Let me ask you about this..

[backbreaker]

Now, my Ex GF and I got into an arguement yesterday, nothing serious, but bascially, even thoughI broke up with her, I told her I don't want to talk to her any longer, because we aren't dating and she is wasting my time.

Of course she gave me the I want to still talk to you roll, and if that's what you want there is nothing wrong with that, however nothing comes out of it just keeping her around, wasting my time I could be with other girls I actually want.

Part of the reason we broke up is because of something I did.. or better yet, didn't do.

She didn't cheat on me, but she did go on a date with another guy while we were together.

I didn't break up with her then (I should have) but that was basically the end in my mind and I truely ended it once I saw how much she was holding me back from doing what I wanted to do.

However, when she did it ,went on a date with another guy, I was slacking. I'm not making excuses for her, but I had just sold my company, was sleeping half the day (which Is understandable if you havent' had an off day in 3 years basically), I balloned from 175ish when we started dating to 210 at the time she went on a date (i'm down to 172 now), and to top all of it off, I was trying to get with the girl that bought me to this board the entire time we were together.

So she bought up an intersting point... she said she wanted to get back with me, I said no but she then said that "what do you expect me to do when you even admit you wren't doing the best you can in the relationship"

I was actually speechless... I mean, I could have said something but she was actually right... There were times when she pulled me aside and asked me to loose weight.. it was until I saw a picture of myself that I truely saw how much I gained. She told me constantly to stop talking to the girl that bought me here (she even made a post here about it).. so it's not like she didn't TRY.

In other words, I put her in a situtation where she coudn't win. Either be with me and be unhappy because I am not living up my end of the relationship, or cheat on me and have me leave her.


Now, this post has nothing to do with her, she's done and I've long moved on. However, it brings up an interesting point...

Take all of the girls you met before you came here...

I am assuming you made alot of mistakes with her, and that you weren't the person you are now.

So, if you admit that you were an AFC with her ,and in general and you admit that you have improved and that you are embarassed at some of the things you did in the past (as I was), could you blame her for LJBFing you, or leaving you, or cheating on you?

I asked myself, 'WOULD I HAVE DATED MYSELF BACK THEN'... not a chance. I wouldn't have given me too looks back then, so why should I get mad at her for feeling the same way?

The girl that bought me to this site (who I stopped seeing about 2 months ago...finally) didn't like me not because she was a ***** or crazy or anything like that, SHE DIDN'T LIKE ME BECAUSE OF THE STUFF I DID TO MAKE HER NOT LIKE ME.

So when she came back and showed interest when I improved, why should I be bitter towards her? I wasn't, because now that I understand what I was doing and how I was acting, I don't blame her for not dating me...

Pretty much everytime you get LJBFed.. not everytime, but probably 8 out of 10, it's your fault, one way or another. To many guys just don't look in the mirror and it's easier to blame another woman.

Just in interesting point of view

 

[satyriasis]

nope, the attraction was gone, blame yaself.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

Originally posted by backbreaker

Pretty much everytime you get LJBFed.. not everytime, but probably 8 out of 10, it's your fault, one way or another. To many guys just don't look in the mirror and it's easier to blame another woman.

Just in interesting point of view

Uh no, I would say 5 out of 10. Look we're not perfect. If someone were to see beyond the faults of your lackluster dating skills - they're must be interested in you or desperate. Relationships isn't a logical cut process.

 

[DJDamage]

Originally posted by backbreaker
So, if you admit that you were an AFC with her ,and in general and you admit that you have improved and that you are embarassed at some of the things you did in the past (as I was), could you blame her for LJBFing you, or leaving you, or cheating on you?

Often it is not the LJBFing or leaving that is the problem, its how she carried herself that is the problem. I see what you are saying regarding being an AFC and its a pretty good reason to get dumped.

However if you know a girl for a long time, aren't you entitled to be treated with some courtesy and respect when you get dumped??

Maybe its a flaw in women behaviour I don't know but the road between her deciding to dump you and her getting to actually dump you is full of lies, deceit and manipulation. After all that when they want to hang around you as "friends" why would you yourself tolerate that kind of behaviour?? You deserve better.

Originally posted by backbreaker
I asked myself, 'WOULD I HAVE DATED MYSELF BACK THEN'... not a chance. I wouldn't have given me too looks back then, so why should I get mad at her for feeling the same way?

The fact remains that even though you were AFC she still accepted your advances so some degree, so something did work, only for a short period of time. A better question to ask yourself: IS THIS OLD FLAME WORTHY OF DATING THE NEW ME??

