rhodiumcompiler
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TL;DR : Should have talked to the one girl that met up to my base standards. Lesson learned, don't pass up any opportunity.
I tip my hat to you good sirs and madam if you are reading this we are going out next Tuesday, be ready. May my company add and enrich to our shared experience. There is a kindred feeling here I have not felt in all my time online. A common thread binds us all here, at least for a time, until we grow past it. I tend to wax philosophical and I ask no one's pardon. I will instead ask only your tolerance and refining thoughts. With luck, there will be something worthwhile for people here and myself.
This initial post is about my recent attempt to expand myself by applying the initial pieces I understand of the DJ bible because I could not wait till I finished it to try some of it. Patience is a virtue but that set of documents screams to get the knowledge used even before finishing it. Knowing that being out there will teach faster and more in depth than the meaning between the lines of the bible can. Before I can speak about my first failures in my field report, I feel the need to explain my way of thought first.
Over the past few years I have worked to learn myself, piece by piece though normally by chance. Humor has taught me the most about myself. I believe comedy is a skilled art of treading boundaries. True hilarity comes from treading on or just behind the line of what people believe deep down. Not know, not understand, I said believe. I mean those silent, unsaid things learned or found that form the bedrock at the base of our logic, our philosophies, and our drives. I could say that I believe something, I could say I know what those beliefs are. That would be an utter lie. In learning myself the one thing that constantly hits hard is that if you can put your beliefs into words, it's not your belief. That is merely a philosophy. Granted, they probably circumscribe a few of the core beliefs that one has but I doubt all of them are encompassed. Comedy is one of the few ways I can find those unsaid thoughts which sit outside of the realm of language because it is the most benign way to evoke emotional response. Though others may not define it that way; I find that whatever I believe when touched causes an emotional feedback. The stronger the feeling, the closer it as hit to one of my beliefs. Comedy is a communal sharing of thoughts and shows that the presenter thinks the same as you. Especially jokes that work on the concept of reversals. The joke is built so that the situation is common experience and the result is obvious. When the opposite or odd happens as a conclusion it is seen as absurd based on how we view the world. It shows that even though we know on average things happen as we understand them the rarity or the possibility of the rare happening is there. It expands our world-view every time we realize the new possibilities and it changes our beliefs in small, subtle ways. Which leads me to my first point.
Emotions are a signal of what you believe. Emotions drive us, compel us to take action. In the presence of what most consider positive emotions, we continue to do our habits as is common day to day. Happiness teaches us to do something more often. Complacency shows that we can continue through a habit. Nostalgia classifies habits and information as old and outdated. So while those made sense and were beneficial then, they are no longer valid now.
Negative emotions elicit a conflict with how we view the world. It shows that we don't fully understand it and something in our world-view needs to change. Anger forces us to confront the problems directly trying to physically correct the world to fit us. Sadness and depression allow us to recognize that something treasured or thought to be needed has been lost driving us to re-acquire it. The list of emotions trail on, you can draw your own conclusions on what they push us to do. In the end, negative emotions force us to one of two things and without action they will persist. They leave us to either force the world to fit us or force us to change our beliefs to more accurately mimic the world.
Beliefs are hard to change. They should be. Randomly changing core-driven, personally accepted facts at the bottom of a person's thoughts would be detrimental and leads to completely non-functioning systems quickly and with bad results. Changes on that level must be thought out, considered, and then tested slowly and with trepidation. Changing beliefs hurt, require rethinking all subsequent habits, thoughts, and philosophies. It is extremely costly in all aspects of a person's life to make those changes. So when changing those core elements the benefits or the deficits must be large and compelling.
This is the one reason why I cannot ask someone to change their beliefs simply because I think my way is better. This is why stupidity has such stubborn persistence. This is why I love comedy.
I also think that is why both both genders love to laugh and especially why a woman looks for a man that can give her that comedy. They accept emotion, they let it flow through them. It's what comes with the female mindset. Comedy is the easiest way to change a person's world-view. If you are always making a person laugh, you are always showing them a new way to think of something. Possibly improving on them. It may not make them change their world-view but it will push the boundaries that they feel safe in. It also by extension makes them feel safe with you. You understand how they see the world and play with that very understanding. Making you part of the group. Showing that you are the same.
This fine line must be taken with care. When it is found it must be pushed. Harder, each day to expand the boundaries for each of us. Teaching all of us to be more tolerant, more patient. It must also be taken with the consequences in mind. Passing that line pushes beyond the comfort zone. That awkward or worst now un-funny subject makes the audience realize there is a subject they don't understand. Showing that although the speaker is comfortable with the subject and understands it enough to joke about it, the audience is not. It brings up emotions and reaction akin to calling a person stupid or showing that they are now below the speaker in world-view somehow. Attempts at comedy become a direct attack, leaving a distinct us v.s. them mindset. What once was a bonding experience becomes a distinct gap. With the realization that this person is different. As before, people don't like changing themselves on the whole, habit is king.
