Learning to NEXT

[kingwilliam]

I am in almost the exact situation. I hate how if you let them, women will make you act like a ****ing retard.

Once I realized how pathetic I was making myself look by lowering myself to her level, I walked away.

My problem is that I live in a town small enough that you run into people you know in the "bar scene", which is basically all there is to do around here.

......

damn.......some of things I said to my last girlfriend in an effort to get her back are absolutely pitiful.


HOWEVER, the grass is greener on the other side of the hill.......EVERYTIME

 

[KarmaSutra]

HOWEVER, the grass is greener on the other side of the hill.......EVERYTIME

No it isn't. Your perception on the different shade of green is what shines through. It's the same color just a slightly new and fresh vision of it. But you have to realize that the new shine will wear off eventually. This is where contemplation and reflection become our sources of inspiration.

 

[fromNBtoOB]

guys, I guess I really ****ed this up and (sort of) pussed out. I'm in a world of hurt/frustration right now. Will post up the details when I get them sorted in my own head. :<

 

[KontrollerX]

Well you're just beginning your journey fromNBtoOB.

Note the mistake, forgive yourself for the mistake and then see that it not happen again with another chick.

And sure post up the details once you get time bro.

 

[fromNBtoOB]

well, all was going well through this past friday. I had been keeping up my next posture really well, yet I was still going nuts having to see her so much. I was cool, made small talk, but did not let it go anywhere.

anyway, Friday night we had some really bad storms in the area. I was listening on the news and heard them mention the street she lives on as one getting heavy damage. I said "**** it" and put my feelings aside for a minute and called her up to make sure she was ok. she was ok, and told me on the phone how much she had missed talking to me and had even mentioned that to her family, etc.

well, that call led to emails, which led me on Sunday (I'm still kicking myself) to propose an afternoon of shopping/lunch (something we had often done on weekends together). She calls back right away saying yes, that's cool -- she had to check on something she was going to do with a girlfriend and call me back. guess what, no ****ING call back1! I sat at home steaming all afternoon/evening.

fast forward to this morning, she rings me up in my office and says "why don't we do something tonight for St. Pat day?" and suggested we go out to dinner. Instantly (like a chump), I forget her blowing me off yesterday and agree. I email her later in the day with some dinner ideas. Get a call a few minutes later -- guess what? Yeah, you guessed it -- cancelled out on me.

tbh, she does have an injury that makes her tired and that's what she had mentioned on the phone, yet there would have been a million ways she could have played it more considerately (i.e. why don't we stay in and just get pizza, etc).

I am soooo frustrated at this situation and even more frustrated that I PUT MYSELF IN THIS POSITION, AND ALL THIS BULL**** IS THE RESULT OF ME BEING A WEAK ASS AND LETTING GO OF MY PRINCIPLES THE MOMENT SHE WANTED SOME ATTENTION.

I almost feel that this is purposeful on her part at this point, lead me in, cut me off, ad naseum. I am considering now quitting my job or just moving out of town I am so ticked off.

Sorry to vent and sorry for letting down you DJs who were trying to push me in the right direction. so far, I have utterly failed at learning to NEXT.

 

[hithard]

Like it has been said the first next is always the hardest. Stick to the rules. In this case taking Rollo's advice of spinning plates is probably a good idea. Do you have other stuff going on or is she your world?

Don't uproot your life for a women either

 

[Interceptor]

You're trying to get back something that was never real to begin with.

And you're trying to use this as away to fix a hole inside of you.

You know what you're doing and what you're dong wrong, but your NEED for getting your EGO back is overwhelming you..

Sorry to say, but your future looks fvcking horrible.

Because right now....your Ego is worth more than your dignity, self respect, well being, and peace of mind.

Looks like if you keep going this way you're going to end up another statistic.

You are in the grasp of the Infinity Gauntlet.

Thjis means that it doesnt matter if or when you start to see another woman or many women, your relationshps with them will be EXACTLY THE SAME as this one.

TO the "T".

EXACT REPLICATION of the SAME EXACT EXPERIENCES.

You wanna gain some perspective??


This woman is doing nothing to you.
Yes, she is acting in a certain way.

But "She' isnt doing anything TO you.

In fact, she can't.

Emotionally?

Pffft...
don't make me laugh.

She was NEVER 'in control'.

EVERYTHING you are EXPERIENCING is and was created BY YOU!!!


The manner in which you are REACTING to this, is dictated by your self imposed negative beliefs, self limiting and disempowering, and EMASCULATING!!!!



Who is doing this to you?

YOU.

All you , bud.

You 'think' SHE is 'hurting' you.
You 'believe' it.
Your own belief system inside your head is telling you that this woman has POWER OVER YOU.

POWER that you cannot RESIST.

But it's all bullsh*t...


Because after all, your Emotions don't lie.

But look at what your 'beliefs' got you.


But you don't know how to control your emotions.

You don't know how to properly FEEL your Emotions.

You don't know how to properly GAUGE your Emotional Investment.

You don't know how to TURN OFF your Emotional Investment Switch.

You don't know how to handle a person saying 'No' to you.

You don't know how to stay Emotionally INDEPENDENT and live without the need for a crutch supplied by another person or woman.
Thus, you still NEED her Validation just so that youcan feel good about yourself again.


