. See you at 7"

 

[starfishandcoffee]

Ask yourself,

Did this text bring me closer to getting laid?

In person, what I texted would have not come across as hostile. I forget that texting differs, and I should not have sent that.

Why are you arguing with her over text? Got something to prove? Are you this hostile in person? Should I really meet up with this guy? He seems sensitive/stressed. Now you have to wait for her to respond/ignore and the time has yet to been finalised after all this back and forth.... This convo could get awkward quickly. Ignore the BS and proceed as normal.


"Is this a friendly coffee?"

"Yeah I like coffee. See you at 7"

I've lately been adamant about not sending the wrong intention. This has made things move fast with girls who don't play games (*****s), but it has in some ways made things worse. I try to make a mountain out of a molehill when it comes to texting and forget that social cues are different.

I shortly afterward also sent a second message to distract from the first (pretty close to what you told me):

"Anyway, sounds good. see you at 9."

We'll see what happens.

 

[DragonBlood]

Yep good recovery you blew off the question like a pro.

The main issue with not finalising the time quickly is it puts you into chase mode i.e. two texts in a row without response.... ! Even worse if she responded with something indifferent and b!tchy lol. Yeah dont over think it your doing fine.

 

[starfishandcoffee]

Yep good recovery you blew off the question like a pro.

The main issue with not finalising the time quickly is it puts you into chase mode i.e. two texts in a row without response.... ! Even worse if she responded with something indifferent and b!tchy lol. Yeah dont over think it your doing fine.

After the second text was sent, I got this:

"You know EXACTLY what I mean, mister. and I'll be on campus."

playful. I like.

and I've got to watch my texting in the future...whew...

 

[RedZone]

If you don't like what's being said, change the conversation.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Why would an interested girl ask that kind of stupid question in the first place?

The only possible answer is a sh1t test. But to be honest, I think the term "sh1t test" is grossly overused. The girl is either interested or not. Too many times guys interpret a lack of interest as a sh1t test.

You can be "suave" and craft whatever witty response you want to brush off the question, but you can't brush off the lack of interest.

Any time I have gotten that sort of stupid question from a girl, the relationship went nowhere. Just saying.

Based on my own experience, I would just go NC and move on to other girls.

So basically, I take that question as soft rejection. It is not much different from "I have a bf" or "LJBF" or "I'm not ready to date" ETC ETC ETC.

Anyone care to chime in on their own experiences with that sort of question?

 

[Darkwolf32]

If you don't like what's being said, change the conversation.

Yeah, change to starfish topic instead

 

[starfishandcoffee]

update...kind of anticlimactic, but I decided to take TillTheEndOfTime's advice this morning when I realized that I wasn't really too excited to see this girl. Why? I can tell when a girl's not interested. Trying to get a date out of her was me grabbing at a straw after two bad dates last week.

when I number closed her in the library during exam study, she gave me the same drill she gave over text: "when we meet, it'll be friendly...right"? As in, nixing any thought in my head of getting jiggy with her. My roommate even said "Uh...dude, she friendzoned you" when I brought it up.

I have no plans tonight, but what I come up with will be better than hanging out with a girl who's trying to reject me every 3 seconds.

 

[plate's_empty]

I would ignore it. Something like:

Me: Coffee Thursday.
HB: Is this a friendly coffee (tee-hee)?
Me: 7PM weirdo

^^^This.

I always take questions like that as an opportunity. If they say something boring then it's no fun.

If she throws something at you and you knock it back in her face. You're one point ahead



EDIT: see this recent thread about friendzoning. And, dude, when she brings up the friends thing, just go along with it. Not sure how you handled it but don't get all puppy doggy and butt hurt.

DATING IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. Some of you guys, like the comment below, need to chill out. To a "Don Juan" it's so easy to turn something like this in your favor.

 

[Zarky]

Wow, I wouldn't answer that question at all, I would consider it a major red flag and do some questioning of my own....

(incidentally, I'd never invite a chick to coffee, but that's another story)

ME: Coffee, perchance?
HER: Is this a "friendly coffee?"
ME: What exactly do you mean by that?

Chances are I would 'next' her based upon that question alone. However, I would drill her and drill her as to what she means by it first to make sure.

As someone stated above, that's a question which is really a statement. The statement is: "I would rather f*ck my little brother than f*ck you."

Why would you go out with a girl who made that statement to you? Start doing some screening of your own FFS.

EDIT:

Just read this...

update...kind of anticlimactic, but I decided to take TillTheEndOfTime's advice this morning when I realized that I wasn't really too excited to see this girl. Why? I can tell when a girl's not interested. Trying to get a date out of her was me grabbing at a straw after two bad dates last week.

Thank you for coming to your senses. Only the worst AFCs go out with women after being friend-zoned.

 

[starfishandcoffee]

Thank you for coming to your senses. Only the worst AFCs go out with women after being friend-zoned.

I've been learning the hard way that I have to know my skill level with things like this. If I was at Don Juan level right now, I'd have easily turned this around to benefit me.

sadly, I'm not yet. I'm green. This means: only date people who are interested in me, and don't consider the tough cases until after I've gotten better at this.

 

[sharkbeat]

I'm currently experimenting saying exaggerated sexual things to women. This is what I would say now:

Her: Is this a friendly coffee?
Me. It's a very naughty coffee.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

I've been learning the hard way that I have to know my skill level with things like this. If I was at Don Juan level right now, I'd have easily turned this around to benefit me.

sadly, I'm not yet. I'm green. This means: only date people who are interested in me, and don't consider the tough cases until after I've gotten better at this.

An uninterested girl is still an uninterested girl whether you are an AFC or a Don Juan. There are many factors outside of your control. You can't turn around a girl who is simply not physically attracted to you.

This girl sounds like she had no interest in you from the first sight. You win some, you lose some. Don't obsess over how you can get better. Sometimes you can't and you just have to take the situation for what it is.

 

[backbreaker]

dangers advice is spot on and the only correct play here

if you next a girl because she says this is this the epitome of not having game. this is what game is lol.


when a girl says something like that, what you have to understand is she is assuming that you want to **** her. she is probably right but women who say that, there is no doubt in their mind what you want.


what she is saying in laymen's terms is that i know you want to **** me and i don't know if i want to be with you.


what you are supposed to do in turn is create doubt. reject the premise of the question don't' try to get cute or come up with some super cool answer or get pissy

simply say "i haven't decided yet, i don't know if you are my type yet, hence why we are going out for coffee and not anything more serious. If try to **** you, you aren't going to have to ask what i'm doing. Right now it's just coffee and let's take it from there"


she's got SOME interest or she would have shot you down. Now you have to use GAME to take it to the next level. My wife shot me down the first time i asked her for number. Then she shot me down again on our first date letting it be known "nothing was going to happen". by the end of the first date she was eating out of my hand.

Whenever a woman does this reject the premise, create doubt. that's all you have to do. Anytime a woman feels she doesn't have to rpove **** to you the game is over.

 

[Jitterbug]

Her: Is it a friendly coffee?
You: It's complicated.