Let her do what she wants?

[asid12345678]

Hey guys . So I've read in a lot of threads that how you shouldn't be controlling and possessive of your girlfriend and give her the space that she wants . And I try to do that . I'll give you an example , like my girl commented "cute smile" on a guy's Facebook pic and I said I don't really mind.She said she did it because it was true . But she says she minds me doing the same on a girl's pic . So do you think I should stop things like these ? or let it be and not comment like she wants ?

 

[thatfeel]

Sounds like a sh!t test for sure, don't let it bother you at ALL.

 

[JoeMarron]

Yeah telling her not to do that anymore is pointless. The fact that she felt it was ok to do that but not ok for you tells you all you need to know. Silly chicks like these are ones that I wouldn't mind spinning plates on the side. She isn't deserving of your monogamy or your honesty.

 

[Renegade357]

Don't call her out on that but you don't really want to be with a girl who flirts with guys in front of you. If she continues that BS just drop her.

 

[denverfan110]

Yeah telling her not to do that anymore is pointless. The fact that she felt it was ok to do that but not ok for you tells you all you need to know. Silly chicks like these are ones that I wouldn't mind spinning plates on the side. She isn't deserving of your monogamy or your honesty.

Perfectly stated.

 

[5string]

Barring a few things, I tend to trust others until they prove me wrong. Then it's game over.

 

[GADavid]

From my "aloofness" thread

The part about controlling modern women is so true. The more I've tried to control, the more they do whatever they want. Forget complaining about it; makes them do it all the more. I have slowly and painfully found out that just saying "people are going to do what they want anyway" and letting go makes the woman WANT to do right by me. It's like a child. They'll do exactly what you tell them not to do, but feel all warm and proud doing the right thing without being told.

Further, it is a weakness of character to try to control another person. Why do I do it? I don't want to get walked all over. It is a tactic to control my own vulnerability. Truth is, if someone wants to walk all over you, telling them not to will not keep them in line. It'll make them attempt it all the sooner. The only tactic to controlling vulnerability is to let people do whatever they want and to be mindful of how much of yourself you give them in return for their own willful behavior.
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I've had similar things to your situation eat away at me. Brother, you will not be satisfied with the result of letting it get to you much less bringing it up with her again. You have that information, you know how she behaves, now use that intelligently. Focus on what you do. Keep interest in other women as this one is not fully focused on keeping you happy. The punishment for her behavior is that it makes you consider other girls that much more. You don't have to, and in fact can't, make her see her error. All you can do is let it to direct YOUR behavior. If you find someone better, you better believe she'll know the sh*tty things she did and why you did

 

[Renegade357]

You can hold them accountable for their behavior by withdrawing time and attention. You gotta be smart about picking your battles. Just keep in mind a girl who loves you and wants to keep you happy won't do disrespectful things.

 

[Stort_Brød]

Barring a few things, I tend to trust others until they prove me wrong. Then it's game over.

yep pretty much... trust is the easiest thing to lose yet the hardest to gain. But once trust is broken it will never fully be restored in someone so I just never attempt to fix what they have broken in my trust. With dating you get NO chances nope not even one, if you break that trust I have in you then you are out the door without hesitation.

but as far as this problem goes... remain indifferent about the situation and just kick back to watch the show and see if she is her own undoing.

 

[n00bPimp]

Let her do what she wants because then you can do what you want. Its a two way street. If you let her get mad at you for doing the same things shes doing then you're automatically a beta, no questions asked, and your relationship begins to deteriorate. After a while you will end up getting dumped for the more alpha guy who instinctively knows the rules.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I smell a rat, and I don't like it.

I'll put it this way: when I'm dating a girl, I make it a point to not comment on how attractive I find other girls. Even if it's a famous movie star and my girl asks me "so, which of these 3 movie stars do you find attractive?" I don't answer the question. Not because I don't find them attractive, but because it's RUDE to tell the woman I'm dating that someone else is pretty - it doesn't help your cause for her to know this info, and can only end up lowering her interest level.

And so, the opposite is also true - if I see a girl I'm dating talking about how cute or handsome she finds another guy, I take it as a sign of disrespect. Do I let it fall by the wayside? Of course not, but I don't wine about it either. I'd just point it out to them ONE time - i.e. "Hey, I'm not sure if you know this bothers me or not, but I'd really prefer it if you not point out other guys you find attractive - I'm not gay, therefore I don't really care" - and that's it. If they keep doing it after that, I drop em. However, as weird as it may sound, the logic of not pointing out other guys' attractiveness is sometimes lost on girls - they can have guy friends and/or look at other guys like a piece of artwork without wanting to do anything with them, so oftentimes they don't even know it's bugging us.

 

[Night-hawk]

Some really good points have been made here.

What she does is only ok to the degree it bothers you and what you do about it. You find this as a telling sign of lack of devotion to you, or potential AWism, then designate her to low quality status until she improves her proving herself to you. She may or may not but maybe she doesn't know what bothers you, hence the doing something about it.