Harry Wilmington
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2012
- Messages
- 1,196
- Reaction score
- 204
Hey guys:
Here's another wonderful article for all you recovering AFCs out there, courtesy of me, Harry Wilmington!
Let's look now at a typical case I see on here time and time again. You meet a girl and both of you appear to have great chemistry together. So, you decide to get her number. You call her up, ask her for a date, go out and, once again, the GREAT chemistry is still there. At the end of the date she asks you to call her again to go out soon.
For now, you're happy. You feel as though all the tips and tricks you've learned at various other sites about how to attract women are starting to pay off.
Then, it happens: you call her up (or text her, which, as you all know by now, I do NOT recommend) to ask her out for a date. She doesn't answer her phone/message you back right away.
You think, "hmm, maybe she's busy... I'll try back later." 3 hours later, you call/text her again. No response.
Now, let's be honest, guys: if you're a recovering AFC, it means that, at times, you become very, VERY sensitive when a woman's not responding to you. It takes your brain back to those days when every girl on the planet was rejecting you because you were doing something wrong that you didn't know about.
As a result, you start going back over every interaction you've had with this girl up to this point and nitpicking your actions around her. "Hmm, did I wear the right clothes on the date? Too much/too little kino? Should I have gone in for a kiss/did I kiss her too soon? Was I coming across as needy/not caring enough?"
Once you've analyzed the situation fully, you come to the conclusion that you've done nothing wrong. You also decide that, since you did nothing wrong, this girl must be either:
*Playing with your emotions
*Giving you a sh!t test
*Secretly dating other guys behind your back
*Screening her calls
*Trying to reject you without saying it to your face
I see people making posts about this same scenario time and time again, and the complaining guys are usually on here in a panic asking for advice. "OMG, should I go no contact? Should I confront her? Should I tell her how I feel so she'll stop playing games??"
Um, I have a suggestion: how about you MAN THE F--K UP AND STOP ACTING LIKE IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD?!?
Just because a girl doesn't respond/get back to you right away doesn't mean she's suddenly lost interest. It could mean a plethora of other things that have nothing to do with you. Your current reaction is solely based on your viewpoint that every woman who isn't constantly trying to get back in touch with you is rejecting you - but really, dude, you're not the only thing going on in her world.
One time, I had a girl call me when I wasn't able to get to my phone. I called her back, and it went straight to voice mail. I called her again a few hours later, same thing happened.
If I were still an AFC, what would my reaction have been? "Oh man, she just cut her phone off so she wouldn't have to talk to me! How could she do that?? I thought we got along so well! Well, I'll show her by leaving her a message about what a b*tch she's being, THEN giving her the NC treatment - yeah, that'll show her!"
Of course, if I did THAT, I wouldn't have gotten an email from her the next day asking me for my phone number, then making a call from her house phone to explain to me that she had lost her cell phone somewhere in her room. Wait, so you mean it WASN'T about me?? :crackup:
I don't want any recovering AFCs on here to not be aware of signals that indicate a girl is losing interest in you. At the same time, you REALLY have to look at the situation as a whole before you start reacting to a slight that may not even be one.
If you and a girl have been dating for a while and there haven't really been any major red flags, a few occasions where she isn't able to be near you, call you, text you, etc. in a quick amount of time doesn't mean she's suddenly gone cold on you. There are plenty of situations where this will happen:
*She goes to a funeral
*She goes on vacation someplace that's out of range from phone lines
*She's having a girl's night out and decided to cut off her phone to focus on THEM (which she has a right to do w/o your interference)
*She's taking a nap in the middle of the day
*She's working out to music with headphones on her head and can't hear the phone ring when you call
My point is, there's no need to panic about the situation because, for the time, you don't have the full story. You should reserve your anger until you've gotten in contact with her, asked about her day, and got to hear the "why" behind you not being able to reach her (which she will usually give you if you ask her about it in a way that doesn't make it seem like you were taking it personally).
Now, if her not contacting you starts to become a regular pattern, you've got a problem on your hands. If it's just here and there, though, chill the f--k out dude, she's got other things in her life going on besides you!
