Krater
New Member
I'm 16. A while ago, aged about 14, I realised that I knew no girls, and that I wasn't happy being such a person. I set out to change myself somehow, without any of this guidance, and realise now that I went through something similar to what many of these guides and gurus recommend. I tried to run before I could walk by approaching a girl randomly on the street and trying to talk to her, vomiting a couple of words before essentially running away, my heart pounding.
Not good.
I took a baby step by joining an award scheme outside of school for people my age, and met girls there. I was very... how should I put it... retarded in my interactions with them. Then again, compared to some of the girls I know now, they were not very nice people at all. They were also a little wierd, and most of them were a little ugly. But it was still a learning curve.
A lot of time passed. Being neither popular or unpopular, but residing in the twilight between both, I was never invited to any parties. I hadn't taken the initiative to go to school dances before this point. One day they held a concert for my school and another at my school, so I went. I didn't talk to any girls. I stood on my own the whole night, except for my friends, scared.
As I grew, my personality changed a little. Until recently, I hadn't noticed this. But at the beginning of summer 05, I started searching for articles and writing down advice about confidence and grooming. I wanted to be able to do what I wanted to do.
That failed.
Nothing I tried worked, but gradual changes, either by virtue of my own natural growth or brought upon by a desire for change, meant that by about september, when school started, I'd changed in a few ways. I joined another out of school club (Go to all-boys school, shockingly it's not good for meeting girls) where there were relatively normal people. Started up a club at school. Cast as lead villain in a musical held at my school. I was meeting far more people and seemed to be growing far more confident.
I also took the initiative to try and improve my appearance. Having acne, having lots of different medicines for it over time, I still have acne. So I researched it and got a medication called roaccutane, something which in many cases kills all acne in about 6 months and in many it never comes back stronly. Cut my hair short, gelled it. Started shaving more regularly.
Then my friend sends me a copy of a book he found called "The Game" by Neil Strauss. I was very interested. I went on a few websites, trying to find what I thought I had been looking for for so long, trying to finally improve myself. I tried using things like kino and eyecontact. Didn't work a huge amount, but made me feel like I was on a power trip. Forgot about them for a while.
Then I went out to see a play, unconsciously or consciously, not sure, I used most of this material, stopping short of asking for a number, on the girl next to me. She certainly seemed to like it.
Since then I have not attempted this again (for about a month), due to certain other things, like Christmas, a dying relative, schoolwork, etc. I'm not quite sure of my path.
I was amazed when I found this website. It seemed to prize what I'm looking for. Most of the routines found on fastseduction.com and similar places just seem... kind of... geeky, sad, and not a great setup for a good life. I don't want to be a machine. I want to be me. Even if I change into someone better, I'll be me.
The bible, and all the things on this website, are great. Although many writers have written great posts, Pook in particular seemed to bring me a bit of an awakening about being a man. I read these articles all over the weekend, internalising them as I went.
But I realised something today, going back to school and really socialising for the first time in half a month.
I still have deep issues I need to face before I can grow further. I need to conquer them.
I realise now that I AM good with people. I'm damn charming with women and girls I don't know, making them smile, talk to me, whatever, much of the time. I have never been in any kind of relationship, but I've just noticed I'm very confident with strangers.
What I am not confident with at all is people I already know, even a little bit.
I know I shouldn't be afraid, and I'm not sure if I am. I just have issues.
I go to an all-boys school. I have a high enough profile and have done both enough great and stupid things over the years to be "noticed" by the "great" - the popular people, and indeed everyone in my year. I am not a non-entity. But this does not mean I am liked or invited places or loved by the masses. I do not "belong".
The thing I realised today is that my problem with these people is all in my head, or is at least partially. I was playing cards with a group of people today, many of them the social elite (understand I do not view them as better than me in objective terms. I view them as better socially). And no-one treated me negatively at all. In fact, everyone was nice and pleasant. The very characteristics which make them popular and loved.
I don't need popularity. I need to change myself, to make myself a better man, hell, to make myself a man. And while I can be a man alone, or with strangers, I can't seem to improve myself or act normally even with people I have already known. When I talked to people today during the card game, I avoided eye contact, kissed ass with the few words I spoke, said wierd things and generally acted in a way I hated. With my friends, who are, eh, putting it nicely, most definately not don juans, I revert to my old self, cracking jokes which have 50-50 chance of being funny, constantly, with no depth except the occassional character assassination, or becoming a depressed tortured person who moans all the time.
I have a long history, as everyone does. Things that have happened throughout the years have made me paranoid, have turned me into who I am today. There are reasons why I fear these popular people, are reasons why I act a certain way and so on. But these are not really reasons. They were reasons a year or more ago, when they applied. But now the people I knew have become new people, and these are mere excuses now.
The world has changed, and moved on.
And so must I.
So must we.
To progress further in my pursuit of manhood, I need to rid myself of my history and fear and irrational behaviour brought on by my past experiences at school.
And I will do this.
I think that many who go on this site might attempt to dive headfirst into being a new person or DJ without regard for their psychology. I like to think I have a soul or control myself 100%, but I've got deep fears and paranoias. I have to wipe the slate clean, be a tabula rasa, blank tablet, ready to be written on with a better pen.
Once I'm able to start-over with everyone I know, for me it being as if it is the first time they are meeting me, for it it will be the first time they are meeting me as I am everywhere else, I hope I can progress further. My life doesn't depend on it, but if I can get some cool friends who know lots of girls, it will help me and the pursuit of my goals. But like I said, this is more about me ridding myself of my baggage.
