LemmeFreak's Journal

[LemmeFreak]

October 5, 2014 - Sunday 2:39 PM

First post on my journal.. I want to improve my life because I am happy, kinda. I feel bi polar at times because I can be very happy at one second then very depressed the next. Usually how I feel depends on a girl, so you could call me co-dependent. Which I want to change. Its sunday, didn't go to church this morning, but my only goal for now is to just get back into self improvement. I need to drink a little less, workout and sleep a little more, study a little more, do my music a little more. Im gonna start one at a time though, so for this week, Im gonna make sure I get my health on track and get the necessary Sleep, Exercise, and nutrition I need before I worry about the little details and stuff. Im 6'5, am a senior in high school and just love life in general. Although I get sad very often, I do love life. I have a best friend, he's more of an alpha male than I, Im bigger/stronger/have a better body/more athletic, but He is a very attractive dude in the face, not that Im not, but he looks like a movie star. So overall we are pretty equal when you take into account our height, but being with him and girls in social interactions has taught me how beta I am. I wouldn't dare talk to unknown girls comfortably without being drunk, and this also isn't about girls really. This website is so I thought I should mention them. I just want to feel happier about life and get on track to reaching a state where I am satisfied and feel like I am a part of this world in a positive way. So you'll hear more from me. For now, I am gonna go make out a little diet/workout guide I want to follow. And plan out my sleep for the week to make sure I get enough. Ill report back everyday so I doubt anybody will read every post I make. Thanks guys.

End October 5, 2014 - Sunday 2:39 PM

 

[LemmeFreak]

October 13, 2014 -Monday 4:50 PM-

So I have already failed in updating this everyday. I have been in College Station from Thursday - Sunday for the the A&M game but thats no excuse. It was a good time. I stayed with a friend of mine who goes to school there for one night, and then hung with my dad for the Saturday. I need to work on my fashion a bit. Anyways, I didn't talk to any girls while there... I feel like I annoy every girl I talk to, at least the ones I care to talk to. I seem to get very good interest at first, or for at least awhile, but then they lose interest. I am very co-dependent on girls I actually like, but I am trying to cure this. Well, Kyle field really was awesome. It is so big and its pretty good to see the Rebels win. Hopefully we can keep it up. So my week has kinda sucked honestly, I feel like the people I want to be "cool" as or the girls that are "worthy" to actually be liked simply get tired of me. Guys who aren't quite as tall or attractive (not trying to be arrogant) as me seem to be better off than I. I have a motivation to improve though, and I don't feel like that will stop. Ill talk about today now. Today was like normal, woke up, came to school. Had an AP Spanish quiz, didn't do well on it though. I actually did my work in all my classes. I haven't texted any girls, except this one girl, KR, who is my hookup buddy... I wouldn't date her but she's cute, has a good body, she's friends with a girl, AA, who ended things with me that I really liked. Im still kinda upset about it, but the hookup buddy, KR, has promised to keep out hookups a secret. I openly tell KR about my feelings for AA and she's cool with it. AA went on three dates with me, and I was her first kiss, she told me she liked me and would want to eventually date me but then randomly said she never had feelings for me. Doesn't matter though. I wish it would work out but I don't know how to make it work sadly. If anyone can help let me know. So yeah. I texted KR through the day and did all my work in class like normal, and we came home early so I didn't run track because of the weather outside. So now I am finished with my HW and typing this and just gonna sit on the internet for awhile reading random stuff. I need to get a habit of never stopping my improving until its time to sleep. Ill need to make an hourly schedule of my day to do that though. I need major motivation. Also trying to decide whether to fap and to view porn, to not view porn just fap, or to cut both out... We will see. Also want to start meditating every morning as well. Peace. Im gonna update tomorrow.

October 17, 2014 - Monday 5:04 PM -