Originally posted by backbreaker
The girl that bought me to this site (who I stopped seeing about 2 months ago...finally) didn't like me not because she was a ***** or crazy or anything like that, SHE DIDN'T LIKE ME BECAUSE OF THE STUFF I DID TO MAKE HER NOT LIKE ME.

So when she came back and showed interest when I improved, why should I be bitter towards her? I wasn't, because now that I understand what I was doing and how I was acting, I don't blame her for not dating me...

You shouldn't feel bitter towards her. However you should dismiss her claims that she is REALLY showing interest in you. After all she decided she can do better and decided to chase her own little fantasy instead of a real guy who is showing his interest. Now that her fantasy did not come true she comes back to you. The cycle will repeat itself if you accept her back because she will lose all interest quickly when she discovers how easy it was to get back in. I don't believe in second chances, when it comes to dating. ONCE ITS OVER, ITS OVER, there is no going back.

 

[OneArmDeeJay]

This post reeks of ONEitis!

Originally posted by backbreaker
Part of the reason we broke up is because of something I did.. or better yet, didn't do.

She didn't cheat on me, but she did go on a date with another guy while we were together.

Sorry to break it to ya but that is considered cheating when you go out on a date with another person that isn’t your bf/gf.

Originally posted by backbreaker
I didn't break up with her then (I should have) but that was basically the end in my mind and I truely ended it once I saw how much she was holding me back from doing what I wanted to do.

You knew she cheated but you didn’t want to end it because you let your heart get in the way.

Originally posted by backbreaker
However, when she did it ,went on a date with another guy, I was slacking.

Stop making excuses when someone cheats. There are NO Justifications for cheating.

Originally posted by backbreaker
I'm not making excuses for her,

Yes you did you said you were “I was slacking”

Originally posted by backbreaker
So she bought up an intersting point... she said she wanted to get back with me, I said no but she then said that "what do you expect me to do when you even admit you wren't doing the best you can in the relationship"

She was hurt so she used your own words against you to make you fell miserable too.

Originally posted by backbreaker
I was actually speechless...

Mission Complete!!

Originally posted by backbreaker
I mean, I could have said something but she was actually right...

That’s what she wanted you to think. Remember she cheated on you….

Originally posted by backbreaker
She told me constantly to stop talking to the girl that bought me here

She had every right to and you should of.

Originally posted by backbreaker
In other words, I put her in a situtation where she coudn't win.

Stop giving her excesses please.

Originally posted by backbreaker
Now, this post has nothing to do with her,

This post has everything to do with her.

Originally posted by backbreaker
So, if you admit that you were an AFC with her ,and in general and you admit that you have improved and that you are embarassed at some of the things you did in the past (as I was), could you blame her for LJBFing you, or leaving you, or cheating on you?

Again this has all to do with this girl.

Sounds like you tried this and it didn’t work.

Stop making excuses for her cheating on you.

Originally posted by backbreaker
I asked myself, 'WOULD I HAVE DATED MYSELF BACK THEN'... not a chance. I wouldn't have given me too looks back then, so why should I get mad at her for feeling the same way?

Stop thinking this way it’s negative.

And who cares? Unless of course you still do? Which is obvious.

Originally posted by backbreaker
So when she came back and showed interest when I improved, why should I be bitter towards her?

Because she is liking the new “DJ” you instead of the real you. Sounds like you are bitter towards her for only liking you after you’ve learn some tricks and it ticks you off and hurts your ego.

=========

This whole thing has ONEitis written all over this.

And you want to know if any of us have been through the same situation as you so you can feel better.

Backbreaker you’re trying to hard to get this chick that introduce you to this site.

Either tightin up your game or let her go….

 

[backbreaker]

OneArmDeeJay, you are talking out both sides of your mouth.


First of all, this is REAL life... in real life, you can't expect to get a girl, do nothing, or even Degress, and expect her to be 100% satisfied.

I honestly had that comin, and wasn't suprised when she did it, rather she 'cheated' or not. You don't gain 30 pounds, stop spending quality time with someone, and talk to other women without any woman worth her salt looking elsewhere, because I would have done the exact same.

Her and I had our differences, but as long as I was doing what I was suppsed to be doing, I never had a problem out of her. Eventually I realized I was wasting my time, mainly because she is Cathlothic and I am Athiest, and she is not very understanding of it.

I haven't dated her, dont' want her back.. that's the last thing on my mind.