This thread wasn't written to give advice, or to ask for it, although any advice any would give would be considered. Just sharing my experiences.
Not good.
I took a baby step by joining an award scheme outside of school for people my age, and met girls there. I was very... how should I put it... retarded in my interactions with them. Then again, compared to some of the girls I know now, they were not very nice people at all. They were also a little wierd, and most of them were a little ugly. But it was still a learning curve.
A lot of time passed. Being neither popular or unpopular, but residing in the twilight between both, I was never invited to any parties. I hadn't taken the initiative to go to school dances before this point. One day they held a concert for my school and another at my school, so I went. I didn't talk to any girls. I stood on my own the whole night, except for my friends, scared.
As I grew, my personality changed a little. Until recently, I hadn't noticed this. But at the beginning of summer 05, I started searching for articles and writing down advice about confidence and grooming. I wanted to be able to do what I wanted to do.
That failed.
Nothing I tried worked, but gradual changes, either by virtue of my own natural growth or brought upon by a desire for change, meant that by about september, when school started, I'd changed in a few ways. I joined another out of school club (Go to all-boys school, shockingly it's not good for meeting girls) where there were relatively normal people. Started up a club at school. Cast as lead villain in a musical held at my school. I was meeting far more people and seemed to be growing far more confident.
I also took the initiative to try and improve my appearance. Having acne, having lots of different medicines for it over time, I still have acne. So I researched it and got a medication called roaccutane, something which in many cases kills all acne in about 6 months and in many it never comes back stronly. Cut my hair short, gelled it. Started shaving more regularly.
Then my friend sends me a copy of a book he found called "The Game" by Neil Strauss. I was very interested. I went on a few websites, trying to find what I thought I had been looking for for so long, trying to finally improve myself. I tried using things like kino and eyecontact. Didn't work a huge amount, but made me feel like I was on a power trip. Forgot about them for a while.
Then I went out to see a play, unconsciously or consciously, not sure, I used most of this material, stopping short of asking for a number, on the girl next to me. She certainly seemed to like it.
Since then I have not attempted this again (for about a month), due to certain other things, like Christmas, a dying relative, schoolwork, etc. I'm not quite sure of my path.
I was amazed when I found this website. It seemed to prize what I'm looking for. Most of the routines found on fastseduction.com and similar places just seem... kind of... geeky, sad, and not a great setup for a good life. I don't want to be a machine. I want to be me. Even if I change into someone better, I'll be me.
The bible, and all the things on this website, are great. Although many writers have written great posts, Pook in particular seemed to bring me a bit of an awakening about being a man. I read these articles all over the weekend, internalising them as I went.
But I realised something today, going back to school and really socialising for the first time in half a month.
I still have deep issues I need to face before I can grow further. I need to conquer them.
I realise now that I AM good with people. I'm damn charming with women and girls I don't know, making them smile, talk to me, whatever, much of the time. I have never been in any kind of relationship, but I've just noticed I'm very confident with strangers.
What I am not confident with at all is people I already know, even a little bit.
I know I shouldn't be afraid, and I'm not sure if I am. I just have issues.
I go to an all-boys school. I have a high enough profile and have done both enough great and stupid things over the years to be "noticed" by the "great" - the popular people, and indeed everyone in my year. I am not a non-entity. But this does not mean I am liked or invited places or loved by the masses. I do not "belong".
The thing I realised today is that my problem with these people is all in my head, or is at least partially. I was playing cards with a group of people today, many of them the social elite (understand I do not view them as better than me in objective terms. I view them as better socially). And no-one treated me negatively at all. In fact, everyone was nice and pleasant. The very characteristics which make them popular and loved.
I don't need popularity. I need to change myself, to make myself a better man, hell, to make myself a man. And while I can be a man alone, or with strangers, I can't seem to improve myself or act normally even with people I have already known. When I talked to people today during the card game, I avoided eye contact, kissed ass with the few words I spoke, said wierd things and generally acted in a way I hated. With my friends, who are, eh, putting it nicely, most definately not don juans, I revert to my old self, cracking jokes which have 50-50 chance of being funny, constantly, with no depth except the occassional character assassination, or becoming a depressed tortured person who moans all the time.
I have a long history, as everyone does. Things that have happened throughout the years have made me paranoid, have turned me into who I am today. There are reasons why I fear these popular people, are reasons why I act a certain way and so on. But these are not really reasons. They were reasons a year or more ago, when they applied. But now the people I knew have become new people, and these are mere excuses now.
The world has changed, and moved on.
And so must I.
So must we.
To progress further in my pursuit of manhood, I need to rid myself of my history and fear and irrational behaviour brought on by my past experiences at school.
And I will do this.
I think that many who go on this site might attempt to dive headfirst into being a new person or DJ without regard for their psychology. I like to think I have a soul or control myself 100%, but I've got deep fears and paranoias. I have to wipe the slate clean, be a tabula rasa, blank tablet, ready to be written on with a better pen.
Once I'm able to start-over with everyone I know, for me it being as if it is the first time they are meeting me, for it it will be the first time they are meeting me as I am everywhere else, I hope I can progress further. My life doesn't depend on it, but if I can get some cool friends who know lots of girls, it will help me and the pursuit of my goals. But like I said, this is more about me ridding myself of my baggage.
This thread wasn't written to give advice, or to ask for it, although any advice any would give would be considered. Just sharing my experiences.
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