-Harry Wilmington
Here's another wonderful article for all you recovering AFCs out there, courtesy of me, Harry Wilmington!
Let's look now at a typical case I see on here time and time again. You meet a girl and both of you appear to have great chemistry together. So, you decide to get her number. You call her up, ask her for a date, go out and, once again, the GREAT chemistry is still there. At the end of the date she asks you to call her again to go out soon.
For now, you're happy. You feel as though all the tips and tricks you've learned at various other sites about how to attract women are starting to pay off.
Then, it happens: you call her up (or text her, which, as you all know by now, I do NOT recommend) to ask her out for a date. She doesn't answer her phone/message you back right away.
You think, "hmm, maybe she's busy... I'll try back later." 3 hours later, you call/text her again. No response.
Now, let's be honest, guys: if you're a recovering AFC, it means that, at times, you become very, VERY sensitive when a woman's not responding to you. It takes your brain back to those days when every girl on the planet was rejecting you because you were doing something wrong that you didn't know about.
As a result, you start going back over every interaction you've had with this girl up to this point and nitpicking your actions around her. "Hmm, did I wear the right clothes on the date? Too much/too little kino? Should I have gone in for a kiss/did I kiss her too soon? Was I coming across as needy/not caring enough?"
Once you've analyzed the situation fully, you come to the conclusion that you've done nothing wrong. You also decide that, since you did nothing wrong, this girl must be either:
*Playing with your emotions
*Giving you a sh!t test
*Secretly dating other guys behind your back
*Screening her calls
*Trying to reject you without saying it to your face
I see people making posts about this same scenario time and time again, and the complaining guys are usually on here in a panic asking for advice. "OMG, should I go no contact? Should I confront her? Should I tell her how I feel so she'll stop playing games??"
Um, I have a suggestion: how about you MAN THE F--K UP AND STOP ACTING LIKE IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD?!?
Just because a girl doesn't respond/get back to you right away doesn't mean she's suddenly lost interest. It could mean a plethora of other things that have nothing to do with you. Your current reaction is solely based on your viewpoint that every woman who isn't constantly trying to get back in touch with you is rejecting you - but really, dude, you're not the only thing going on in her world.
One time, I had a girl call me when I wasn't able to get to my phone. I called her back, and it went straight to voice mail. I called her again a few hours later, same thing happened.
If I were still an AFC, what would my reaction have been? "Oh man, she just cut her phone off so she wouldn't have to talk to me! How could she do that?? I thought we got along so well! Well, I'll show her by leaving her a message about what a b*tch she's being, THEN giving her the NC treatment - yeah, that'll show her!"
Of course, if I did THAT, I wouldn't have gotten an email from her the next day asking me for my phone number, then making a call from her house phone to explain to me that she had lost her cell phone somewhere in her room. Wait, so you mean it WASN'T about me?? :crackup:
I don't want any recovering AFCs on here to not be aware of signals that indicate a girl is losing interest in you. At the same time, you REALLY have to look at the situation as a whole before you start reacting to a slight that may not even be one.
If you and a girl have been dating for a while and there haven't really been any major red flags, a few occasions where she isn't able to be near you, call you, text you, etc. in a quick amount of time doesn't mean she's suddenly gone cold on you. There are plenty of situations where this will happen:
*She goes to a funeral
*She goes on vacation someplace that's out of range from phone lines
*She's having a girl's night out and decided to cut off her phone to focus on THEM (which she has a right to do w/o your interference)
*She's taking a nap in the middle of the day
*She's working out to music with headphones on her head and can't hear the phone ring when you call
My point is, there's no need to panic about the situation because, for the time, you don't have the full story. You should reserve your anger until you've gotten in contact with her, asked about her day, and got to hear the "why" behind you not being able to reach her (which she will usually give you if you ask her about it in a way that doesn't make it seem like you were taking it personally).
Now, if her not contacting you starts to become a regular pattern, you've got a problem on your hands. If it's just here and there, though, chill the f--k out dude, she's got other things in her life going on besides you!
-Harry Wilmington