I can't say enough how much I DON'T want to do with her... just because I used her as an example doesn't mean I want her... Hell, she asked me yesterday to take her back and has been pretty persistant for the last 3 months on it, and not only do I NOT want her, I usually don't even pick up the phone when she calls.

You don't seem to know the difference between an excuse and a legit explination.

I take full resonsablity for everything that happened.. because one way or another, I could have provented it.

However, that doesn't mean that because I can fix what I did wrong, I want to take her back and make everything right.

Even before she CHEATED, I was thinking about leaving her... we got/get along great, but I could see it was no long term for us, just to different.

You knew she cheated but you didn’t want to end it because you let your heart get in the way.

100% correct.. again, I'm not a robot with preprogrammed responses... She cared about me, I cared about her... when I confronted her on it, I had started packing her **** on the spot, because she was for all intents and purposes, staying with me, and she got down and cried, begging me to forgive her, and against my better judgement I gave her another chance. Never said I was perfect.

However, that's a funny point. That's how confidence works. Because I had balloned in weight, had gotten lazy on myself, my confidence in myself wasn't what it was a year ago or now. Had that had happened a year ago I would have had her **** on my porch when she got home, because I knew what she was doing when she did it, well before she got home.

Because she is liking the new “DJ” you instead of the real you. Sounds like you are bitter towards her for only liking you after you’ve learn some tricks and it ticks you off and hurts your ego.

So are you saying I am not a DJ? That the real me is an AFC? That's the stupidest crap I have ever heard.

I just said I am not BITTER towards her, whatsoever ,and I am honestly not.

She was never rude towards me, always explained why she didn't feel the way I felt about her, but I can't knock her for not being attracted to a guy that she isn't supposed to be attracted to.

So I hit the weights, stop being a lazy ass again and I improve myself so I can like myself and when I do, women like me and I should be bitter now that I have improved myself?



Also, i'm not flaming you, but you don't know everything that went on. It wasn't ment for advice, becuase if you notice I said I STOPPED SEEING (I.E SLEEPING WITH) the girl that bought me to this site, mainly because I knew I could do better and I BROKE UP with my Ex GF and have moved well on, ,despite the fact that she still calls and still wants to try to make something with me.

 

[backbreaker]

just to clairfy, that thing when she cheated on me, happened in April.

We broke up in the end of July.

OUt of that time, other than her rude ass fat ass friend hitting on me, and popping up at my house drunk, I never had a problem out of her.

The reason we broke up, if you must know, is because of this:

One day, a Tuesday, we were sitting down at my PC. NOrmal ass day. So I was reading a book called "50 things you aren't supposed to know" and one of them had something to do with the 10 commandments.

So I make a passing mention of it to her.

So we start talking about religion and I take the opprotuntiy to talk to her about hers, since she never talks about it.

So I ask her a simple question.. "what version of the bible do you have"

thinking she will say something like "king james" or "new american version" or something.

So she says "I have the old testiment, but I need to get the new testiment"

After thinking about it, I ask her does she know the difference

So she says "the new testiment is the updated version of the old testiment"

Unstead of laughing at her, I went out that night, and had a long time to think.. we have gotten into many arguements over her trying to "convert" me and she doesn't even have 1 clue in what she believes in. I knew I couldn't be with someone like that, and that's the last straw. YOu are willing to die for something you have no clue about.

So when I came home later that night I told her it wasn't going to work and she needed to get her stuff. She asked why and I told her, we are just too different.

it wasn't that what she said was that stupid, which it was, but because it wasn' tthe first time she has done something ignorant when she isn't ignorant at all, just lazy and doesn't try... I don't date ignorant people.

 

[wavejams007]

was she that small fry person?

 

[JonJack]

backbreaker, I like the way you are questioning yourself more than questioning the girl.

The way I look at things closely resembles yours. However, when anyone LJBFs you, it's no one's fault. The problem lies when the person getting LJBFed doesn't accept it. This person becomes unhappy and when this person chooses to react in that manner, it is always their fault.

I understand why people feel the need to get angry and be unhappy when they get jilted or LJBFed. I suppose if you get strung along for a ride and was later left high and dry, you're bound to be pissed.

But here's the million dollar question. Being one human being in a sea of billions, what makes you so special that you are entitled to the best behaviour of everyone around you? Should you even put faith in everyone around you treating you well? Does being a good person in your own mind mean that everyone else is going to see you as a good person?

People expect too much from others, yet they never expect enough from themselves.

 

[backbreaker]

Originally posted by JonJack
backbreaker, I like the way you are questioning yourself more than questioning the girl.