And you don't have a high Sense of Self Worth, and Self Esteem.

Thus, you have a weak Personal Boundary.





This woman is living 'rent free' inside your head.

Fvcked up, aint it?

Like a parasite she is leeching off of you..and you let her.

And she's giving you nothing in return...well...she is giving you something....
you realization that your narcissistic Needs arent going to be VALIDATED by her...
She is giving you that.

And it's fvcking you up, huh???

Well, if you want to keep getting your EGO fed, get ready to live life like a homeless, strung out junkie....

Because THAT WILL BE your FUTURE.









Dude.....
You will be living in an eerie "Ground hog Day'esque existence of repeating these SAME things over and over again...

....unless you BREAK FREE of these SELF IMPOSED thought Patterns you willingly submit yourself to.

Dude...she WAS NEVER in CONTROL of you!!!!!!

NEVER!!!

NEVER!!!!!

YOU ALWAYS had a CHOICE!!!

ALWAYS and ALWAYS WILL!!!!

And it hurts to say this...but Im looking at you like youre some kind of "Fight Club" freak who's hitting himself in the face and saying "Someone ELSE is DOING this TO ME!!!"'

It's kind of embarassing, man.
it is HARD for me to say this to you. It really is. I am cringing right now telling you this.




Tough love, bro.

But if no one's gonna do it ..I will.

I dont want to see another good man down...

DO you????

 

[reset]

Sounds about right. I don't think you'll ever get to the point of personal responsibility while at the same time interacting with this chick. You can't heal and at the same time do the same actions that cause you so much stress and heartbreak.

I think as we develop into mature men we have to constantly ask ourselves "who's in charge here?".

For many of us, it's the girl. And they are used to it. They have the ability to manipulate us and control the frame to such an extent that we are basically living our lives vicariously, through them.

If you can stay strong and NEXT, like Interceptor says, eventually, you will gain a sense of your own personal power, and it will indeed get easier. But you have to make the first decisive step.

Do you REALLY think that a loving, understanding relationship can develop from this? That's the fantasy we chase when we are in oneitis. But it is a fantasy. This is the place and these are the people who can help you brake out, but first, you have to make a firm decision. Chase the mirage in the desert or choose a different path.

Edit--look at it this way. If you can learn to be strong with THIS ONE, and do the necessary things to force your intrest level in her down, you will be sending new signals to your brain. You will rewire your behaviors to the point that the "right actions" will come more naturally, and you can control the frame more easily, without having to think about it as much.

And the end result, will be a man with a greater awareness of his own developing strength and masculinity. You'll be tougher. Not as easily wounded. And that stuff, these new behaviors, will make you MORE attractive to women, and MORE likely to have successful relationships.

But you have to plunge into THIS "trial by fire" and FORCE yourself to do the things you KNOW you SHOULD do, even though your emotions are rejecting it, trying to convince you to stick with the old ways. You have to force yourself to take the right actions. Again and again. And then, they will become habits. And then you will be more masculine. ANd then you will be more attractive. And then you will have more fun with women, and able to connect on deeper levels because you've learned to qualify and ween negative influences from your life.

You don't learn to ride a bike without falling off a few times.

 

[Mr. Wise]

Your problem is your ego dude. I just went through this, although not nearly as severe as you. Let me guess, you keep playing this recording of the "memories" you had with this chick over and over in your head. "She's this, or she's that, blah, blah..." You put her on a pedastal higher than Mt. Everest. You are now miserable because she is all you can think of night and day to the point you can't focus on anything else. What you don't realize is that all you have to do to overcome your pain is to live in the "now" and not in the past. It's your ego that's playing that movie in your head, not the REAL you. Attachment is an object you tie to your identity, when that object is taken away, you suffer - like a baby when you take away his toy. The point I'm trying to make is that you don't need that object, she doesn't define who you are. If you wipe the negative thoughts out of your head, the painful emotions that go with it disappear too.

Hear's the bottom line: Until you can show her that you TRULY DON'T NEED HER (because it's all in your head - EGO), she'll never come back. The second she senses even the slightest "neediness" in you, it's adios.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

The unlucky guy only looks at his Interest Level, and gets
mesmerized by the woman´s speech skills (Actress). He doesn’t
understand that a woman with low Interest Level could win an
Emmy on moment’s notice, without even seeing a script!

All women know intuitively the degree of men’s feeling toward them.
More importantly, the bad ones will use the man’s Interest Level (and
ego) against him for their underhanded agendas. “Oh honey, you look
so cute today. Please buy me this little ten-carat tennis bracelet. If
you do, I will make you your favorite cup of coffee tonight just to show
you how much I love you!”

The male ego doesn’t like the Bottom Line Factor because he cannot
face reality - the light of truth. What your ego is really saying is ”How
dare a woman not like me!” Some of you never seem to get these two
simple principles: 1. It’s all Interest Level. 2. Bottom line her actions -
it saves time!

The key is, to get past your ego and your Interest Level bottom-line
all her actions all the time. Honestly ask yourself how important you are
to her, and how good she treats you when you don’t buy her overpriced
trinkets, don’t always give into what she wants, nor say "I love you" like
a parrot who only knows one line.

*The System