I doubt most people subscribe to this line of thought but I am unsure. I am also unsure if it is in some way detrimental to being more social, so I place my thoughts out there to learn and attempt to become better.
As a currently converting Nice Guy still studying the DJ bible, it has led me to feel reason to be confident and willing to join the social dance. With an optimism and a new vigor for life I thought, why not go out now? For I may proffer a thousand, thousand times but if fun is there before and after it, there is never a loss.
I have not on the action dated myself often, if any. I expect that a grand portion of you has been in a similar situation in the past. So it left me with some random guessing to try something outside my pattern. Being 30-45 minutes one way from anywhere with any businesses or people puts a damper on things. So I thought I'd start up at a mall within a moderate distance, thinking that would give me at least sheer numbers to work with. Also contributing to the results are my standards. Over the last decade they have steadily climbed and it leaves me to consider only 5's an up on my scale. I'm not sure if I have the same concept of the attractive number system so let's say low body fat percentage and a slimmer, feminine face. For this slice on the Virginia side an 1h20 minutes from the Tri-cities, that is apparently on the higher end of the spectrum. After arriving at the mall I found a small modicum of people I had the luck to find one girl in Spencers. She probably rated a 6 possibly the lower end of 7. Her demeanor did not broadcast promising thoughts, which I took as a negative sign but now realize she was probably somewhere in the immense desert of boredom. Upon seeing her and considering I thought, this is probably a good base line to work from and continued looking through the mall.
My mistake, the entirety of the mall was much like a post-apocalyptic wasteland in terms of the amount of people. The few girls that were there rated a 4 at best, the rest were a few small families, and one crass speaking group of guys. Their dialogue which could have either been described as aggressive or some odd manner of a playful in-joke of close friends did not inspire me to want to open up for friendship. In all I don't believe there were more than 30 people including the workers in that building.
I may not be looking through the right eyes on that first time around but it was fun regardless of any new company and the trip there and back did inspire many laughs. With a the lesson now etched on my mind, miss no opportunity because it may be the only one. I feel the journey was worth it.
In terms of learning to be openly social, I am unsure if I made any faux pas. I assume I could have spoken with the workers at the mall and enjoyed good discussions there or spoken with the few remaining girls giving the mall its paces. Though the latter seemed counter intuitive to my goals. I am still mostly an introvert so it will take time to learn the art of being ambiverted.
I look forward to comments if any, I hope I'm not re-treading too much by posting early.
I tip my hat to you good sirs and madam if you are reading this we are going out next Tuesday, be ready. May my company add and enrich to our shared experience. There is a kindred feeling here I have not felt in all my time online. A common thread binds us all here, at least for a time, until we grow past it. I tend to wax philosophical and I ask no one's pardon. I will instead ask only your tolerance and refining thoughts. With luck, there will be something worthwhile for people here and myself.
This initial post is about my recent attempt to expand myself by applying the initial pieces I understand of the DJ bible because I could not wait till I finished it to try some of it. Patience is a virtue but that set of documents screams to get the knowledge used even before finishing it. Knowing that being out there will teach faster and more in depth than the meaning between the lines of the bible can. Before I can speak about my first failures in my field report, I feel the need to explain my way of thought first.
Over the past few years I have worked to learn myself, piece by piece though normally by chance. Humor has taught me the most about myself. I believe comedy is a skilled art of treading boundaries. True hilarity comes from treading on or just behind the line of what people believe deep down. Not know, not understand, I said believe. I mean those silent, unsaid things learned or found that form the bedrock at the base of our logic, our philosophies, and our drives. I could say that I believe something, I could say I know what those beliefs are. That would be an utter lie. In learning myself the one thing that constantly hits hard is that if you can put your beliefs into words, it's not your belief. That is merely a philosophy. Granted, they probably circumscribe a few of the core beliefs that one has but I doubt all of them are encompassed. Comedy is one of the few ways I can find those unsaid thoughts which sit outside of the realm of language because it is the most benign way to evoke emotional response. Though others may not define it that way; I find that whatever I believe when touched causes an emotional feedback. The stronger the feeling, the closer it as hit to one of my beliefs. Comedy is a communal sharing of thoughts and shows that the presenter thinks the same as you. Especially jokes that work on the concept of reversals. The joke is built so that the situation is common experience and the result is obvious. When the opposite or odd happens as a conclusion it is seen as absurd based on how we view the world. It shows that even though we know on average things happen as we understand them the rarity or the possibility of the rare happening is there. It expands our world-view every time we realize the new possibilities and it changes our beliefs in small, subtle ways. Which leads me to my first point.
Emotions are a signal of what you believe. Emotions drive us, compel us to take action. In the presence of what most consider positive emotions, we continue to do our habits as is common day to day. Happiness teaches us to do something more often. Complacency shows that we can continue through a habit. Nostalgia classifies habits and information as old and outdated. So while those made sense and were beneficial then, they are no longer valid now.
