Hey guys,
Been a while since the last time I dropped off some advice here.
I noticed this recently in my own life, and now that I'm looking at it, it seems to be evident in some individuals here as well:
We're all just putting far too much pressure on ourselves when it comes to women.
Let's be serious here: is it really going to be make-or-break if you say hi to a woman and she doesn't say hello back? If you can't bag 'that girl' you've been eyeing up (and hopefully not on the borderline of stalking
) for the past couple weeks, is it going to be the death of you?
When I enter into an interaction with a woman, I don't think about anything beforehand other than how I'm going to open things up. By that, I mean appraising the situation and surroundings as well as her to find some way to really get a conversation going. Other than that, I'm not planning out the next four months of my life with her - I'm just letting it flow.
Ever since I started to loosen up in my interactions with women, I've noticed that almost every conversation and connection I've made with a woman has been more or less very enjoyable - even though I had to disqualify some women eventually because they just weren't what I was looking for. Lately, I've just been looking for a woman for a casual relationship with some sex, and it's not hard to find if you don't put the pressure on yourself.
Women can tell when you're overanalyzing or saying something rehearsed, and this will alarm them - think to yourself, if a random woman came up to me and said something quickly and in a rehearsed manner, what would I think of her? Not very well, huh? On the other hand, consider if a woman casually approached you, struck up a conversation and made a great connection? Much better, right?
When you are nervous and under pressure, you will not succeed as much as you would if you were cool and relaxed. This is a fact for most of the general population (I say most because I'm sure there's the one in 300,000 out there that will want to pick a fight about that).
Of course, it's rather useless for me to tell you to be relaxed and avoid putting pressure on yourself without sharing a little bit of how I go about it, right?
Whenever I feel myself starting to get that little twinge deep in my stomach, that twinge of nervousness or anxiety, I find the best solution is to take a deep breath and just derail my train of thought - I take a step back and remember that I'm just one person out to have a great time and I'm looking for some women that can share that fantastic time with me. If she doesn't show me that she can have fun - I have to let her go. But most women in the world, especially in high school and college, love to have fun and would really like to have a man to show them that great experience - and you can't do that if you're constantly overanalyzing and overplanning every move and word in a nervous, cluttered brain. On the other hand, if you can share your idea of a good time (whatever that may be) with her and not have to plan every moment and word, not only will you save yourself a ton of stress, you'll have a much better time.
What really inspired me to write this was a thread here about a guy who called a girl something like 3 or 4 times without getting called back and he wanted to know if he should call her again. Besides the fact that you should only call a woman once before a callback, it came off to me like this guy was overanalyzing things and putting an undue amount of pressure on himself. If she doesn't call back - she's missing out on a good time and it's her loss, and she will understand that eventually. This guy was overanalyzing her non-callback and just didn't get the blatant obvious point: she probably wasn't interested. A relaxed person would immediately recognize this and just move on, because he would realize exactly what I typed: it's her loss and it is best for him because he knows not to waste any more time on her.
Anyhow, that's my little spiel for now. Drop your comments and thoughts and I'll do my best to check in on them and reply.
Let me know if you'd like any clarifications, and happy hunting, guys.
Been a while since the last time I dropped off some advice here.
I noticed this recently in my own life, and now that I'm looking at it, it seems to be evident in some individuals here as well:
We're all just putting far too much pressure on ourselves when it comes to women.
Let's be serious here: is it really going to be make-or-break if you say hi to a woman and she doesn't say hello back? If you can't bag 'that girl' you've been eyeing up (and hopefully not on the borderline of stalking
) for the past couple weeks, is it going to be the death of you?When I enter into an interaction with a woman, I don't think about anything beforehand other than how I'm going to open things up. By that, I mean appraising the situation and surroundings as well as her to find some way to really get a conversation going. Other than that, I'm not planning out the next four months of my life with her - I'm just letting it flow.
Ever since I started to loosen up in my interactions with women, I've noticed that almost every conversation and connection I've made with a woman has been more or less very enjoyable - even though I had to disqualify some women eventually because they just weren't what I was looking for. Lately, I've just been looking for a woman for a casual relationship with some sex, and it's not hard to find if you don't put the pressure on yourself.
Women can tell when you're overanalyzing or saying something rehearsed, and this will alarm them - think to yourself, if a random woman came up to me and said something quickly and in a rehearsed manner, what would I think of her? Not very well, huh? On the other hand, consider if a woman casually approached you, struck up a conversation and made a great connection? Much better, right?
When you are nervous and under pressure, you will not succeed as much as you would if you were cool and relaxed. This is a fact for most of the general population (I say most because I'm sure there's the one in 300,000 out there that will want to pick a fight about that
).Of course, it's rather useless for me to tell you to be relaxed and avoid putting pressure on yourself without sharing a little bit of how I go about it, right?
Whenever I feel myself starting to get that little twinge deep in my stomach, that twinge of nervousness or anxiety, I find the best solution is to take a deep breath and just derail my train of thought - I take a step back and remember that I'm just one person out to have a great time and I'm looking for some women that can share that fantastic time with me. If she doesn't show me that she can have fun - I have to let her go. But most women in the world, especially in high school and college, love to have fun and would really like to have a man to show them that great experience - and you can't do that if you're constantly overanalyzing and overplanning every move and word in a nervous, cluttered brain. On the other hand, if you can share your idea of a good time (whatever that may be
) with her and not have to plan every moment and word, not only will you save yourself a ton of stress, you'll have a much better time.What really inspired me to write this was a thread here about a guy who called a girl something like 3 or 4 times without getting called back and he wanted to know if he should call her again. Besides the fact that you should only call a woman once before a callback, it came off to me like this guy was overanalyzing things and putting an undue amount of pressure on himself. If she doesn't call back - she's missing out on a good time and it's her loss, and she will understand that eventually. This guy was overanalyzing her non-callback and just didn't get the blatant obvious point: she probably wasn't interested. A relaxed person would immediately recognize this and just move on, because he would realize exactly what I typed: it's her loss and it is best for him because he knows not to waste any more time on her.
Anyhow, that's my little spiel for now. Drop your comments and thoughts and I'll do my best to check in on them and reply.
Let me know if you'd like any clarifications, and happy hunting, guys.