The way I look at things closely resembles yours. However, when anyone LJBFs you, it's no one's fault. The problem lies when the person getting LJBFed doesn't accept it. This person becomes unhappy and when this person chooses to react in that manner, it is always their fault.

I understand why people feel the need to get angry and be unhappy when they get jilted or LJBFed. I suppose if you get strung along for a ride and was later left high and dry, you're bound to be pissed.

But here's the million dollar question. Being one human being in a sea of billions, what makes you so special that you are entitled to the best behaviour of everyone around you? Should you even put faith in everyone around you treating you well? Does being a good person in your own mind mean that everyone else is going to see you as a good person?

People expect too much from others, yet they never expect enough from themselves.

To answer your Million dollar question, in hopes of getting a million dollars... I expect to be treated like I treat people.

If a girl I am ****ing now is ****ing another guy while I am ****ing another girl, what am I going to do? Get mad becuase she got caught getting ****ed and i didn't?

I I expect to be treated with a certian amount of respect. The only reason I even looked at the girl that LJBF'ed me, besides she was hot, ,is that even though she LJBF'ed me, she did it in a very respectful manner ,and there was never any hard feelings.

ON the contary, her best friend, who I dated 5 years ago, broke up with me and came to my job, which she worked at, the next night, telling everyone in an earshot distance how she got ****ed by this guy she had been ****ing for the last month or so... while I was with her. Note that I worked in the same department as she did, so I had to put up with her.

For some reason that girl had a hardon for me, at least for getting to me... she went to a school, a school she or I don't even go to, and all girls private school, spreding rumors about me.

Off topic.

Oh, my ex had some self esteem issues from being a lazy ass.. Once she was trying to get a job that required her to take a Word, Excel, Powerpoint test to test her skills.. she could do it over the internet.

So she begged me to do it, and at first I said no, it's your test, you do it.. they want to know YOUR skills not mine.

She promised me a BJ if I did it, so I gave in and scored great on all of them, and she got a job the next day.

So the next day she was mad at me, for no reason whatsoever but becasue I took the test for her and she told me "I could have done that" (and she couldn't have scored as high as I did.. no where close, but that's not the point.. the point is I told her to do it herself and she had to get on her knees... literarly... to get me to do it)

She cries everytime someone she knows graduates College, because she realizes she isn' doing **** with her life.

I mean, she is too cute

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/ur_hacked03/detail?.dir=5c1b&.dnm=98c3.jpg&.src=ph

, couldn't dream of a better body, and you can't tell in that pic, but she has the cutiest eyes, their huge.

But overall, she isn't the brigtest person in the world. She isn't dumb, but she doesn't hold herself accountable for anything, doesn't try, and I can't be with someone that is like that, or even worse, have a kid with traits like that.

 

[JonJack]

Originally posted by backbreaker
To answer your Million dollar question, in hopes of getting a million dollars... I expect to be treated like I treat people.

I I expect to be treated with a certian amount of respect. The only reason I even looked at the girl that LJBF'ed me, besides she was hot, ,is that even though she LJBF'ed me, she did it in a very respectful manner ,and there was never any hard feelings.

Okay. I believe a lot of people would like to be treated with respect, especially when they treat others with equal amounts of respect.

However, in my mind, treating someone with respect does not entitle you to equal amounts of respect. It doesn't even entitle you to an ounce of respect. Only because it is not yours to ask for but theirs to give.

It is therefore all about choosing the people around you. You have to choose to drop the dead weights that disrespects you, that always tries to bring you down.

I'm not saying that that girl is a dead weight. She probably isn't considering you do not hold such disdain for her.

The point I'm putting across is that there are a lot of people who have lots of nasty things to say about others. The mere fact that they have this urge to voice this anguish is a clear indication that they are unable to let it go. They may say otherwise, but it is obvious that if a person has no problem with a person who did them wrong, they wouldn't be 'bashing' them.

That is why I can safely assume that you really do not have a problem with this girl. The whole situation may be crap, but you don't solely blame her for everything.

However I doubt that anyone would come close to how I handle things. A girl I'm with can cheat on me and all I'll say is "She just wasn't that interested in me after all. She's well entitled to sleep with whoever she chooses. It would have been better if she could've broken up with me first, but she decided not to. She's also very much entitled to whatever she wants to do. I too am entitled to whatever I want to do, and I choose to not bother with her anymore.". End of story, no drama, forget about it. Of course it may take some time to fully get over it. However, it sure feels a lot better compared to whining and complaining and talking all sorts of shyt about her with all my friends. Sure they may want to hear me talk some shyt about her, but I don't think I need to.