Negative emotions elicit a conflict with how we view the world. It shows that we don't fully understand it and something in our world-view needs to change. Anger forces us to confront the problems directly trying to physically correct the world to fit us. Sadness and depression allow us to recognize that something treasured or thought to be needed has been lost driving us to re-acquire it. The list of emotions trail on, you can draw your own conclusions on what they push us to do. In the end, negative emotions force us to one of two things and without action they will persist. They leave us to either force the world to fit us or force us to change our beliefs to more accurately mimic the world.
Beliefs are hard to change. They should be. Randomly changing core-driven, personally accepted facts at the bottom of a person's thoughts would be detrimental and leads to completely non-functioning systems quickly and with bad results. Changes on that level must be thought out, considered, and then tested slowly and with trepidation. Changing beliefs hurt, require rethinking all subsequent habits, thoughts, and philosophies. It is extremely costly in all aspects of a person's life to make those changes. So when changing those core elements the benefits or the deficits must be large and compelling.
This is the one reason why I cannot ask someone to change their beliefs simply because I think my way is better. This is why stupidity has such stubborn persistence. This is why I love comedy.
I also think that is why both both genders love to laugh and especially why a woman looks for a man that can give her that comedy. They accept emotion, they let it flow through them. It's what comes with the female mindset. Comedy is the easiest way to change a person's world-view. If you are always making a person laugh, you are always showing them a new way to think of something. Possibly improving on them. It may not make them change their world-view but it will push the boundaries that they feel safe in. It also by extension makes them feel safe with you. You understand how they see the world and play with that very understanding. Making you part of the group. Showing that you are the same.
This fine line must be taken with care. When it is found it must be pushed. Harder, each day to expand the boundaries for each of us. Teaching all of us to be more tolerant, more patient. It must also be taken with the consequences in mind. Passing that line pushes beyond the comfort zone. That awkward or worst now un-funny subject makes the audience realize there is a subject they don't understand. Showing that although the speaker is comfortable with the subject and understands it enough to joke about it, the audience is not. It brings up emotions and reaction akin to calling a person stupid or showing that they are now below the speaker in world-view somehow. Attempts at comedy become a direct attack, leaving a distinct us v.s. them mindset. What once was a bonding experience becomes a distinct gap. With the realization that this person is different. As before, people don't like changing themselves on the whole, habit is king.
I doubt most people subscribe to this line of thought but I am unsure. I am also unsure if it is in some way detrimental to being more social, so I place my thoughts out there to learn and attempt to become better.
As a currently converting Nice Guy still studying the DJ bible, it has led me to feel reason to be confident and willing to join the social dance. With an optimism and a new vigor for life I thought, why not go out now? For I may proffer a thousand, thousand times but if fun is there before and after it, there is never a loss.
I have not on the action dated myself often, if any. I expect that a grand portion of you has been in a similar situation in the past. So it left me with some random guessing to try something outside my pattern. Being 30-45 minutes one way from anywhere with any businesses or people puts a damper on things. So I thought I'd start up at a mall within a moderate distance, thinking that would give me at least sheer numbers to work with. Also contributing to the results are my standards. Over the last decade they have steadily climbed and it leaves me to consider only 5's an up on my scale. I'm not sure if I have the same concept of the attractive number system so let's say low body fat percentage and a slimmer, feminine face. For this slice on the Virginia side an 1h20 minutes from the Tri-cities, that is apparently on the higher end of the spectrum. After arriving at the mall I found a small modicum of people I had the luck to find one girl in Spencers. She probably rated a 6 possibly the lower end of 7. Her demeanor did not broadcast promising thoughts, which I took as a negative sign but now realize she was probably somewhere in the immense desert of boredom. Upon seeing her and considering I thought, this is probably a good base line to work from and continued looking through the mall.
My mistake, the entirety of the mall was much like a post-apocalyptic wasteland in terms of the amount of people. The few girls that were there rated a 4 at best, the rest were a few small families, and one crass speaking group of guys. Their dialogue which could have either been described as aggressive or some odd manner of a playful in-joke of close friends did not inspire me to want to open up for friendship. In all I don't believe there were more than 30 people including the workers in that building.
I may not be looking through the right eyes on that first time around but it was fun regardless of any new company and the trip there and back did inspire many laughs. With a the lesson now etched on my mind, miss no opportunity because it may be the only one. I feel the journey was worth it.
In terms of learning to be openly social, I am unsure if I made any faux pas. I assume I could have spoken with the workers at the mall and enjoyed good discussions there or spoken with the few remaining girls giving the mall its paces. Though the latter seemed counter intuitive to my goals. I am still mostly an introvert so it will take time to learn the art of being ambiverted.
I look forward to comments if any, I hope I'm not re-treading too much by posting early.